Tag: humor

Categories
Topic

Heartbeat of La Cucaracha

Heartbeat of la cucaracha is a short, funny poem. Hope you get a laugh or at least a smile.

Oh no, they can see me!

Heartbeat of la cucaracha 
Heartbeat; do you hear it 
bump bump, bump bump
Yes its always there 
Aware of it you admit 

 It moves around in the dark 
Hoping that no one will see 
The way they embark 
Roaming around feeding for free 

Heartbeat ebbs nice and slow  
In the dark, you will never know 
Heartbeat speeds up 
When the light is aglow 

Scatter and a scurry 
Oh no, they can see me  
Running from the light they hurry 
Bump bump, bump bump 

Hiding in the corner 
La cucaracha thinks he has won 
Only to be crushed by a scorner 
Bump, bump, b u m p, b u m p 
Heartbeat silenced, peace has now begun
I Done Told You!

Thank you for reading! ❤🙏🌺

Image by vocablitz from Pixabay

Categories
Self Awareness Topic

Screw face- When and How to Use It.

Screw face- When and How to Use it

Image by prabha karan from Pixabay

What is a screw face? It is a very crafty tool when used correctly. The timing has to be right, and you have to know when to turn it off. Let me describe it first. It is when you tighten your face muscles and create a face that tells people to back off. It is a face that lets people know that you mean business and you are not playing games. Distortion of your face to look mean. Think Sticky Fingaz, Busta Rhymes, Ice Cube, Fredo Starr, etc…

A time to put on your mean/angry face is when you are out and about. Riding the subway or out walking on the street too. It lets people know not to try you, that you see them, and they better not approach you. Also, in your car put on your screw face. This way the “would be” carjackers will think very carefully before trying to take your whip.

Sometimes you can have on your screw face and not be aware of it. You are just so used to tightening your face it is second nature. Just say the phrase, “relax your face muscles”. You can also practice this in the mirror so that you can see the difference. We send messages without speaking a word and this includes our facial expression.

Useful times for a frown

Some people use a screw face to ward off other people at work. For example, if you never get a chance to do your work because people are always coming into your office with questions and/or requests. A screw face is useful at this time. Because; if people think that you are having a bad day or you are upset about something, a screw face buys you some uninterrupted time to complete your tasks. You will have less knocks on your office door.

If you are out alone and in unfamiliar surroundings, use your screw face. If you look mean and frown your face, it might help to prevent being robbed and/or assaulted. Screwing your face will definitely make someone think twice, especially when they have ill intentions.

Un-screw your face

When you feel like no one approaches you and you can’t figure out why. This is for the ladies; just keep this in mind. When you are out during a social event and men approach your friends but not you. If you have that face that is so uninviting, people are going to pass you by. You might say to yourself, “self, my outfit is nice, my shoes are matching, my hair is laid and my face is beat”. This is the moment to stop and tell yourself to fix your face. Just think, relax your face muscles.

This technique can be used throughout the day. In your car, at work, at home. When you feel like people are not receptive to your approach, it may be that you have a mean look on your face. Again, ladies if you want to interact with a man that you are interested in, fix your face. This is not the time to have on your screw face. You don’t want to be labeled as an angry woman with things on her mind or emotional baggage.

Summation

Whether or not you use a screw face, just know that it comes with benefits. You might wonder why anyone would want to frown or distort their face. If you have ever lived in the inner city or rough parts of town, then you can relate to this, and you will fully understand the necessity of it.

Remember to be aware of whether or not you have a screw face on in social situations. It can make or break your experience. I hope you got a laugh or smile while reading about a screw face. It has some humor in it but is also true. If you have ever had a screw face, you get the meaning and you will learn how to use it.

Categories
Topic

Things You Never Say to a Woman

Don’t you dare say that!
Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

Things You Never Say to a Woman

It can be hard to know what things are okay and not okay to say to a woman. If there is any doubt about it, just keep it to yourself. I urge you not to do it! Some of these things may result in you getting a slap across the face or cursed out. The most important thing to remember is not to intentionally hurt someone’s feelings. Just think about how you would feel if someone did or said these things to you? I’m giving these examples in humor but make no mistake, tread lightly.

When is your baby due? This is a major no-no. Only ask this question when you have heard it directly from the expectant mother. If you do not have first-hand knowledge of the fact that a woman is pregnant; keep your mouth shut! No one says anything about your beer belly. What about that?

Image by No-longer-here from Pixabay

Is that your real hair? What! Of course, it’s my real hair. Either I grew this organically or I bought it. Therefore, it makes it mine and real. If there is any question in your mind about it don’t let your curiosity get the best of you. As long as it looks good, it doesn’t matter if it was bought or grown.

Is that what you are wearing? First, be happy that we are gracing you with our company. Do not question our choice in outfit. It sets a bad tone for the rest of the evening. Second, let’s not mention, the times you have made some questionable choices in outfits. Just saying!

Any statement that starts with, “for a woman…”. Oh no, this is bad. You never want to preface anything with, “for a woman…”. What do you mean?!?! Example: for a woman, you are a good driver. Psst, there is this rumor going around that women are bad drivers. Can you believe that?!

This is a never do. Never touch a woman’s hair without permission. If you want to draw back a nub or two, just try it! We do not want you pawing through our hair, unless we invite you. A time commitment is involved to get our hair manageable and to our liking. Don’t think it’s open season to come over and start messing with it. Remember this.

Closing Thought

Lastly, I would also like to let women know that you never ask a question that you do not want the real answer to. You know the one that is often asked. “Does this dress make me look fat?” Don’t do it to yourself.

Hope you all got a laugh or two. Even though some of these things are funny, just stop and think before saying a word.

Strange Things People Do

Categories
Topic

Eye Lashes, Brows, Lips, Butt and Fingernails

With all the airbrushing we see in magazines and online., there is a lot of pressure to try to look like these “unrealistic” images. Just use what you have naturally. There is nothing wrong with just being you. Sometimes we do too much in an effort to fit in. Come with me on this comical but true journey about some of the cosmetic changes we make. I know you will smile or laugh at yourself at least once. If none of these apply to you, at least you know someone who fits the description.

Eye Lashes

Left- Natural lashes Right- Extra-long falsies

Lashes, lashes and more lashes, you know who you are. Let’s talk about these extra-long eye lashes. Just one question; why? Are you looking for shade for your face? Why do your lashes need to be this long? I know you can’t wear sunglasses or any kind of eyewear with these long lashes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have full lashes. But…when your eye lashes look like you have a caterpillar or roach on your eye lids, that ain’t cute! Stop it with these extra- long lashes, it’s too much. You are going to mess around and get those lashes caught in something then what are you going to do? We don’t need those problems.

Brows

Nicely shaped brows

On top of having full lashes, it is nice to have a neatly shaped brow. There are a few ways to get them into the shape you want to fit your face. Please remember that you DO NOT want to have the surprised look on your face. You know, when the brows are arched so high that you look surprised all the time… Come on now, admit that at least once you arched your brows too high. Tell the truth! But seriously, arch the brows but not so much so that you look like you are in amazement all day, every day.

Lips

If you have lips that are thin and you want them to look fuller, just try lipstick that has “plumper” added. There are a lot of shades on the market these days. But, when you get your lips injected with filler and your lips are abnormally big for your face; Houston we have a problem! You want your lips to look natural, not like they are swollen and you can stick a pin in them and they will deflate. Or so big that it looks like you had an allergic reaction to something. Also, when applying clear lip gloss; don’t put on so much that it looks like you stuck your face in a bucket of greasy chicken! Just use enough to cover the surface for moisturization. Remember, less is more.

THIS IS NOT THE LOOK YOU WANT

Butt

Now, some of us have a butt and some of us don’t. It’s okay. If you need a little extra cushion or padding, you can always buy butt pads. They look like a girdle but have the padding sewn into the butt area. It’s the same concept of a padded bra. The benefit of wearing butt pads is that you won’t need surgery to achieve the look you want. On the other hand, if you get butt injections to make your back side look bigger, be weary! Some people get too much and it looks so unnatural. If the rest of your body is not proportionate to the size of your butt, it will not look right. Just keep that in mind.

Fingernails

Left- Workable length Right- A little long, claw-like

Nails, nails and more nails. Whether you wear your natural nails, acrylic, gel or press-ons, let’s not get out of hand with the length. The nails are so long that they start to curl under or the press-ons are so long you can’t do certain things. It doesn’t matter how nicely the nails are painted with the colors and designs. You can still have the same look but with a length that is workable. The longer the nails the more germs get under the nail beds. It also makes it harder to perform regular hygienic tasks.

Beauty is important but let’s not sacrifice our health with the unhealthy fillers and injections we get for bigger lips and a bigger butt. The pressure is real, but it is not worth the harmful effects it can have on us later on. What do you say on the subject?