Month: January 2022

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4 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Strong

Relationships = C.A.R.E.

Communication

Affection

Responsibility

Effort

Image by John Hain from Pixabay

Relationships=Communication

Relationships need communication. I know, I know how many times do we hear this? A lot. Even though we often hear how important communication is, how often are we actually doing it? In order to keep our relationship healthy and keep communication open, we have to talk to each other. We cannot assume our husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other knows what we are thinking or how we feel. Do not expect your partner to work a miracle by whipping out the crystal ball to enter the depths of your brain. It is not going to happen. If you keep feelings inside and do not speak up for yourself, you will never get what you want in life. You have to advocate for yourself; if you don’t who will?

In a relationship, it is important to talk about the everyday things as well as the deeper issues. Every relationship will have its ups and downs. The best way to work through any problem is to talk. It won’t be easy all the time, but the important thing is that you hear each other. Not saying that you will always agree, but at least listen to each other. Obviously, you value this person, so at least take the time to listen to the other’s point of view. When you love and care for someone, you will want to give that extra attention.

When an issue comes up and you feel a certain way about it; speak on it. I know that everyone is not easy to talk to, but this is where you will have to be creative and find the best way to approach the situation. If you already know that a frying pan will be coming across the side of your head, obviously you want to talk in a public place. Do not attempt a difficult conversation at home when it’s just the two of you. This is, of course an extreme example.

Relationships=Affection

Affection comes in more than one form. It can be physical, spoken or by way of deeds. We are human and we all need love. If you are a tactile person; meaning you like the physical touch and are hands on, naturally you will be more prone to the physical form of affection. You may prefer to hold hands in public or at home while watching a movie. You may like to hug a lot. Maybe you like to kiss. Also, sex may be your primary form of affection. Let your partner know what you like. If you don’t, you may start to feel neglected when you don’t get those hugs or kisses, you might feel that your partner doesn’t love you.

On the other side of that, you may not be a touchy-feely person or affectionate at all. You might not like holding hands or being touched all the time. You may not enjoy the embrace of a hug. Whatever your style of affection, make it known to your partner. This goes back to communication. If you are not affectionate but your partner always wants to hug, you might feel smothered. We use affection as a way to show our love and attraction to our partner. Be it a physical or mental attraction. Often, it’s both physical and mental.

Affection can also be spoken. You can show your affection by giving your partner a compliment. Also, by being supportive of your partner’s successes and accomplishments are another way to show affection. Celebrating your partner’s wins, no matter how big or small. You may think the other person doesn’t notice or appreciate but it goes a long way.

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Relationships=Responsibility

Relationships come with some level of responsibility. Our actions can make or break a relationship. That’s why we have to come with some “act right”. If we own up to our …ISH and admit when we are wrong or may have made a misstep. it makes things a lot easier. We have to know that our relationship will only grow when we are making positive moves and treating our partner with respect. On the other hand, when we are not being respectful, we have to know that it will definitely cause static. Static that we might not be able to fix.

There is no such thing as a perfect person so there will be no perfect relationship. Taking responsibility for being respectful and trustworthy only adds to the value of the relationship. It makes the union last longer and more enjoyable for both parties involved. Take pride in knowing that you can hear the smile of your partner on the other end of the phone because they feel valued. Take pride in knowing that your partner wants to see you after a long day at work. The reasons are because you make your partner feel that you are present and you care and love them.

Being responsible means that you understand how to conduct yourself in a way that doesn’t offend your partner. If you are in the streets a lot and do not spend time together, that is not cool. There has to be a balance.

Relationships=Effort

Effort must be applied in a relationship or it will not stand a chance. Not saying that all relationships will be successful but you have to put some work in. Just like you show up for your job to ensure you get paid. Think of your relationship the same way. Put that work in! Put the conscious effort into your relationship like you would your job, but only the relationship is more fun and rewarding.

You know you are in a healthy relationship when you look forward to seeing your partner. When they call you, they can hear you smiling on the other end of the phone. You get excited to go home to your partner. If this is not the case for you just ask yourself, what can I do to make things better? What is missing in the relationship? One way to find out is to ask your partner. Maybe talk to someone you trust who may be able to give some good advice.

The one thing you don’t want to happen is to take each other for granted. Don’t just go through the motions. Put the electronics down and engage each other. Step away from the TV. Go for a walk together. Ladies dust off the lingerie. Fellas put on some cologne. Romance each other. Don’t be lazy with the sex. Your partner is not going to dig into their bag of tricks when you are not putting in effort.

Keep the Spice Going

  • Think back to when you first met and plan something that you both liked to do in the early stages of the relationship.
  • Go on a date night, maybe where you had your first date. If not the first date, then someplace different from where you usually go.
  • Tell your partner you love them.
  • Surprise your partner with a “thinking of you” card and write something in it. Yes, I said a greeting card from the store. And, yes, write something nice in your own writing. Be genuine with your words. (Don’t send a text, I see you :-))
  • Do something nice for your partner. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme. Give him/her a foot rub or body massage.
  • Cook a romantic meal complete with music, candles and lighting. You know what to do.
  • Just think back to what attracted you to your partner in the first place and go from there.
  • Surprise your partner with a gift, just because.

Take care of your relationship and it will take care of you.

Categories
Self Awareness Topic

Just for Men: Check Yourself for Good Health

Image by Myriams-Fotos from Pixabay

This is just for men; check yourself for good health. Let’s talk about it. This is for all the dads, uncles, nephews, brothers, sons and cousins. We all know that men pride themselves for being the protectors and providers of the family. You have to be strong. Yes, this is true to some degree. Because you are such an important part of the foundation of family, we need you to be around. We need you to be healthy, not just for family but for yourself. This is an appeal to you, to take care of your health before it is too late.

Put your testosterone aside. Leave the machismo at home for a minute. Drop the bravado. There are things that need to be checked for health reasons and longevity in life. Even if you do not have any symptoms and think that everything is fine; get a check up anyway. You may be thinking to yourself; I don’t need nobody poking at me, looking at things that ain’t none of their business. Please put that notion aside for a minute.

Ladies, please urge all the men in your life to get a check up.

Let’s look at some conditions that black men face.

Heart Disease and African Americans

African Americans are more prone to heart disease and are at higher risk for developing heart issues. 44% of African American men have some form of heart disease. Some other conditions that contribute to this are diabetes, hypertension, obesity and high cholesterol levels. Some ways to stay ahead of this is by getting regular check ups and knowing the specific health risks for you.

Check your blood pressure, blood glucose levels, and cholesterol. All of these things combined will give a better overall picture about your heart health.

Be pro-active and get more physical exercise, eat a healthier diet and drink more water.

Prostate Health and You

Please consider getting a prostate exam. Talk to your healthcare provider about your risks for prostate cancer. The earlier this condition is found the better the chances are for treatment. Prostate cancer is one of the most common forms of cancer among men. Also, it is one of the leading causes of cancer death in men. Especially, men of a certain age should consider talking to their doctor about this. Just because all of your parts are working does not mean everything is everything. Some types of prostate cancer have no symptoms at all. Compared to white men, the number of new prostate cancer cases in Black men is 60% higher.

Prostate Cancer: Statistics | Cancer.Net

Mental Health Awareness

Many black men face mental health disorders. Anxiety disorders, depression, mood disorders and PTSD; just to name a few. Some men were not taught how to process and express their emotional feelings. As a result, many start to feel angry, resentful and isolated. It may have something to do with holding things in and not wanting to be vulnerable. Also, within the black community there is distrust with medical professionals. This adds to the barriers of seeking professional help when needed. If you are a man who does not trust medical professionals, talk to someone you know and trust.

A lot of men feel the financial pressures of providing for their families. So, when money problems occur, they are hesitant to speak on this. Some are afraid that they may be perceived as being weak. It takes strength in order to want to get help and tackle the situation, rather than let it linger on and on. It helps to get it out. Talking about issues that you are facing can reduce anxiety and stress. It is okay to talk about these things without the stigma that exists within the black community. Therapy or counseling is a taboo subject in the black community. It is not something that is openly discussed and rarely brought up at all.

Diabetes and What to Know

Type 2 diabetes is more common in men compared to women. 90-95% of people with diabetes has type 2. Diabetes can lead to other problems with vision, kidney disease and heart disease. Type 2 diabetes is preventable and if you already have it, it can be managed with lifestyle changes, diet and/or medication. Poorly controlled diabetes increases blood sugar levels in the bloodstream.

Some ways to prevent diabetes

  • Drink plenty of water. The more water you drink helps to avoid intake of extra sugar from other drinks.
  • Get regular exercise. More physical activity helps to keep blood sugar levels under control. Choose activity that you like to do and something that you will stick with for the long haul.
  • Watch portion sizes and try to eat a low-carb diet. By lessening your carb intake your body will require less insulin to maintain your blood sugar level.

Some ways to manage diabetes

  • Monitor blood pressure- try to maintain a reading of 130/80 or below.
  • Check cholesterol levels-try to keep the LDL (bad level) less than 100 mg/dl.
  • Check hemoglobin A1C- this reading shows how well blood sugar is being managed in the body. A level of less than 7 reduces the risk of damage to eyes and kidneys.

As you can see, heart disease, prostate health, mental health and diabetes are very important things to monitor. These are real things that happen to real people. The sooner you keep tabs on your health, the better your chances are of improving your health. Remember, we need you to be around. To be here and healthy!

Categories
Diversity Topic

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King, Jr. was born on January 15, 1929. He was a very influential Black, civil rights activist. and minister. One of the things he was known for is the, I Have a Dream speech which he recited on August 28, 1963. He gave this speech at the March on Washington in D.C. This speech was a call to end racism and for civil and economic rights. His non-violent approach is something he was also known for, which was due to his Christian beliefs.

Image by Gordon Johnson from Pixabay

The Montgomery Bus Boycott was to his credit also. This boycott lasted for a little over a year and started in 1955. Rosa Parks was arrested during the boycott for not giving up her seat to a white person. This boycott came about in Montgomery, Alabama because of racial segregation on the public transit system. Black people had to sit in the back of the bus.

  • In October 1964, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the youngest person to receive this honor.
  • On April 4, 1968 he was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. Riots ensued after he was killed in cities all around the United States.
  • Martin Luther King, Jr. is the only non-president to have a national holiday.
  • In 1986 his birthday was observed in the United States as a federal holiday. Even though various states established his holiday as early as the year 1971.

Martin Luther King, Jr. positively changed the lives of African Americans, not only in his time but in many years after his death. People no longer have to sit in separate sections on the bus or drink from separate water fountains. He had a talent for bringing people together for a common goal. He was responsible for the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, just to name a few.

King has afforded, not only African Americans, but also the world as a whole with a lot of advantages that we might not have otherwise known today. His tireless efforts to protest and fight for equality and rights has truly paid off. We still have a long way to go in society but some progress has been made.

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Words of Wisdom

Quote

Encouragement

What words of encouragement do you have today?

Image by FotoRieth from Pixabay
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Topic

To relax or not to relax? That is the question

Photo by Shari Sirotnak on Unsplash

Natural or Relaxed Hair

Ok, ladies let’s talk about hair! If you have ethnic hair you will be able to relate. Some of us have been called nappy, some of us call our hair “bad hair”, some say you have thick hair, etc. Let us just embrace what we have. If you have ever asked yourself whether you should relax your hair or go natural, this might shed some light. Tackling the simple task of washing hair can be very time consuming without a relaxer. Detangling is a task in itself once it gets wet. Both relaxed and natural hair have advantages and disadvantages.

Having ethnic hair allows us to be versatile with the type of hair styles we create. Even though we can do a lot with this hair texture, the maintenance of it all is a challenge. Relaxed hair is easier to maintain and style but it can be flat and/or dry. I have had relaxed hair for as long as I can remember. I enjoyed being able to go out and not worry about the weather and if my hair got wet. It was also so simple and quick to wash and style my hair at home. Then I started to think about the harmful chemicals in relaxers. I started to wonder what it was doing to my body.

Relaxers can cause chemical burns to the scalp and/or skin, if not applied correctly. It can also do damage if left in for too long. You can also lose some hair as a result of improper application. Some of these products contain formaldehyde. If you have ever heard of formaldehyde, you know that this is probably not something you want in your hair. I’m surprised I still have hair left with the many years I have used relaxers.

On the other hand, wearing natural hair is no picnic either. It kinks up at the slightest amount of moisture in the air. You know that thing called HUMIDITY! Such an ugly word. 🙂 Depending on where you live in the country humidity can be a year-round thing. I would see some women leaving their scarf on to walk into work and then combing out their hair once inside. It takes a lot to keep natural hair intact.

Don’t get me wrong, there are harmful chemicals in other hair products that we use on a daily basis. Aerosol sprays contain harmful chemicals and other products can cause breakage on the hair. Some shampoo’s have harmful chemicals too.

We do have other options for our hair other than relaxing. Please don’t curse me out if you have a relaxer, I am not picking on anyone. We all have our reasons and we do what is best for our budget and our time schedule. It is a choice.

Let’s explore some other options and see which one fits you. As for me, I have stopped relaxing my hair for about 2 1/2 years and I am still getting used to how long it takes to get it to look halfway decent. I almost went back to relaxing. I am glad I changed my mind, even though it takes me longer to wash, condition and blow dry or wet set my hair. Right now, it is the best option for me.

Natural Hair

Natural hair is just that, no messy jheri curl juice (like back in the 80s), no caustic chemical relaxer, just what grows naturally from your scalp. The good thing is that there are different ways to wear natural hair. You can cut it low, twist it, braid it, wear it in an afro, wear it in the natural curly pattern or flat iron it for a straight look. If you want to have big hair, a fro is always a good choice. It gives lots of volume to hair. It also gives the woman who wears it some attitude!!

Wearing natural hair requires some extra time and patience. Of course, we must remember to moisturize and condition our hair. Very important step is to moisturize, moisturize and what… MOISTURIZE. Yes, that’s right! If we let our hair get too dry, it will cause breakage and look dull. Another tip to prevent breakage is to keep the ends trimmed. Trimming the ends keeps the hair from getting tangled and coming out with regular brushing and/or combing.

The bad part about wearing natural hair is that it is time consuming. Just to wash natural hair takes twice as long as it would if it were relaxed. Also, with natural hair you have to be careful not to get it wet. If it is raining outside we must have an umbrella or hood to cover our hair. Also, we have to be careful not to get it wet in the shower. Natural hair is a nightmare if your scalp sweats a lot too. It makes the roots and edges start to curl up and look nappy. You know the thing called, snap back! Who wants that?! Edge control gel is your friend!! Natural hair is not for those who do not have time or patience. It requires more trips to the salon, just to keep it looking fresh.

Let’s look at other things we can do with our hair instead of relaxing

  • Wigs

Wigs have come a long way. You can purchase virtually any style you want. The options are endless. Some wigs can be pricey, depending on the type of hair you buy but there are affordable choices. Wigs are also an option for women who may be affected by alopecia or a similar problem with hair loss. Believe it or not, women are affected by hair loss too. It is not just a man’s problem. Hair loss can either be hereditary or can be the result of how we manage our hair. Wigs are fun if you like to change your look often. You can find wigs in different lengths, colors and styles. Wigs are also a quick option when you don’t have a lot of time to spend on getting your hair ready. Wearing wigs also gives you a chance to try out a new hairstyle, before actually getting it cut.

Just a side note to treat your wig right. When you take it off don’t just throw it on the dresser or in the closet. Talk to it and give it a name. Once we name something, it becomes more personal. Be sure to detangle it with fingers and smooth it out before putting it to bed.

  • Weaves

Weaves can protect the hair, it’s what is referred to as one form of protective styling. These styles may take about 1 1/2 hours to install but is worth the time. If you get a basic sew in, your hair is braided down and then the extra hair sewn in. The time a weave will last depends greatly on how it is maintained, and the type of hair used. A touch up may also be needed at the salon. Try to keep it from getting wet, unless washing. Also, keep the tangles out. Weaves are also available in straight styles, wavy, curly, etc.

  • Extensions/Braids

Adding hair for braided styles is another option. You can pick the color you want, and you can pick how long or short you want the style to be. You can also style the braids in cornrows, twists, box braids, goddess braids, etc. Depending on how intricate the style is, it may take about 3-5 hours to install. If you get microbraids, plan for an additional 2-3 hours or longer. Putting braids in can last a minimum of 4-8 weeks. We have to remember to moisturize. It is important to remember that with braids, it affects our edges. The longer you keep the braids in and the more frequent you get hair braided will start to make the edges go away. It will affect your hairline, and not in a good way. It will start to recede. We must keep this in mind. There are so many cute styles and braids are so convenient, but the weight of the extensions and the tightness is what can cause problems in this area.

  • Hair Straightening/Blowout

If you are more into straight styles try hair straightening with either a flat iron or get a blowout. Hair can be straightened by using a flat iron or any heat appliance. Be mindful to use a heat protectant with any heat styling. You can achieve the look of relaxed hair without using the chemicals. Getting a blowout requires a lot of heat to the hair. This kind of styling can damage hair over time. Even though a blowout makes the hair look so silky and makes it flow. it is best to limit blowouts to prevent heat damage. The result of getting hair blown out is beautiful but like most styles comes with the risk of damage.

Relaxed Hair

Relaxed hair requires applying chemicals to hair. You can purchase a kit from the beauty supply store to apply at home or you can go to the salon for a professional look. Relaxers come in lye and no-lye formulas. Some of these relaxers have formaldehyde. You know, the stuff that funeral homes use. Depending on your budget, applying a relaxer at home is the cheaper way to go. Please follow directions included in the box.

Relaxing hair only needs a touch up about every 6-8 weeks. Also, it is easy to wash, condition and moisturize. It does not require a lot of time just to keep it maintained. Relaxed hair is also very manageable. You don’t have the worries about humidity and/or rain when outdoors. It is less of a hassle. At night, it helps to wrap the hair and tie it down. Using a silk scarf is best because cotton will take the hair out.

Conclusion

If you have ever asked yourself if you should relax your hair or not, you have to decide what method works best for you. I hope I have shed some light and helped you get closer to making the decision. There is no right or wrong way to wear your hair. It is a personal choice. I am just bringing some awareness to the good and bad of using relaxers. Yes, we pay the price for beauty. So, no matter what you choose, you are beautiful!

Categories
Diversity Topic

Three Kings Day

Photo by Jonathan Meyer on Unsplash

Today, January 6th is Three Kings Day! Today is also known as Epiphany or El Día de Reyes. I just want to take a minute to recognize today since I am Boricua too. Although, I am still learning about the traditions of this holiday. I have my Titi in Puerto Rico to thank for keeping me up to date with the culture. This day marks the end of the Christmas holiday celebrations. Three Kings Day is celebrated in Mexico, Spain, Puerto Rico, Argentina and Peru, just to name a few.

As you can imagine, the celebrations involve family. It also involves gifts for the children. During this holiday some traditional dishes are arroz con gandules, pasteles, and roasted pork. Add to that, Puerto Rican eggnog which is called Coquito (little coconut). Another tradition is caroling (parrandas) while singing aguinaldos or Christmas songs. Some musical instruments used during a parranda are maracas, guitar, cuatros and guiros. Wepa!

Photo by Luis Santiago on Unsplash
Categories
Topic

Can You Answer This? Is forgiveness or justice more important?

Forgiveness
Photo by Melanie Stander on Unsplash

Welcome back to Can You Answer This? I will start this off by answering the question. Is forgiveness or justice more important? I would definitely say that it depends on the situation. If you are on the receiving end of a crime, justice may be the first and only thing that comes to mind. I say that because if someone has committed a crime against you, of course you want them to pay for what they did. It sets the tone for others to think twice before doing the same thing, when a person or person(s) are prosecuted for their misdeeds. Some people learn from this, but others don’t. This is not a perfect world so we cannot be surprised by what we see going on.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

If the crime only involved material things and something was stolen, then forgiveness comes into play. Things can always be replaced. On the other hand, if the crime involved losing a loved one then justice needs to prevail. Sadly, a lot of these cases do not end in justice.

Forgiveness is not only for the person who committed the crime but also for the victim. If someone has hurt you in some way and you choose to forgive, it has an advantage to you too. That advantage is that it lifts some burden and stress from your life. When we forgive, it allows us to move on and not let it hold us back. I’m not saying that we forget what happened but it gives us some level of peace to be able to forgive. If we want others to forgive us for our mistakes, we must forgive too.

What do you think?