Month: May 2022

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Topic

What Comes First, Mortgage or Marriage?

Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels

Buying a house is a major purchase, probably one of the biggest financial obligations you can have. There are many benefits to buying a home. You get to grow equity in your home provided that regular maintenance is kept up. Purchasing a house gives you the joy of home ownership with knowing that you are not wasting money by paying rent. A lot of freedoms come with buying a home; you can design it from the ground up, pick your lot and choose the interior features that are unique to you. A house that is already built is just as rewarding. You can always make it your own and do with it what you want.

With that in mind, is it a good idea for unmarried couples to buy a home together? After all, you are in a happy relationship what can go wrong? It can be tempting because of the convenience of buying something together. Having someone to help with the mortgage. Also, the both of you can split the house chores. You both enjoy coming home to each other to something that you own. Both of you can create a space all your own like a man cave or she shed, home office, game room or whatever space you choose.

Is it a good idea for unmarried people to buy a home together?

REASONS TO SAY, “HELL, YES!”

A large part of the younger generation who are not interested in marriage would say, Hell Yes! Why not? We are in love and have been in a committed relationship, so why not?

We love each other and plan on being together for a long time. Why complicate things with getting married first?

We both work and have steady income. As long as we both have a job, we can afford the home purchase.

We are tired of wasting money on renting a place. Let’s do something together that will build equity.

Expenses can be split down the middle. We don’t have to foot the bill all alone. We can split the down payment, closing costs, mortgage, taxes, HOA association fees (if applicable), maintenance cost to upkeep the home, repair costs, etc.

Our friends are doing it, so why can’t we? What’s the worse that can happen?

REASONS TO SAY, “HELL, NO!”

Who will get to keep the house, if we break up? Emotions are running high, so this will just complicate things even more.

If we break up, how are we going to divide everything? Who gets the living room furniture, the bedroom set, the kitchen appliances, etc.

Without the legal document, called a marriage license it is hard to sort out these things when/if the relationship goes bad. It is much easier to get into the mortgage contract than to get out of one.

What happens when one of you decides that they want out of the financial obligations and the relationship? Can you carry the financial load alone or will the house go into foreclosure? Foreclosure does not do any good for your credit history.

WEIGH IN ON THE SUBJECT

What do you say, should a couple marry before purchasing a home together?
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

I know it sounds good and feels good to make such a huge step together. Love is blind and we don’t always think about the “what if we break up” scenario. This is real and these things need to be considered. At least if you are married and things don’t work out, that piece of paper makes things a lot easier.

Not saying that every unmarried couple who buys a house together will break up. Things may work out just fine. All I’m saying is that a couple should consider the options before entering into such a big financial obligation. Don’t be that couple who ends up on one of those TV court shows, expecting the judge to figure it out and sort through it. I’m joking, but I’m not joking. You get the point.

Categories
Diversity Topic

Light or Dark Skin. What’s In a Complexion?

Image by billywatsrong from Pixabay

Black people come in a myriad of different skin tones. Due to this, some are discriminated against because they are either too light or too dark to be Black. This discrimination happens within our own community, as well as, by people outside of the Black race. That’s the sad part about it.

Light Skin

Light Skinned Complexion
Photo by Nicole Berro on Pexels

If you are Black and are of a lighter complexion, people think that you are conceited. Some people say that you think you are, “all-that” and that you think you are better than other Black people who have a darker skin tone. While some light skinned people do act that way and fit the description, it is not because of the color of their skin. I attribute those characteristics to the individual person and not their complexion. Just note, that there are darker skinned Black people who possess the same traits. They think they are better than other Black people and there are some who are conceited too.

A perception exists that lighter skinned people are smarter, have more privileges and are more successful than darker skinned people. Being of a lighter complexion leads some people to say that you are not, “black enough”. Just based on your skin tone. Also, there is this kind of acceptance that some people seek just to prove their, “blackness”. This backward thinking is a part of what’s wrong with the world today. It goes back so many years and you would think in the year 2022, we would have progressed.

A person’s success in life depends on the efforts of that individual and not some unfounded belief that it is because they are light skinned. The world is so focused on outward appearance. Nowadays, people don’t take the time to see what others are truly made of and who they are beyond their skin tone.

We can’t help how we were made, and we were made the way we are for a reason. It is no excuse to call people names and insult them because they are not the same complexion as you. Light skinned people have been called derogatory names like red bone, high yellow, light skin, and pale face, just to name a few.

Dark Skin

Dark Skinned Complexion
Photo by Meghan Holmes on Unsplash

Being a Black person and having a dark skin tone comes with some negative preconceptions too. People think that if you are dark skinned that you are unintelligent, unsuccessful and not attractive. Again, this is so superficial and another stereotype that needs to be broken. Some people with a dark skinned complexion feel the need to compete with light skinned people. Meaning, that some women go to the extreme of bleaching their skin. I attribute this to the pressures of society to fit some unrealistic mold.

Darker skinned people are just as smart, beautiful, and successful as people of lighter skin tones. It can be hard for some to truly believe this when everyday someone tries to make them feel otherwise. We have to erase the color lines and lift each other up. It is so unfair to judge someone by their complexion before getting to know them. People of darker skin tones get labeled as, “too ethnic” and are passed up for certain career opportunities.

Some negative names that dark-skinned women have been called are jigaboo, darkie, black and burnt. Imagine what this does to a person’s psyche. There are many more derogatory names that people of both light and dark skin tones are called but this is just the abbreviated version. I truly believe that you should not navigate your life based on what other’s think of you. Pave your own way and don’t worry about people’s opinion.

Takeaway

Your complexion should not influence how far you go in life. My advice is to believe in yourself and go for what you want in life. It’s okay if you get passed up for an opportunity. That means it wasn’t for you and there is something else out there. Keep going! Do not be discouraged! It’s hard enough out here being judged by the masses. Why are we being judged by our own too? Let’s embrace each other and help each other out.

Categories
Topic

Can You Answer This? Is the North or South a Better Place to Live?

Jersey City Light Rail
Jersey City Light Rail- Image by Bruce Emmerling froThm Pixabay

THE NORTH

If you have ever been anywhere up North, you know that most places are full of energy. Living in the North gives you street knowledge that you can take with you, no matter where you go. You might think that street knowledge is nothing but it really is valuable.

There is always something to do or somewhere to go up North. Let’s say that you wake up at 1:00 am and want a sandwich. Well, you can go to the corner Bodega and get a Pastrami sandwich, Ham and Cheese or a Veggie. They used to sell Buttered rolls on a Kaiser bun too. I know you might say, who wants a sandwich with just butter?! Don’t knock it until you try it. Maybe you want a slice of pizza, you can probably get that too at the Pizzeria.

A lot places up North stay open late so you can go out and have a good time. Stay as long as you want and not have to rush home. Living in the North costs a little more and you don’t get as much space for your buck. If you want a little more “plush” in your neighborhood, living in South Jersey is nice. Pennsylvania has some nice parts as well that are not all concrete. Connecticut is also a nice state. You can find nice parts in about all the States.

Some of the things to look out for living in the North are people trying to rob you. It is a little stressful living up north with the traffic and aggressive drivers. You have to always be on guard and watching your surroundings. The minute someone sees you slippin’, that’s when you will get got! Don’t speak to people you don’t know and do not, repeat DO NOT stare at anyone up North. This is not a good thing.

The Good

  • The North has neighborhood schools. Kids can go to school with people they know and who live in their neighborhood. They are not riding a noxious school bus for hours to and from school.
  • Convenient lifestyle. You can find anything you want or need at virtually any time of day or night.
  • Plenty of things to do and places to go. There is an abundance of places to go and things to do.
  • Higher salaries. People make more money living up North compared to salaries down South.
  • Wide selection of clothing. There is no shortage of places to go shopping. It is not hard to find a last-minute outfit for any occasion.
  • Easy to get around. You can take the bus, train, Uber, Lyft, etc or better yet, walk. You are not dependent on a car to get from point A to B.

The Bad

  • The North also comes with higher cost of living for smaller spaces.
  • Higher crime rates are also in a lot of Northern parts of the world.
  • Densely populated areas make for more cramped living.
  • Most parts of the North are concrete. A lot of locations do not have a lot of grass or trees.
  • The noise level with people blowing the horn.

THE SOUTH

Suburb in the South
Suburb in the South-Photo by Johnson Johnson on Unsplash

The South is a lot greener compared to its Northern counterparts. There are a lot of trees and grass to be found. Your money can stretch a lot further with real estate in the South. You get a lot more land, interior space and amenities for your money. The environment in the South is a lot more laid back and relaxed. Everyone is not in such a rush; most of the time.

The Good

  • Greener pastures. More trees and grass make for better air quality.
  • Slower pace. Less stressful than living up North. Most people in the South move at their own pace, very slowly.
  • Friendly people.
  • More amenities for your money when it comes to housing.
  • Lower cost of living; but some parts of the South are catching up to the North.

The Bad

  • Busing to and from school. Some kids have to ride a school bus and the ride can last up to 2 hours. Kids are zoned in schools that may not be close to where they live.
  • Humid climate. If you like the heat but without the added humidity, the South may not be for you.
  • Car dependent. You have to drive to most places in the South. A lot of southern areas have limited or no public transportation.

As you can see, both parts of the world have their good points and bad. It all depends on your lifestyle and your personal preferences. You might prefer more space and a lower salary. You might prefer to live close to other people and being able to get around easily. Where do you think is the better place to live, up North or down South?

Categories
Info Topic

Public Safety and You-Let’s End the Violence

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

In these times of increasing violence happening all over the world, I wanted to shine some light on this program. Cure Violence Global is a program aimed at stopping violence in high crime areas and was started in the year 2000. In the last few years, the cities of Winston-Salem, Durham and Greensboro in North Carolina are participating in this important effort. This program exists in other states around the world. Listening to the news while getting ready for work is how I learned about Cure Violence Global.

I hope more cities in the state and in other areas where violence is rampant join in as well. Other places have similar programs to help address issues in their communities. I just wanted to highlight this one and say kudos! I think this initiative is very important and is well needed. The link provided gives more information about who they are and what they do.

About Us – Cure Violence (cvg.org)

This post ties in to a previous post about Gun Violence- We Can Do Without It. See below.

Gun Violence- We Can Do Without It

My heart goes out to the families and friends of the shooting victims in Buffalo, New York.

Categories
Topic

Keep Your Hands to Yourself People

Keep your hands to yourself people
Image by Z RAINEY from Pixabay

Let’s talk about some of the recent incidents where audience members and spectators have let loose on someone on stage or at a sporting event. It is not ok in any form to harass and/or put your hands on someone. Now, if it is self-defense then by all means, throw them hands!

I am talking about the Will Smith slap, the Dave Chappelle attack, the fan harassing Chris Paul’s family at the game and the Mike Tyson airplane incident. It seems like since events started opening up and people are getting out, they forgot their manners and common sense. The country has been on lock down for about 2 plus years due to Covid 19 and now people are acting wild like they lost their mind.

In my opinion, I think the fans in the stands and/or on the floor who harass players and/or their families should be banned from attending the games for at least a year. If you can’t act right and let everyone enjoy the game, then stay at the house. People want to have a good time and not have to deal with your disruption.

And when did it become ok to come up on stage when you out in the audience, FOR ANY REASON!! You were not invited to get on stage so sit down and deal with your feelings after the show. People pay good money to attend these events and there you go, ruining it for everyone.

People sometimes try to provoke and do things to celebrities just to see if they get a rise out of them. Which is what I believe was the case in the Mike Tyson incident. Of course, I wasn’t on the plane. I know, I know… but just leave the man alone when you see he is getting upset or agitated. It’s okay to be a fan but know when to fall back.

If these things keep happening, there will be less public events or they will be on a much smaller scale. Fans will not be allowed at the games but this time, not due to Covid 19 but just bad behavior. It’s not ok people! It’s not okay! Keep your hands to yourself.

We will be back to games with no fans again
if people continue with the nonsense
Photo by Andre Tan on Unsplash

Security needs to be ramped up in some of these cases. How did the man get the knife into the Dave Chappelle event? People want to feel safe while out and about, just trying to have a good time. Eventually, they will stop going to these shows. Productions will shut down and no one will make money.

What do you think about these recent and past events where people failed to keep their hands to themselves? Or the fans who shout at the players from the stands and audience thinking it’s okay. The players should not be punished if they are being verbally abused by these spectators. What should be the punishment for this type of behavior?

Categories
Topic

What is Your Favorite Music Collab?

Image by kalhh from Pixabay

The songs listed here are some of my favorites. I have to say Method Man ft. Mary J Blige, ‘All I Need’ is MY favorite; (the razor sharp version!) That joint is fire, still to this day!

What is your favorite music collaboration? Is it anyone on this list or someone else? There is so much good music out there it is hard to narrow down the list but who do YOU pick as your favorite?

Queen Latifah ft. Monie Love- “Ladies First”

Panjabi MC ft. Jay Z-“Beware of the Boys”

Method Man ft. Mary J. Blige- “All I Need” (Razor sharp version)

Nicki Minaj ft. Eminem-“Roman’s Revenge”

Aaliyah ft. DMX- “Come Back in One Piece”

Marley Marl, Big Daddy Kane, Kool G Rap, Masta Ace, Craig G- “The Symphony”

Categories
Topic Words of Wisdom

Two Simple Words

Image by Jessica Wood from Pixabay

Two simple words to live by. It sounds easy and it is possible. You can do it!

Categories
Topic

Rhythm and Blues

R & B Music

R&B Artists

R&B; what happened to it? Where you at? R&B music was so live back in the day. I’m talking about the 80s and 90s. There were groups and solo artists like Jodeci, TLC (rest in peace Left Eye), Ginuwine, Case, Mary J. Blige. H-Town, Ready For the World, Force M.D.’s, Monica, Usher, 112, Janet Jackson, Silk, Can I get a witness in here?!?! Don’t act like y’all don’t know, lol

Some of the R&B music was mostly in slow tempo but some you could dance to. Even though the music was about love, being in love, breaking up, making up and everything in between everybody could listen to it. You didn’t have to be in love to listen to R&B. You can just sing along to it and play it in your car. Another thing people did while listening to some of these songs is make love. Throw on your favorite R&B song and do “the do”. Don’t act like y’all haven’t done this before. The right song would set the mood and make things right.

Bell Biv DeVoe- When Will I See you Smile Again?

Jodeci- Come and Talk to Me, Feenin’

Keith Sweat- How Deep is your Love

LSG- My Body

Aaliyah (rest in peace)-Back and Forth, One in a Million

TLC- Waterfalls

Boyz II Men- On Bended Knee

New Edition- Mr. Telephone Man, Can You Stand the Rain

Mary J. Blige- My life, Not Gon’ Cry, (I can go on…)

H-Town- Knockin’ da Boots

N II U- I Miss You

Jagged Edge-I Gotta Be

Force M.D.’s- Here I Go Again, Tender Love

Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash

We need some of the R&B groups and solo artists to come back. I know that music groups break up for many different reasons. Some of the members can’t get along. Maybe the music contract is not right. Just many things that come along with the industry. All I’m saying is bring the R&B back.

Mary J. Blige-Image by David Mark from Pixabay

Alicia Keys-Image by AliceKeyStudio from Pixabay

Categories
Info Topic

Oh, Come What May

May brings a few events, holidays and fun things.

This is the month for zodiac signs Taurus and Gemini.

Happy birthday to all the bulls and twins out there.

Images by Peter Lomas from Pixabay

The birthstone of people born this month is Emerald.

Photo by Sabrianna on Unsplash

This month is National Blood Pressure Month. Roll up those sleeves and get your pressure checked! A normal blood pressure reading is around 120/80. Check out this link for more information, May is High Blood Pressure Education Month | NHLBI, NIH

Image by Mostafa Elturkey from Pixabay

May 5th is Cinco de Mayo- This day marks a day of triumph for the Mexican army over the French army. The Battle of Puebla in 1862 was a day of victory! Celebrations are held all over the world.

8th of May is Mother’s Day- Show Mom how much you care and how much she is loved and appreciated.

Image by Ralphs_Fotos from Pixabay

19th of May is the birthday

of Malcolm X

May 30th is Memorial Day- A day to commemorate the people who fought and died in battle.

Categories
Topic

What Kind of Bored are You?

Is this the kind of day you are having?

We all have those moments when we get bored. There is nothing to watch on TV. You are home alone. Nobody is answering their phone when you try to reach out. What do you do when those moments strike you?

Do you go shopping? Do you eat a carton of ice cream? Maybe you clean the house from top to bottom. Sometimes, you might find yourself starting a new hobby, only to abandon it as soon as your boredom goes away. A walk in the park might be what gets you out of the rut.

Blasting the music at home and dancing gets the blood flowing and helps to boost your mood. I have heard some people say they do intense exercise. Maybe reading a good book will help. Just anything to pass the time will do. What do you do to break the boredom cycle?

There are some constructive things you can do and also destructive behaviors you can engage in.

Constructive

Taking a walk-If you live in an area where you can safely walk, do it! You get some exercise and get to take in some fresh air. Also, you can enjoy the scenery and get off the couch. You might discover that you like walking and make it a new habit

Home organizing– You know that junk drawer that everyone has. Yeah, that one! Try going through it and throwing some things away. Throw those things away that have been there for a while and nobody is going to use. Go through the closets and donate old clothes to the Salvation Army store or Goodwill. It is like therapy to get rid of things. It is a great feeling. Try it.

Destructive

Heavy drinking– We all know the consequences of heavy drinking. If you like to get your drink on, there is nothing wrong with that. But there is a safe way to do it. Know your limits. Please make sure you have a designated driver or call a ride if you are going to the bar. If you live in a place where you can walk, just take a stroll to the bar and/or restaurant.

Impulse shopping– This can be either a good thing or bad thing. If you go out and spend a lot of money for something that you don’t need or later discover you don’t want; this is bad. You might go out and spend “bill money” for something that you just had to have. Well, do you REALLY have to have it or just wanted it? You know the answer.

On the other hand, if you spent money on something that you will actually use and something that you need, then maybe this boredom spell was a blessing in disguise. It helped you make the decision on this purchase.