Independent by Choice or Force

Independent by choice or force, which are you? Someone who is independent does not rely or count on outside things. An independent person may also be considered self-sufficient. Being independent comes with both positive and negative judgements. Let us look at both sides of the coin.

Independent by choice

A person who is independent by choice may be seen as egotistical, head-strong, unyielding or even arrogant. People who choose to be independent are those who feel they have something to prove. They have to show others that they can do for themselves without assistance from anyone else. They have it in their mind that if someone helps them, they are weak. Maybe people will see them as incompetent. On the other hand, they may feel like they owe someone who lends a helping hand. Having access to resources but not using them is another way to exhibit being independent by choice. If you have a support system but choose to do everything yourself and not accept help, then this would be a choosey independent.

Independent by force

Being independent by force is more of a survivalist style of living. If you are independent by force it means that you do not have a support system and have to mostly rely on yourself. There are no close friends or relatives in easy reach that you can call on. In this case, you only have you. It takes a lot to deal with and handle everything that is necessary for everyday life. Especially, if you have medical and/or physical limitations, or are economically strapped for cash.

In some of these cases, people will just give up because they are tired. Mentally and physically exhausted. Even when local resources are available, you may not be able to get to the place to receive services. For example, someone without a car does not have a ride to sign up for services. Some individuals may not have fare to ride public transportation, even if this is available in their area. It is difficult to be in this situation, but some people manage just fine. They have it in their mind that they have to get it done and find a way.

Independence in relationships

In relationships, this is a topic that rears its ugly head. Some of our sistas are out here being strong and independent. That’s cool, that is great, but… don’t overdue it and make your man feel that he cannot do for you. I know it can be hard at times to let the wall down and let someone get close to you. This mindset of having the wall up and being independent comes from being a product of your environment, in some cases.

Meaning, we have single mothers taking care of the kids alone. The fathers are not around for whatever reason. Sista’s in relationships with men who are not holding up their end of the relationship. Being a bum and letting the woman carry them. This behavior is enabling and can only have a negative effect on the relationship in the long run.

Holding your own is a wonderful thing and gives you purpose and a feeling that you can do for yourself. Beware, shutting your partner out will cause a divide. Just know that your man wants to feel like a man and be there for you too. Let him in. Let him feel important in the relationship, like he can be there for you, the same way you are for him.

Independent by Choice or Force

Sometimes we can’t help our circumstances. We can only do our best to make sure that we maintain our livelihood. Just remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Especially, if you are in a position to seek assistance from those close to you. We all can use a helping hand at one time or another in life.

On the other hand, there are individuals who do not care to do anything for themselves. They just wait around and if something happens it happens but if not, then oh well. This type of mindset does not make for being a productive person. Life is so short. We have to try our best to make things happen.

Let us be a participant in life and not a spectator.