Strength of a Black Woman. The Curse and the Gift.
At a very young age Black girls are taught to be strong. They are also surrounded by examples of this strength. Growing up and watching your sisters, aunties, mother, cousins, etc. holding it down, you get a sense of what it means to be strong. The strength of a Black woman is both a curse and a gift.
At times, this can be crippling when you are struggling with something and need to lean on someone for help. In those moments when we are vulnerable, we were taught not to show it. Just do what you have to do and not let anyone on the outside see that vulnerability.
I want to be clear that when I am talking about the strength of a Black woman it is not to exclude anyone. Simply, that I am speaking from my point of view and experience. I stand in solidarity with all women. My point of view is being told with the utmost respect. However, I cannot speak to the challenges and/or triumphs that other women face. Women of all races experience struggle and face discrimination for different reasons. I am speaking from my reality.
Strength of a Black Woman. The Gift
Whether or not you witness strong Black women, life makes you strong. The circumstances in life force you to get it together. No time for crying, no time for thinking about it. Just time to do it! The gift of being a strong Black woman comes at a price though. The gift of strength is what makes you smile when you have conquered those hard knock life moments.
Being blessed enough to be able to bear children is a gift. One that some women take for granted. The birth of a child requires bodily strength. Of course, there are amazing drugs to take off the edge. Also, it requires a certain mental strength. Now you are responsible for another human. You have to nurture and care for the individual that you have carried for all these months. Breastfeeding, waking up at night, school activities, monetary responsibilities, keeping the child safe.
The strength takes over when you only had 2 hours of sleep and its now time to get up for work. Feeding times when your nipple is sore from feeding. Getting up to warm a bottle of formula and preparing, just when your head hit the pillow. Consoling your child when they had a bad day at school. Providing groceries and wondering how to stretch the dollar when rent is due. Strength is also that thing we have on our side when the father of your child is absent, for whatever reason. In those instances, we are the sole provider and have to hold things together. Single motherhood is a thing and that’s when strength plays a big part.
Inner strength is what gets you out of the bed in the morning. Strength makes you power through when you are not feeling well. It is what makes you show up to a minimum wage job. Inner strength keeps you going when you feel like giving up. Being strong is what allows you to deal with less-than-ideal situations. It is what lets you tackle life head on, with no hesitation. Strength is what makes you say, “no” to things that do not serve you.
Strength of a Black Woman. The Curse
Being strong is good but at times, it can be bad. It is the same strength that tricks your mind into thinking that you have to do it alone. You are not allowed to seek assistance. When you show up as a strong woman, sometimes people think you can do it all. They judge you and do not think that you need help.
Health concerns get ignored, even when they are legitimate concerns. Healthcare has not been kind to Black women. We know our bodies and know when something is wrong. At times when we take those concerns to a professional, we are made to feel like the problem is non-existent or is not a concern at all. The “brush-off” is what I call it.
In situations where we do reach out for assistance, we hesitate for fear of being judged. Other times, people see that strength and use it to their advantage. Meaning, they figure we can deal with or handle a situation, therefore do not step in to help when it is warranted. There is this unspoken expectation for us to do certain things, no matter what.
What does it all mean?
- Use the gift of strength in a way that inspires people, and they see themselves when they see you.
- Being strong means its ok to show your feminine, softer side. Without apologies.
- Strength allows us to love others and show compassion.
- Strength does not mean to behave like a man or speak like one.
- Strength is what you have inside that no one can see or touch. It just shines through you.
- Strong Black women need love, support, protection and understanding too.
- Strength is not a show of arrogance but one of conviction.
- Know that you do not have to show your feminine physical parts to be noticed or seen.
- A strong Black woman knows that it is ok to be vulnerable without feelings of shame/abashment.
So, you see, the strength of a Black woman is a gift and a curse. It comes with a lot of responsibility. Also, it comes with boundless rewards. Cultivate that strength and power and it will be more of a gift than a curse.