Tag: relationships

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Self Awareness Topic Words of Wisdom

The Unveiling of You. No More Thread, no More Glue.

Unglue and Unsew

The article today, titled The Unveiling of You. No More Thread, No More Glue is strictly for women who are frustrated in the dating game. They are looking to make a romantic connection but are feeling left out. The ones who feel like they should receive all the attention. The women who feel that they are attractive but are being passed over for simple, plain looking women who do not measure up, in their opinion. Let me explain.

If you are trying to make a meaningful connection, one of the things to do is to distinguish yourself from everyone else. Enhancements we add to our overall look can determine whether we blend in or stand out in the crowd. Wondering why men pass right by you? It might be because you look exactly the same as every other woman in the room. Present yourself in a way that is different from the others.

Try surveying the room and see if you are looking at the same image as yourself, do you wonder why? Everyone in the room is wearing the same style weave or wig, layers and layers of makeup, long false eyelashes, extra-long fingernails and 5 inches of “baby hair” or edges and plumped-up lips. Before anyone gets upset; there is nothing wrong with wearing wigs/weave/hair extensions.

Unglue and unsew and see what you discover. Just try it. You might just love who that person is underneath the false eyelashes, weave, extra-long fingernails, layers of makeup and exaggerated plumped lips. Do you even recognize her anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there is no crime in looking good and feeling good about yourself. All I am saying is when is it too much. Do you spend a small fortune on all the enhancements to still be lonely.

Frustrated and Pretty

Women who refer to themselves as “pretty” are pretty frustrated. Again, I am only addressing the ones who are in the dating game. Despite the things they do, the pretty women feel like the simple, basic looking women are the ones receiving the attention. Possible reasons below may reveal the barrier to meeting that special someone. Think about the things below:

Frame of Mind

Do you have the attitude that you are better than everyone else in the room? If you are attending an event and turn your nose up at everyone else, because you think you are the best looking one there…. Guess again. No one is discounting the fact that you may be attractive, but an attitude like that makes you appear ugly to others. Remember, every person has something unique to offer. Just because you are attractive, does not mean that every man will automatically approach you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Posture

Are you approachable? Are your face and lips twisted? Do you have your arms folded? Is your back turned? Do you look friendly and smiling? Are you slouching? Body language is an important cue that we sometimes miss and do not think about. If you look like you do not want to be bothered and have a mean look on your face, who will step to you? Think about it for a second. If men are passing you by and going over to other women, take a moment and check your body language and posture.

Set Yourself Apart

Unglue and unsew, remove the false eyelashes and wear your nails short to medium length. Do away with the long edges/baby hair and use lip wear that does not contain plumping ingredients. Why blend in with the same look as everyone else? Do something different so that you do not look like everyone in the place. You would be surprised at how much money and time you can save from paying for that expensive weave and sitting in the salon for hours on end. There are so many styles you can do with your natural hair, no matter how short or long it is. You might even like your natural hair much better.

Worldly

Are you materialistic? Do you don designer apparel from head to toe? The purse cost $800, shoes $250, outfit $400. If you present as someone who is donned in all designer apparel, men may shy away from you. The reason is that they see their pockets getting empty already. Before they speak a word, they know they are going to be broke. You may not be materialistic, but strangers do not know this. The man may see this and think that you are going to drain his money. The saying, ‘not to judge a book by its cover’ comes to mind. Although it is not fair, it happens all the time.

New Things

Give someone other than your usual type a chance. If the type you normally go for approaches you, so be it. Carry on a conversation it doesn’t hurt. Alternatively, try giving the men you normally do not go for a chance. Don’t shoot them down before they can finish the first sentence. You might be surprised at how much you have in common with him and what a deep connection the two of you share together.

Outlook

Try an experiment for two weeks or a month. Unsew and unglue. Reveal the person underneath all the extra stuff. See if any of these changes make a difference in how you feel and/or improve your chances of making that special connection that you are seeking. The simple, plain looking women are looking for that special connection the same as you. Do not be mad at their approach. Find what works best for you.

Full disclosure: I can speak to this because I was guilty of some of these things in the past. I have either experienced these first-hand or have observed these behaviors. And before anyone jumps to conclusions, there is nothing wrong with wigs/weave. I too have wigs and have had my hair braided with added hair. No judgement. The information contained here is to illustrate a point.

Love yourself and all that you are. If you don’t who else will? 💛💖

Thank you for reading! 🙏💞

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Topic

Things; Simple

Things; Simple

When you see your mate 
Just the sight of them realizing your fate 
Are you greeted with a warm embrace 
Or indifference instead 
You know, like a frown or look of dread 

 Just the simple things 

You get home stressed from work 
Walking in your mate is wearing a smile 
A smile that lets you know that they miss you
 
They see you
 
They are glad you are home
 
They love you 

 Just the simple things 

All that can be said without saying a single word 
Its time for bed, your mate gives your hand a squeeze 
Gives you a hug 
Utters the words, good night Baby 
Next up is the forehead kiss 

 Just the simple things 

A forehead kiss... 
Wait a minute 
If you have not experienced a forehead kiss 
When you do, you will understand 
It’s one of the most endearing forms of affection 

 Just the simple things 

Love who loves you back
Want who wants you back 
If you are met with attitude 
Take no gratitude in the latitude of someone else's wrath 
The magnitude does not matter 

Just the simple things

Thank you for reading! 💕🥰

Categories
Topic Words of Wisdom

Too Young or Too Old for Marriage

Too Young or Too Old for Marriage

Video message-Age limit for marriage

What is the proper age for people to get married? Is there such a thing as too young or too old? Undue pressures of society have us buying into unrealistic expectations. Who is to say at what age you find love. What is your take on the subject? Leave a comment and share your perspective.

As always, thank you for watching. 🧡

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Topic

Independent by Choice or Force

Independent by Choice or Force
Photo by Nicolas Thomas on Unsplash

Independent by choice or force, which are you? Someone who is independent does not rely or count on outside things. An independent person may also be considered self-sufficient. Being independent comes with both positive and negative judgements. Let us look at both sides of the coin.

Independent by choice

I got this
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels

A person who is independent by choice may be seen as egotistical, head-strong, unyielding or even arrogant. People who choose to be independent are those who feel they have something to prove. They have to show others that they can do for themselves without assistance from anyone else. They have it in their mind that if someone helps them, they are weak. Maybe people will see them as incompetent. On the other hand, they may feel like they owe someone who lends a helping hand. Having access to resources but not using them is another way to exhibit being independent by choice. If you have a support system but choose to do everything yourself and not accept help, then this would be a choosey independent.

Independent by force

Mom working at home with the kids
Photo by Ketut Subiyanto: on Pexels

Being independent by force is more of a survivalist style of living. If you are independent by force it means that you do not have a support system and have to mostly rely on yourself. There are no close friends or relatives in easy reach that you can call on. In this case, you only have you. It takes a lot to deal with and handle everything that is necessary for everyday life. Especially, if you have medical and/or physical limitations, or are economically strapped for cash.

In some of these cases, people will just give up because they are tired. Mentally and physically exhausted. Even when local resources are available, you may not be able to get to the place to receive services. For example, someone without a car does not have a ride to sign up for services. Some individuals may not have fare to ride public transportation, even if this is available in their area. It is difficult to be in this situation, but some people manage just fine. They have it in their mind that they have to get it done and find a way.

Independence in relationships

Man offering helping hand
Photo by Robin Kutesa on Pexels

In relationships, this is a topic that rears its ugly head. Some of our sistas are out here being strong and independent. That’s cool, that is great, but… don’t overdue it and make your man feel that he cannot do for you. I know it can be hard at times to let the wall down and let someone get close to you. This mindset of having the wall up and being independent comes from being a product of your environment, in some cases.

Meaning, we have single mothers taking care of the kids alone. The fathers are not around for whatever reason. Sista’s in relationships with men who are not holding up their end of the relationship. Being a bum and letting the woman carry them. This behavior is enabling and can only have a negative effect on the relationship in the long run.

Holding your own is a wonderful thing and gives you purpose and a feeling that you can do for yourself. Beware, shutting your partner out will cause a divide. Just know that your man wants to feel like a man and be there for you too. Let him in. Let him feel important in the relationship, like he can be there for you, the same way you are for him.

Independent by Choice or Force

Sometimes we can’t help our circumstances. We can only do our best to make sure that we maintain our livelihood. Just remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Especially, if you are in a position to seek assistance from those close to you. We all can use a helping hand at one time or another in life.

On the other hand, there are individuals who do not care to do anything for themselves. They just wait around and if something happens it happens but if not, then oh well. This type of mindset does not make for being a productive person. Life is so short. We have to try our best to make things happen.

Let us be a participant in life and not a spectator.

Categories
Topic

4 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong

Relationships = C.A.R.E.

Communication

Affection

Responsibility

Effort

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Relationships=Communication

Relationships need communication. I know, I know how many times do we hear this? A lot. Even though we often hear how important communication is, how often are we actually doing it? In order to keep our relationship healthy and keep communication open, we have to talk to each other. We cannot assume our husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other knows what we are thinking or how we feel. Do not expect your partner to work a miracle by whipping out the crystal ball to enter the depths of your brain. It is not going to happen. If you keep feelings inside and do not speak up for yourself, you will never get what you want in life. You have to advocate for yourself; if you don’t who will?

In a relationship, it is important to talk about the everyday things as well as the deeper issues. Every relationship will have its ups and downs. The best way to work through any problem is to talk. It won’t be easy all the time, but the important thing is that you hear each other. Not saying that you will always agree, but at least listen to each other. Obviously, you value this person, so at least take the time to listen to the other’s point of view. When you love and care for someone, you will want to give that extra attention.

When an issue comes up and you feel a certain way about it; speak on it. I know that everyone is not easy to talk to, but this is where you will have to be creative and find the best way to approach the situation. If you already know that a frying pan will be coming across the side of your head, obviously you want to talk in a public place. Do not attempt a difficult conversation at home when it’s just the two of you. This is, of course an extreme example.

Relationships=Affection

Affection comes in more than one form. It can be physical, spoken or by way of deeds. We are human and we all need love. If you are a tactile person; meaning you like the physical touch and are hands on, naturally you will be more prone to the physical form of affection. You may prefer to hold hands in public or at home while watching a movie. You may like to hug a lot. Maybe you like to kiss. Also, sex may be your primary form of affection. Let your partner know what you like. If you don’t, you may start to feel neglected when you don’t get those hugs or kisses, you might feel that your partner doesn’t love you.

On the other side of that, you may not be a touchy-feely person or affectionate at all. You might not like holding hands or being touched all the time. You may not enjoy the embrace of a hug. Whatever your style of affection, make it known to your partner. This goes back to communication. If you are not affectionate but your partner always wants to hug, you might feel smothered. We use affection as a way to show our love and attraction to our partner. Be it a physical or mental attraction. Often, it’s both physical and mental.

Affection can also be spoken. You can show your affection by giving your partner a compliment. Also, by being supportive of your partner’s successes and accomplishments are another way to show affection. Celebrating your partner’s wins, no matter how big or small. You may think the other person doesn’t notice or appreciate but it goes a long way.

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Relationships=Responsibility

Relationships come with some level of responsibility. Our actions can make or break a relationship. That’s why we have to come with some “act right”. If we own up to our …ISH and admit when we are wrong or may have made a misstep. it makes things a lot easier. We have to know that our relationship will only grow when we are making positive moves and treating our partner with respect. On the other hand, when we are not being respectful, we have to know that it will definitely cause static. Static that we might not be able to fix.

There is no such thing as a perfect person so there will be no perfect relationship. Taking responsibility for being respectful and trustworthy only adds to the value of the relationship. It makes the union last longer and more enjoyable for both parties involved. Take pride in knowing that you can hear the smile of your partner on the other end of the phone because they feel valued. Take pride in knowing that your partner wants to see you after a long day at work. The reasons are because you make your partner feel that you are present and you care and love them.

Being responsible means that you understand how to conduct yourself in a way that doesn’t offend your partner. If you are in the streets a lot and do not spend time together, that is not cool. There has to be a balance.

Relationships=Effort

Effort must be applied in a relationship or it will not stand a chance. Not saying that all relationships will be successful but you have to put some work in. Just like you show up for your job to ensure you get paid. Think of your relationship the same way. Put that work in! Put the conscious effort into your relationship like you would your job, but only the relationship is more fun and rewarding.

You know you are in a healthy relationship when you look forward to seeing your partner. When they call you, they can hear you smiling on the other end of the phone. You get excited to go home to your partner. If this is not the case for you just ask yourself, what can I do to make things better? What is missing in the relationship? One way to find out is to ask your partner. Maybe talk to someone you trust who may be able to give some good advice.

The one thing you don’t want to happen is to take each other for granted. Don’t just go through the motions. Put the electronics down and engage each other. Step away from the TV. Go for a walk together. Ladies dust off the lingerie. Fellas put on some cologne. Romance each other. Don’t be lazy with the sex. Your partner is not going to dig into their bag of tricks when you are not putting in effort.

Keep the Spice Going

  • Think back to when you first met and plan something that you both liked to do in the early stages of the relationship.
  • Go on a date night, maybe where you had your first date. If not the first date, then someplace different from where you usually go.
  • Tell your partner you love them.
  • Surprise your partner with a “thinking of you” card and write something in it. Yes, I said a greeting card from the store. And, yes, write something nice in your own writing. Be genuine with your words. (Don’t send a text, I see you :-))
  • Do something nice for your partner. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme. Give him/her a foot rub or body massage.
  • Cook a romantic meal complete with music, candles and lighting. You know what to do.
  • Just think back to what attracted you to your partner in the first place and go from there.
  • Surprise your partner with a gift, just because.

Take care of your relationship and it will take care of you.