One must not fall into complacency. It is the stuff that makes you stuck and stagnant. As humans, we are not meant to stay in the same place mentally or physically. Of course, our bodies and minds change over time with age. To be complacent means that you are self-satisfied and unaware of any deficiencies. Aloof, and smug also come to mind.
So, you can see that we must not fall into the trap. Being complacent puts us at risk. Again, risk of stagnation leaving no room for personal growth. This is not to say that once you set a goal and have obtained it that you have to continually keep setting more and more non-stop. No, just being aware that you have to work for your spot. You have to earn your position. Do not believe that your presence is all that is required.
The world of today has a lot of entitlement. Some people feel that because they are popular and, on a sports team, for example, that they don’t have to do the work. Well, while they think their popularity will keep them on the team, there is someone else working up to taking their spot.
Another example is to feel that you can eat unhealthily for as long as you want because you have a thin stature. You have been lucky enough not to go into cardiac arrest due to clogged arteries. Take your health more seriously, and know that it is not a good idea to think it won’t happen to you.
Comfort is okay but only for so long. At some point, you have to intentionally do something uncomfortable. Something that you always felt that you could not do. Because if you stay in that comfort for too long, guess what comes with it? Complacency.
We are not meant to get to a certain place/time in our lives and just stop. If we happen to fall into this trap, we are missing out on many opportunities. It’s okay to pause and take breaks. Just being for the sake of being, yes.
Another analogy is when you successfully find the relationship you want. Then the things you did to attain the relationship stop once the relationship is going well. No, you must continue in order to sustain it.
How about that “diet” you started. Only to go back to those bad eating habits after you have made you weight goal. What do you think will happen next? Of course, that weight is coming back with a vengeance.
Things do not happen to or for us with little to no effort. We have to work for change and forward movement. It is only to our benefit. We cannot risk our health, hearts, body and minds to being complacent. If you feel yourself getting too comfortable, do something about it. Also remember to be kind to yourself in the process.
When you hear something scurrying about It is so tempting to open the door to investigate Only to discover when you do It is none other but the horned figure
The horned figure who is a chameleon Disguising itself as something other Other than the green-eyed bandit Just lying in wait ready to use their pointer
The pointer to out everyone but themselves When eyes are turned their way They start to retreat and hide away in the shadow Voice drops from 3 octaves down to one
One day they are dressed as a psychic The next as a black belt in karate Wonder what they will be the next time you see them Maybe that same horned figure in dirty crocodile shoes
It can be tempting but don’t answer the door Once the door is open the urge is hard to resist slamming it shut Let the horned figure stay busy trying to get in For they have nothing else to do
What does it mean to be a boss? Excellent! Outstanding! People have their own interpretation of the word. Some people take it to the extreme. Being a boss does not mean that you must be bossy. I know this is confusing. How can you be a boss and not be bossy?
Easy. Being a boss means that you have a level of control and stability. You have control over your circumstances and things that you do in life. You have stability in areas of your life that are important to you. What being a boss does not mean is bossing people around. Be the adjective of a boss and not the verb.
I am speaking to women on this subject. I think the colloquial term of being a boss, has gone too far. People are taking this out of context, and it is starting to have adverse effects. When you take your Boss self and start to do ugly things to people with your words and actions, do not be confused when people steer away from you.
You do not have to be bossy to let people know that you are in control. You do not have to be bossy to prove a point that you got this! That you are your own person. The boss in you will manifest itself. Others notice this and may or may not acknowledge it.
What a boss does
Loves herself
Says no without guilt
Is financially stable
Calls the shots
Has courage to ask for help
What a boss is not and/or does not do
Judgmental
Treat others badly
Talk down to people
Arrogant
Boastful
You can still be a boss, while simultaneously being a mother, wife, and sister. Please remember that you can still be outstanding and excellent without the negative undertones. Do not forget that you can still show your feminine side and call the shots. Stand your ground and be classy about it.
However, it can get lonely when you become too ambitious. A few people may fall out of your life while you are busy being a boss. Check in on people that you might not have seen or spoken to in a while. Remember that everyone needs someone.
Did you talk to yourself today as a reminder of how blessed you are? Tell yourself that no matter what happens you are still here. If you didn’t have the talk yet today, there is still time left.
The overwhelming amount of information is ever increasing. We see the latest, trending news and side with the masses. Or are you one to follow your own mind? Do you see a topic and automatically adopt the views of the masses?
It can be easy to go along with what everyone is saying or believing. At the end of the day, you have to hold your own truth. We get incoming traffic from TV, the internet, radio, people, videos, books and other forms. By “incoming traffic” I mean information.
The Source
Always consider the source. So often I witness people going along, or siding with the masses. Why? Follow your own mind. Rely on what you believe and know. It leads me to wonder if some people do it as a means of fitting in. Being with the “in crowd”. It’s that same “in crowd” that will get you into trouble.
The information we receive is not always aligned with our personal opinion. That is okay, nothing wrong with that. Just consider if you are receiving information from a source who likes to stir things up. Is the source coming from an objective point of view. Is the information being put out there to inform people or create hysteria? Consider the source.
Conversation
If a group of people all agree on a subject, does it make it true? Or is the conversation more interesting when there are differing views?
Having a differing opinion on something does not make you an outcast. It just means that you believe in what you believe in and are not jumping on the bandwagon, with everyone else. Basic conversation may be a reason that people agree on subjects and follow along with the consensus. In some instances, it is okay to join the crowd if it is for conversation’s sake. Do your homework and research things for yourself. Oftentimes, there are bits of missing information.
A group may agree on a subject that you see all over the news, etc. It does not mean that someone else’s truth, is your own. Just because a friend, relative or group of people have a point of view, does not mean that it has to be yours as well. I’m not saying that you should not listen, and value the opinion of others. Yes, of course listen to the views of others but do not take it as your own reality. Especially, if it doesn’t fit. The same way another person feels a certain way, you have your own views and/or opinions. It does not mean that they are right, and you are wrong.
The information age has so much out there in the universe, and it comes at us every day. We can decide to block it out by turning off the news, not getting on the internet or listening to the radio. It then leads some people to feel like they are not informed if they do not have some type of incoming information. You decide how much of it you want to filter.
Staying up to date with all the media is exhausting at times. You hear so much information, then you have to figure out how much of it is true. Words sometimes have a way of swaying people into believing certain things.
A Closer Look
Research, research, research Taking on the truth of others or believing that your fate will be the same as people you know, is not the case. Approach personal situations based on your own circumstances, not those of others. Just like the common phrases that people overuse, what do they really mean? Some people are only repeating it because they hear it all the time.
We may have commonalities in life with people we know, but that does not mean the end result will be the same. We have to remember that we are in control of our behavior and cannot control what others do or say.
How do you decipher information you read or hear? Do you take it at face value, or do you confirm it for yourself? Do you find yourself siding with the masses or following your own mind?
What is a screw face? It is a very crafty tool when used correctly. The timing has to be right, and you have to know when to turn it off. Let me describe it first. It is when you tighten your face muscles and create a face that tells people to back off. It is a face that lets people know that you mean business and you are not playing games. Distortion of your face to look mean. Think Sticky Fingaz, Busta Rhymes, Ice Cube, Fredo Starr, etc…
A time to put on your mean/angry face is when you are out and about. Riding the subway or out walking on the street too. It lets people know not to try you, that you see them, and they better not approach you. Also, in your car put on your screw face. This way the “would be” carjackers will think very carefully before trying to take your whip.
Sometimes you can have on your screw face and not be aware of it. You are just so used to tightening your face it is second nature. Just say the phrase, “relax your face muscles”. You can also practice this in the mirror so that you can see the difference. We send messages without speaking a word and this includes our facial expression.
Useful times for a frown
Some people use a screw face to ward off other people at work. For example, if you never get a chance to do your work because people are always coming into your office with questions and/or requests. A screw face is useful at this time. Because; if people think that you are having a bad day or you are upset about something, a screw face buys you some uninterrupted time to complete your tasks. You will have less knocks on your office door.
If you are out alone and in unfamiliar surroundings, use your screw face. If you look mean and frown your face, it might help to prevent being robbed and/or assaulted. Screwing your face will definitely make someone think twice, especially when they have ill intentions.
Un-screw your face
When you feel like no one approaches you and you can’t figure out why. This is for the ladies; just keep this in mind. When you are out during a social event and men approach your friends but not you. If you have that face that is so uninviting, people are going to pass you by. You might say to yourself, “self, my outfit is nice, my shoes are matching, my hair is laid and my face is beat”. This is the moment to stop and tell yourself to fix your face. Just think, relax your face muscles.
This technique can be used throughout the day. In your car, at work, at home. When you feel like people are not receptive to your approach, it may be that you have a mean look on your face. Again, ladies if you want to interact with a man that you are interested in, fix your face. This is not the time to have on your screw face. You don’t want to be labeled as an angry woman with things on her mind or emotional baggage.
Summation
Whether or not you use a screw face, just know that it comes with benefits. You might wonder why anyone would want to frown or distort their face. If you have ever lived in the inner city or rough parts of town, then you can relate to this, and you will fully understand the necessity of it.
Remember to be aware of whether or not you have a screw face on in social situations. It can make or break your experience. I hope you got a laugh or smile while reading about a screw face. It has some humor in it but is also true. If you have ever had a screw face, you get the meaning and you will learn how to use it.
**1/7/24 post updated: The Hannukah celebration by the Jewish community is not widely celebrated due to security reasons. The current state of affairs of the war, in no way is meant to imply that the Jewish community is the cause. My sincerest apologies to every and anyone who may have been offended. **
The time of year is here. The season of celebration, thankfulness, giving, family and reflection. We have all heard of Thanksgiving, Christmas and Kwanzaa. Among those, people also celebrate Diwali and Three Kings Day. I know there are other celebrations being had across the world. Hannukah is a celebration by the Jewish community. Unfortunately, due to the current state of war these may not be celebrated as widely, because of security reasons.
The point I am getting to, is that no matter what part of the country you live, we all have something to celebrate and be thankful for. The world is not perfect but we can all find at least one thing that is worthy of celebration.
Family
Family is a reason to be thankful. We do not always see eye-to-eye and agree on things, but family is a good reason to be thankful. Maybe, this time of year family can bury the hatchet and squash old beefs in the name of renewal for the new year. Release the weight and be free from the hold. You will feel so much better and be glad that you did.
Health
Celebrate health. If you are ambulatory and have full use of your limbs, celebrate that. You might be thinking, so what that’s nothing to celebrate. Just think if you couldn’t walk on your own. Having to depend on others to do for you. You will appreciate the use of those legs to drive a car, go to work, play with your small children. Taking a walk or even exercising.
Love
Love is a reason to celebrate. If you are coupled up, whether you are married or have a boo. Celebrate that love. Whatever that thing is that brought you together, reflect on it and celebrate in your own way.
The Season for Celebration
Every culture has their holiday rituals and traditions. If you are not in a celebratory mood, try to get out of that funk. It won’t be easy but find a reason to smile. If you haven’t been practicing your religion, go back to that. If you haven’t talked to your friends/family in a while, do that. The things that bring a smile to your face and make you feel good inside, revisit that.
Giving
Let me not forget the season for giving. It is not always about money. Give someone a smile or a compliment. If someone asks for your advice, give them true and sound advice. Hug yourself and say something nice. If you do participate in giving for the holiday season, give with a whole heart and not expect anything in return.
Can You Answer This? Name something about yourself that you are proud of.
We all have wonderful gifts and personality traits that are unique. Can you name something about yourself that you are proud of? Did you graduate at the top of your class? Maybe you won a medal in gymnastics. You are always the person people confide in because you are a good listener. Generosity may be your thing and you have a big heart.
Name the thing that you are most proud of and feel good about. Don’t be shy. It is healthy to toot your own horn and big yourself up; every so often. Give yourself some flowers because if you don’t, who will? Right?
Celebrate you, feel good about yourself.
We have different aspirations in life so no matter if you think it is a small thing, pat yourself on the back, hug yourself. You deserve it and do not diminish your accomplishments in life. If you purchased your first home; big yourself up. If you started your own business, kudos! The new book you published; well done!! Celebrate yourself. If not today, when?
Sunday; a day of rest
Come dressed in your Sunday best
The doors of the church are open
Walking through the door, appreciation of token
Monday, starts the work week
Get your body and mind in gear
Walk through the door smiling
Awaiting life lessons are near
Tuesday, one workday down
Come to yoga class or meditation
The exercise will release any trepidation
about the upcoming week ahead
Wednesday, mid-week is here
Unload your cares on me
Free your body and mind
Come and talk it out
Thursday, one day away from the weekend
Tidy up any closet clutter
Bag up those old clothes
Take them to the donation center
Friday, well what else is there to say
The weekend has arrived
Come over for cocktails
We can talk and just vibe
Saturday. Thought you would never show up
Come in, take a minute to reflect
Spiritual, work, body and mental health
Aspects of cleansing and socialization
Just remember, the door is open.
Why don't you come?
The door is open. Why don't you come was first published on Inspire By O'Nika and written in response to Sadje's prompt. https://lifeafter50forwomen.com/2023/08/14/what-do-you-see-199-august-14-2023/
Kinesics or better known as non-verbal communication. This includes facial expressions, body language, and posture. Whether we know it or not we communicate in many ways. It may just be habit and it can also be intentional. Let’s look at some ways that we communicate without saying a word. Tone of voice is another way to express our emotions.
Folded arms can be interpreted as being close minded, or anti-social, disinterested or aloof. When we see people with their arms folded, we view them as unhappy or defensive. In reality, that person may just be cold and are folding their arms trying to stay warm. Are you buying it? Well, it could be true. Since we are not mind readers, we will never know.
Smiling
A smile tells a lot. If you see someone with a smile on their face it would indicate that the person is happy. They do not have to say a word. It is all over their face. You can even also read a smile in a telephone conversation. Smiling is seen as a positive gesture and would indicate that someone is approachable, happy, open and nice.
Did you know? Smiling relieves stress and elevates mood.
Eyes looking downward
In conversation, a person who avoids eye contact and looks down may be deceitful. They are hiding something. If their eyes shift downward when asked about something or talking about something uncomfortable, watch the eyes. Downward eyes can also indicate someone who is embarrassed or ashamed.
Standing up straight
Good posture, such as sitting or standing up straight shows confidence. You are occupying space in a positive way. Slouching, on the contrary may show boredom or disinterest. It can also indicate that one who is slouching is tired.
Hand on the hip
Gesturing with hands on the hip can be seen as a challenge. The person showing this sign may be upset or defiant. This is usually not a positive non-verbal gesture. However, depending on the context, using both hands on the hip may be showing power or assertion.
Leaning in and/or tilting head to one side
This gesture can show that you are interested in what others are saying. Leaning in should not be to the extent of invading the other person’s space. Just enough to show that you are paying attention. In addition, tilting the head to one side shows that you are concentrating and are genuinely interested in what the person is saying.
Frowning
One of the most used and most obvious, is frowning. When you see someone frowning, you can imagine that the person is not happy. They are showing their displeasure by frowning. To the ladies out there who walk around frowning, be aware that this makes you unapproachable. No one wants to speak to you or approach you with a scrunched up or frowning face. Just be conscious of this and correct it when you feel yourself doing this. You would be surprised what a difference it makes in your interactions, mood and experiences with others.
Kinesics: Tells of Your Emotions
As you can see, we communicate both verbally and non-verbally. It is important to be aware of this, so not to unintentionally present with the wrong idea. Of course, we cannot control how others perceive us. We can control how we present ourselves in the most flattering light. A simple facial expression can change the trajectory of an otherwise, healthy and positive interaction.
Tone of voice is also important. If we speak to people in a disrespectful way or with arrogance, people will perceive us in that way. If you speak in an even tone and unassuming manner, we will be perceived as open and easy to talk to. How do you communicate?
A canopy of protection is a place that most are familiar with and frequent very often. If you don’t recognize it, then you may want to make some adjustments. The canopy of protection is not a place that you invite everyone. It takes special and select people to be allowed to enter. This is a place that you create and set the tone. If anyone dares to defile it, then they must be escorted out. Do not allow anyone to darken, your canopy of protection or cause it to collapse. It is one of the few places where you can truly be you and not have to make any apologies. Be your true self and make it as loud or as peaceful as you want.
Where is your canopy?
Your canopy of protection is anywhere you want it to be. It can be physical or mental. What do I mean? A physical canopy of protection can be a place like your home, the park, a restaurant. The place you sleep at night. Also, it can be a she-shed/man cave. Make it a special place that you go when you want some peace and quiet. A place to be alone with your thoughts.
A mental canopy of protection is when you go to a place; metaphorically, in your mind when things are in chaos. It is when you think of certain things or places in your mind and you stay there for as long as you need or want to. It’s your place of protection from outside forces and elements. To counteract stress, picture or think about more pleasant things, and you are left feeling unbothered.
Who is Allowed?
The answer to this is truly a personal choice. You can let people who are close to you under your canopy. You may only let your family and/or pets in. Some people may be allowed to enter for a short time. Some may be allowed permanent access. Maybe no one is allowed. We all process the elements of life differently and may want the solitude. So, in this case the canopy of protection is a place to be solo. No exceptions.
Why is it needed?
The canopy of protection is necessary for many reasons. The whys will vary from person to person. It is a tool to use when you may feel overwhelmed, sad, stressed, depressed or just in a funk. The canopy of protection is there too because of the times we are faced with a difficult decision.
When do you go there?
During those times of uncertainty, ambiguity, confusion and chaos. Those are the essential times when you go to your canopy of protection. Doing so will usually provide some clarity and/or answers to those daunting questions. You will find that taking a step back and going to your canopy will bring you out in a much healthier and happier state of mind.
Even when you do not come out with a solution, you will be much more peaceful for it. You can come back to a situation with a clear mind and a new, more positive outlook.
June is national gun violence awareness month. Let’s take time to be cognizant about the violence carried out by gun usage. Also, this is a time to remember the survivors of gun violence. During the warmer months there is usually an uptick in violent crimes by gun. I am reposting this reminder of my original post published in April 2022.
Gun violence continues to be a problem in this country. It is senseless killing and the loss of innocent lives that really makes the problem such a sore subject. Everyone has the right to bear arms and protect themselves and their families. The use of guns for robbing, stealing and inflicting harm on others is the ugly side of it all. It is sad when children are the victims of stray bullets, or anyone for that matter. How do you protect your children when they are home in their bed and struck by random bullets? Even if the child pulls through it changes the course of their lives forever.
Gun violence begs the question, how do you protect yourself and your children from being shot? It is not something you want to think about on a daily basis as you try to go about your life, but it is very real. Especially, when you are at home and a stray bullet comes through the walls or windows. You go to your car in the morning and its shot up with bullet holes. All you have to do is walk down the street and catch one just for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
In my line of work, I regularly see the faces of these young children and teens who sustain gun shot wounds. It makes no sense that their lives are FOREVER changed due to gun violence. Some of them are now confined to a wheelchair, some are on crutches for a while, some are still able to walk. Depending on what organs were damaged will determine how much of their lives they get to enjoy from now on. Some unfortunately did not survive the violence by a gun. I just think to myself that this can be my child. Bullets have no names.
Guns In School
You ever wonder why kids are packing guns with their lunch these days? I know that some kids don’t have lunch; but they have a gun in their bookbag. It makes you wonder; if a child is bringing a firearm to school, is it because they are being bullied. Also, I wonder where they got the gun from. Maybe they are just showing off to their friends in an effort to fit in. Is the student involved in a gang? Whatever the reason, it makes me wonder what is wrong with this world. Why would a child feel the need to bring a weapon to school? Whatever the reason is, it has to stop.
So, should the answer be to install metal detectors at school? Maybe make the kids carry clear bookbags so that the contents are visible while at school? We all know that there are too many politics involved to actually make this a reality. And even if it did happen, would it make a difference? Is it enough?
Senseless Acts of Violence
Being shot over a gas pump at the gas station is not enough reason to justify a life being lost. Accidentally, stepping on someone’s sneaker is not a reason to be shot. Sitting on your porch or being in front of your building, minding your own business is not a reason to be shot. Brushing up against someone in a crowded room, is not a reason to kill someone.
Believe it or not, it happens more often than you think. There is no regard for life these days. Over the past two years, we have already lost and continue to lose people every day due to Covid-19 and then we add the number of people being killed by guns. Sometimes you don’t want to go out and enjoy life because something might pop off out of nowhere, and over something so small. It is not a good idea to live life afraid to go certain places, but it is a reality for some people.
Drive by Shootings
When drive by shootings happen a lot of times people who have nothing to do with the beef get hurt. An unfortunate fact but something we live with in this world. Consider yourself lucky if you haven’t been a victim of gun violence. The people who commit these crimes have no regard for who else will be affected by whatever drama they have going on. Usually, it is over something trifling, like whose block they on and all the other nonsense.
Road Rage
Everyone is in such a rush these days. Some are just plain rude and like to cut people off on the road because they think they can. It makes no sense to shoot someone because you think they stole your parking space. Maybe they were driving too slow and they wanted you out of the way. People, slow down!! Where ever you are going will still be there when you arrive. The goal is to arrive in one piece.
You may have looked at someone too long or in the wrong way and that person took offense. The next thing you know, you are minding your business at work and you get shot for something that was misinterpreted by the person who shot you. It has happened, this is not made up. People are so much in their feelings about small things and therefore just looking for a reason to jump. Why?! Get over yourself and just drive your car man! If I’m driving too slow, go around me. If I mistakenly cut over into your lane, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.
Conclusion
In my opinion, you shouldn’t have to worry about your child coming home from school. Wondering if they are going to make it through the day at school. They are there to learn but it seems that they have their safety to worry about too. What happened to worrying about if you are going to do well on a test? If you made it on the sports team or into a club at school? Now, you have to watch your back and hope nobody tests you in ways other than academically.
Do we need to equip everyone with bullet proof vests? Are all the stores going to install plexiglass? Maybe businesses will install metal detectors for all patrons coming into their establishment. Better or newer gun laws might help. Harder punishment for perpetrators of gun violence? More education about the proper use of guns might help to prevent accidental discharges. I’m not sure what the answer is but something has to change.
Gun Violence- We Can Do Without It was originally posted on Inspire By O’Nika, April 19, 2022.
Can you answer this? To tip or not to tip; that is the question. People who work in the restaurant/customer service industry have a hard job. They are dealing with the public and trying to do a good job by delivering great service. Do you feel that they should be rewarded for a job well done or should they not receive a tip at all? How do you weigh in on this?
Is the tip amount dependent on how well their service was during your visit? Do you feel like this their job and as long as you paid your tab there is no need to tip? What about the servers who are just plain rude and have no interest in serving you with kindness?
