Growing up was such a fun time. Every family had their challenges but overall, it was a good time to just be a kid. Go outside, play with friends on your block or in your neighborhood. Today’s children are so isolated. The video games and internet have robbed children of social skills.
Back in the day, we played outside. The girls would play double dutch, or we would play with our dolls and tea sets. We would play dress up too. The boys would play football in the street or hand ball, stick ball. Games everyone played together are hide and seek, red light, green light, hopscotch, hot peas and butter, Mother May I.
My favorite childhood games were double dutch and hopscotch. I liked Jacks too. What was your favorite game to play when you were a child?
As always, thank you for taking the time to read. Stay well and be blessed.
Back to basics, why representation is important takes a look at how we represent ourselves. I do not mean in a court of law but in general day to day life. We say so much without speaking a word. Just by how we present at the first outward appearance. Like it or not, we are judged before we utter a single word. However, I do not agree that we should be judged in this way, it does happen.
It brings to mind the saying, “do not judge a book by its cover”. I agree that one should not be judged by how we appear. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. People form an opinion of us within the first few minutes of meeting us even before we say our name. Which is why I think bringing it back to basics is important.
Take the Time
Take the time to iron or steam clothing before leaving the house. It doesn’t require a lot of time to do this. It is one of those small details that sometimes gets overlooked and seen as unimportant. Presenting yourself in ironed or steamed clothing sends the message that you do care and you took pride in how you represent yourself.
If you show up to an important meeting or appointment and are in wrinkled clothing, do you think you will be received well? Take the time. The person(s) you are meeting may perceive you as being lazy, unprepared, or incompetent.
Leave the Bonnet Behind
Leave the bonnet behind when going outdoors. The bonnet, head scarf, head wrap, whatever you like to call it is meant to protect and preserve your hair while sleeping. Wearing this outdoors is not a good look. Just imagine you slept in the bonnet then go out shopping. When you get back home, you will sleep in that same bonnet and bring all those pollutants back into your house and into your bed.
It also sends the message that you weren’t too bothered or concerned with combing your hair or putting it in a ponytail. We want to be taken seriously and showing up anywhere but the hair salon or hospital with that bonnet on is not the way. Medical and religious reasons are excluded for the purpose of this post. Back to basics, take the time. Even if that bonnet matches your outfit, leave it at the house. This is not a fashion accessory.
Sleepwear; Oh Dear!
Sleepwear like pajama pants is made for sleeping. So many people are outside wearing pajamas at restaurants, shopping, appointments, etc. You slept in those and went to an establishment and are going back into your home and will sleep in those same PJs. It only takes a few minutes to put on apparel meant for the outdoors. Yes, they are comfortable but when you are seen outdoors in PJs it sends the message that you just woke up and went out without the proper basics.
Although, we do not sleep in our bed slippers I have to add this to the list. Slippers like the fuzzy pink or black ones with the toes out are meant for the house. I know you just got your toes done and you want to show them off. Throw on some sandals or flip flops. Also, the cute fluffy animal slippers. Those slippers ae cute in the house not outdoors picking up all kinds of dirt and germs that you track back into the house.
The Basics
The basics are simple and short steps we can take before presenting ourselves to the world. We are human and no one is perfect. We can bring it back to basics with these small details. There are times we will skip certain things for various reasons. We might not feel well, or wake up late for work, etc. We must give ourselves grace.
Father’s Day Series, Part 1. What Qualities Make Up a Good Father?
Father’s Day this year, in 2024 is on June 16th. You still have time. Do not forget about this celebration. Fathers are very important and are a much-needed part of society and family. Sometimes, they do not get the recognition and are not celebrated like they should be. There is time to change that.
Also, the month of June is Men’s Health Awareness Month. Urge the men in your life to get a checkup. Even if they feel fine. Some medical conditions do not show up by symptoms and they may feel ok. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Part 1 of the Father’s Day Series is about what qualities make up a good father. A loving man who demonstrates the love of their child, a good listener, the man who shows interest in their child’s goals in life. Discipline and structure are also important.
Is it the one who is there emotionally and physically? The one who listens and talks to their children. The man that attends extracurricular activities. The one who actually spends time with their children.
Or is it the one who provides financially. He is the one who can buy clothes and food. Provide a home. But he is not around. He doesn’t invest time and/or effort. The father who writes the check but is absent otherwise.
What do you think is more important?
Of course, the child’s basic needs should be met. Is it too much to ask that the father provide and be there emotionally?
Fortunately, there are men out there that do just that. It doesn’t matter if the child lives in the same household or not. The man makes an effort to see his children and provides financially too.
June 16th let’s not forget Father’s Day. The day is coming up, there is still time. Show the dads out there that they matter and are loved and appreciated.
The words thank you come with so much gratitude and humility. Two words that are often overlooked and underused. I have found 10 reasons to say thank you.
10 reasons to say, thank you are:
Opening your eyes in the morning- you are able to live and see a new day
When someone holds the door open for you- it shows that there are still courteous people out there
Receiving a compliment- the kind words may have been just what you needed that day
Reaching into the refrigerator and finding something for nourishment- a simple pleasure of life often taken for granted
When you really need someone to talk to and they answer the phone- you can now discuss what is on your mind and gain some valuable insight
When you have a reason to smile- life is short, relish those moments
Having a friendly person who is willing to lend a listening ear-you can now vent and get something off your chest instead of internalizing it
When you have someone to share your life with- companionship is very valuable and should not be taken lightly
Finding comfort in those closest to you- it is nice to have someone who can comfort you just by simply being in their presence
When you can find laughter even during those difficult times- these are the times when laughter is the best medicine
I don’t know about you, but I can keep going with the list. How many more reasons can you come up with? Personalize the list and add to it or take some things away. Use it on a daily basis. Choose the ones that are most important to you.
The overwhelming amount of information is ever increasing. We see the latest, trending news and side with the masses. Or are you one to follow your own mind? Do you see a topic and automatically adopt the views of the masses?
It can be easy to go along with what everyone is saying or believing. At the end of the day, you have to hold your own truth. We get incoming traffic from TV, the internet, radio, people, videos, books and other forms. By “incoming traffic” I mean information.
The Source
Always consider the source. So often I witness people going along, or siding with the masses. Why? Follow your own mind. Rely on what you believe and know. It leads me to wonder if some people do it as a means of fitting in. Being with the “in crowd”. It’s that same “in crowd” that will get you into trouble.
The information we receive is not always aligned with our personal opinion. That is okay, nothing wrong with that. Just consider if you are receiving information from a source who likes to stir things up. Is the source coming from an objective point of view. Is the information being put out there to inform people or create hysteria? Consider the source.
Conversation
If a group of people all agree on a subject, does it make it true? Or is the conversation more interesting when there are differing views?
Having a differing opinion on something does not make you an outcast. It just means that you believe in what you believe in and are not jumping on the bandwagon, with everyone else. Basic conversation may be a reason that people agree on subjects and follow along with the consensus. In some instances, it is okay to join the crowd if it is for conversation’s sake. Do your homework and research things for yourself. Oftentimes, there are bits of missing information.
A group may agree on a subject that you see all over the news, etc. It does not mean that someone else’s truth, is your own. Just because a friend, relative or group of people have a point of view, does not mean that it has to be yours as well. I’m not saying that you should not listen, and value the opinion of others. Yes, of course listen to the views of others but do not take it as your own reality. Especially, if it doesn’t fit. The same way another person feels a certain way, you have your own views and/or opinions. It does not mean that they are right, and you are wrong.
The information age has so much out there in the universe, and it comes at us every day. We can decide to block it out by turning off the news, not getting on the internet or listening to the radio. It then leads some people to feel like they are not informed if they do not have some type of incoming information. You decide how much of it you want to filter.
Staying up to date with all the media is exhausting at times. You hear so much information, then you have to figure out how much of it is true. Words sometimes have a way of swaying people into believing certain things.
A Closer Look
Research, research, research Taking on the truth of others or believing that your fate will be the same as people you know, is not the case. Approach personal situations based on your own circumstances, not those of others. Just like the common phrases that people overuse, what do they really mean? Some people are only repeating it because they hear it all the time.
We may have commonalities in life with people we know, but that does not mean the end result will be the same. We have to remember that we are in control of our behavior and cannot control what others do or say.
How do you decipher information you read or hear? Do you take it at face value, or do you confirm it for yourself? Do you find yourself siding with the masses or following your own mind?
Strength of a Black Woman. The Curse and the Gift.
At a very young age Black girls are taught to be strong. They are also surrounded by examples of this strength. Growing up and watching your sisters, aunties, mother, cousins, etc. holding it down, you get a sense of what it means to be strong. The strength of a Black woman is both a curse and a gift.
At times, this can be crippling when you are struggling with something and need to lean on someone for help. In those moments when we are vulnerable, we were taught not to show it. Just do what you have to do and not let anyone on the outside see that vulnerability.
I want to be clear that when I am talking about the strength of a Black woman it is not to exclude anyone. Simply, that I am speaking from my point of view and experience. I stand in solidarity with all women. My point of view is being told with the utmost respect. However, I cannot speak to the challenges and/or triumphs that other women face. Women of all races experience struggle and face discrimination for different reasons. I am speaking from my reality.
Strength of a Black Woman. The Gift
Whether or not you witness strong Black women, life makes you strong. The circumstances in life force you to get it together. No time for crying, no time for thinking about it. Just time to do it! The gift of being a strong Black woman comes at a price though. The gift of strength is what makes you smile when you have conquered those hard knock life moments.
Being blessed enough to be able to bear children is a gift. One that some women take for granted. The birth of a child requires bodily strength. Of course, there are amazing drugs to take off the edge. Also, it requires a certain mental strength. Now you are responsible for another human. You have to nurture and care for the individual that you have carried for all these months. Breastfeeding, waking up at night, school activities, monetary responsibilities, keeping the child safe.
The strength takes over when you only had 2 hours of sleep and its now time to get up for work. Feeding times when your nipple is sore from feeding. Getting up to warm a bottle of formula and preparing, just when your head hit the pillow. Consoling your child when they had a bad day at school. Providing groceries and wondering how to stretch the dollar when rent is due. Strength is also that thing we have on our side when the father of your child is absent, for whatever reason. In those instances, we are the sole provider and have to hold things together. Single motherhood is a thing and that’s when strength plays a big part.
Inner strength is what gets you out of the bed in the morning. Strength makes you power through when you are not feeling well. It is what makes you show up to a minimum wage job. Inner strength keeps you going when you feel like giving up. Being strong is what allows you to deal with less-than-ideal situations. It is what lets you tackle life head on, with no hesitation. Strength is what makes you say, “no” to things that do not serve you.
Strength of a Black Woman. The Curse
Being strong is good but at times, it can be bad. It is the same strength that tricks your mind into thinking that you have to do it alone. You are not allowed to seek assistance. When you show up as a strong woman, sometimes people think you can do it all. They judge you and do not think that you need help.
Health concerns get ignored, even when they are legitimate concerns. Healthcare has not been kind to Black women. We know our bodies and know when something is wrong. At times when we take those concerns to a professional, we are made to feel like the problem is non-existent or is not a concern at all. The “brush-off” is what I call it.
In situations where we do reach out for assistance, we hesitate for fear of being judged. Other times, people see that strength and use it to their advantage. Meaning, they figure we can deal with or handle a situation, therefore do not step in to help when it is warranted. There is this unspoken expectation for us to do certain things, no matter what.
What does it all mean?
Photo by Kindel Media on Pexels
Use the gift of strength in a way that inspires people, and they see themselves when they see you.
Being strong means its ok to show your feminine, softer side. Without apologies.
Strength allows us to love others and show compassion.
Strength does not mean to behave like a man or speak like one.
Strength is what you have inside that no one can see or touch. It just shines through you.
Strong Black women need love, support, protection and understanding too.
Strength is not a show of arrogance but one of conviction.
Know that you do not have to show your feminine physical parts to be noticed or seen.
A strong Black woman knows that it is ok to be vulnerable without feelings of shame/abashment.
So, you see, the strength of a Black woman is a gift and a curse. It comes with a lot of responsibility. Also, it comes with boundless rewards. Cultivate that strength and power and it will be more of a gift than a curse.
September 15th is World Afro Day. Embrace those curls and natural hair. Let your coils, twists, braids, locks and afro shine. Wear your style proudly. Natural hair has a story and it is not just about the aesthetics. Although, it doesn’t hurt. It’s about much more. Think culture and history.
Black people and some people of mixed-race who wear their natural hair have faced discrimination because of their hair texture. Michelle De Leon started World Afro Day back in 2017. It is a cause to raise awareness and to educate about afro-centric hair. Society has instilled shame on people who have kinky or tight curly hair. It has long been a thing that if you had “textured” hair that you should implement some kind of straightening. Methods such as using a hot comb to straighten hair, or applying chemicals like Vigorol liquid, and relaxers are used.
These methods are harmful because there is risk of burning the scalp and skin. Not to mention, the long-term effects of the chemicals in these straightening products. Some people felt like they had to conform to societal pressures in order to get hired for a job. Also, to feel accepted.
Women from some Hispanic cultures, like the Dominican Republic also are stigmatized for having curly hair. They have faced pressures to have bone straight hair; hence the blow out styles. These blow outs use excessive heat which can have lasting damage to hair.
On World Afro Day, show your pride for afro hair. Post pictures on social media or share your hair experiences with others. The more people who understand about the afro hair culture the more will accept and embrace it. Rock those afro puffs, cornrows, box braids, afro or whatever style you wish! Because you can!
Sadfishing is when people post themselves on social media crying or in an emotional state. It can be used as a way to garner sympathy or attention. Some people do this in an attempt to get attention for a problem that may not exist at all or may not be as bad as they are making it out to be. Yes, this is a thing. Validation is a motivation for some individuals that do this.
On the other hand, there are people who are genuinely in a bind and are in need of help. After sharing a situation or problem, the individual may feel better. This is a form of release. They feel better because they have made people aware of what they are experiencing.
Crying Wolf
It can be hard to discern from someone who just wants attention and those who really do have a concern/problem. Some people put the issue out there because they are genuinely trying to find a solution. Maybe, they have tried several ways to remedy a problem to no avail. It never hurts to ask and maybe someone out there will have the perfect solution.
Is it right or wrong for people to air their problems on social media? For the ones who are genuinely going through something in life, they can open themselves up to predators. Predators who will try to take advantage of you during a vulnerable state. It may also result in cyberbullying. People may make comments ridiculing you for what you have put out there. Let’s face it, social media is not the most forgiving of places for sensitive situations.
Sadfishing is a thing. You may call it a cry for attention but in some instances, it is a genuine cry for help. Though, it is unfortunate when people use this tactic and are in no distress. It’s just a way to play on the emotions of others to see if someone really cares. The instant gratification of posting on social media, makes it very tempting to employ the tactic of sadfishing. For the most part, everyone has a cell phone and/or computer these days and instantly see posts of their followers/friends. Sadfishing; genuine cry for help or crying wolf? What are your thoughts?
Music has the power to take you places, you didn’t think it could. It evokes emotions like happiness, sadness, love and confusion. Another thing music does is to inform. If you listen to socially conscious songs you will definitely get an education.
Music genres like jazz, Reggae, neo-soul, R &B, Rap/Hip Hop, House, gospel, funk and Disco all reflect a time that most can relate to. I will focus this post on Reggae and Disco.
Did you know that International Reggae Day is celebrated every year in Kingston, Jamaica on July 1? Reggae is a combination of R&B, African, calypso and Latin music. While this style of music started in Jamaica it is popular in the United States, Africa and Great Brittain.
On this day you might want to cook some Carribean food and try a new recipe. Watch a movie or documentary inspired by and about Jamaica and its culture. Play your favorite Reggae music.
Who are some of your favorite Reggae artists? What does Reggae music represent to you?
July 2
National Disco Day
Music makes you smile, cry, dance, sing, and nod. You know those days when you need a little pep in your step, just play something up-tempo, like Disco.
National Disco Day is July 2. Disco was popular during a time of crime, political unrest, gang violence and a time of rising homophobia.
Disco was a time of bell bottom pants, platform shoes, afros, the club scene with strobe lights and disco balls. It was an era with a lot of partying happening. This partying provided a way to take your mind off of some of the social plights going on at the time.
June is national gun violence awareness month. Let’s take time to be cognizant about the violence carried out by gun usage. Also, this is a time to remember the survivors of gun violence. During the warmer months there is usually an uptick in violent crimes by gun. I am reposting this reminder of my original post published in April 2022.
Gun violence continues to be a problem in this country. It is senseless killing and the loss of innocent lives that really makes the problem such a sore subject. Everyone has the right to bear arms and protect themselves and their families. The use of guns for robbing, stealing and inflicting harm on others is the ugly side of it all. It is sad when children are the victims of stray bullets, or anyone for that matter. How do you protect your children when they are home in their bed and struck by random bullets? Even if the child pulls through it changes the course of their lives forever.
Gun violence begs the question, how do you protect yourself and your children from being shot? It is not something you want to think about on a daily basis as you try to go about your life, but it is very real. Especially, when you are at home and a stray bullet comes through the walls or windows. You go to your car in the morning and its shot up with bullet holes. All you have to do is walk down the street and catch one just for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
In my line of work, I regularly see the faces of these young children and teens who sustain gun shot wounds. It makes no sense that their lives are FOREVER changed due to gun violence. Some of them are now confined to a wheelchair, some are on crutches for a while, some are still able to walk. Depending on what organs were damaged will determine how much of their lives they get to enjoy from now on. Some unfortunately did not survive the violence by a gun. I just think to myself that this can be my child. Bullets have no names.
Guns In School
You ever wonder why kids are packing guns with their lunch these days? I know that some kids don’t have lunch; but they have a gun in their bookbag. It makes you wonder; if a child is bringing a firearm to school, is it because they are being bullied. Also, I wonder where they got the gun from. Maybe they are just showing off to their friends in an effort to fit in. Is the student involved in a gang? Whatever the reason, it makes me wonder what is wrong with this world. Why would a child feel the need to bring a weapon to school? Whatever the reason is, it has to stop.
So, should the answer be to install metal detectors at school? Maybe make the kids carry clear bookbags so that the contents are visible while at school? We all know that there are too many politics involved to actually make this a reality. And even if it did happen, would it make a difference? Is it enough?
Senseless Acts of Violence
Being shot over a gas pump at the gas station is not enough reason to justify a life being lost. Accidentally, stepping on someone’s sneaker is not a reason to be shot. Sitting on your porch or being in front of your building, minding your own business is not a reason to be shot. Brushing up against someone in a crowded room, is not a reason to kill someone.
Believe it or not, it happens more often than you think. There is no regard for life these days. Over the past two years, we have already lost and continue to lose people every day due to Covid-19 and then we add the number of people being killed by guns. Sometimes you don’t want to go out and enjoy life because something might pop off out of nowhere, and over something so small. It is not a good idea to live life afraid to go certain places, but it is a reality for some people.
Drive by Shootings
When drive by shootings happen a lot of times people who have nothing to do with the beef get hurt. An unfortunate fact but something we live with in this world. Consider yourself lucky if you haven’t been a victim of gun violence. The people who commit these crimes have no regard for who else will be affected by whatever drama they have going on. Usually, it is over something trifling, like whose block they on and all the other nonsense.
Road Rage
Everyone is in such a rush these days. Some are just plain rude and like to cut people off on the road because they think they can. It makes no sense to shoot someone because you think they stole your parking space. Maybe they were driving too slow and they wanted you out of the way. People, slow down!! Where ever you are going will still be there when you arrive. The goal is to arrive in one piece.
You may have looked at someone too long or in the wrong way and that person took offense. The next thing you know, you are minding your business at work and you get shot for something that was misinterpreted by the person who shot you. It has happened, this is not made up. People are so much in their feelings about small things and therefore just looking for a reason to jump. Why?! Get over yourself and just drive your car man! If I’m driving too slow, go around me. If I mistakenly cut over into your lane, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.
Conclusion
In my opinion, you shouldn’t have to worry about your child coming home from school. Wondering if they are going to make it through the day at school. They are there to learn but it seems that they have their safety to worry about too. What happened to worrying about if you are going to do well on a test? If you made it on the sports team or into a club at school? Now, you have to watch your back and hope nobody tests you in ways other than academically.
Do we need to equip everyone with bullet proof vests? Are all the stores going to install plexiglass? Maybe businesses will install metal detectors for all patrons coming into their establishment. Better or newer gun laws might help. Harder punishment for perpetrators of gun violence? More education about the proper use of guns might help to prevent accidental discharges. I’m not sure what the answer is but something has to change.
Gun Violence- We Can Do Without It was originally posted on Inspire By O’Nika, April 19, 2022.
What’s on the exterior is not a reflection of the whole person. This message is to young girls and anyone who feels like they do not measure up. Society has women in this cookie-cutter image. Just know that we are versatile. Inner beauty, self-love and confidence is what we are made of. Do not let other people define who you are.
The world we live in today is very shallow and based on outer looks. People sometimes only look at the exterior with no further thought about the entire person. There is nothing wrong with being beautiful. After you get past the beauty what is inside? Do you want to be judged only by how you look? In some industries, beauty is paramount in your success in that particular field. But make sure you are being true to yourself.
Self-love is very important. If people gravitate to you because you look a certain way, but you feel like you are less than. Ask yourself, “what is wrong with this picture?”. Just remember that no one is perfect. At the end of the day, we are all human. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you do not “fit the mold” of what society says you should look like. Love the skin you are in.
If you have big thighs, so what. Embrace it and make it your strength. If your lips are fuller than the masses. Guess what; God made you that way for a reason. Love those lips, they are uniquely yours. It does not matter what your nose looks like or your feet. Have compassion and love for yourself. Accept yourself how you are. If anyone does not recognize the beauty you are inside, love yourself anyway!
“You can‘trelyon how youlookto sustain you, what sustains us, what is fundamentally beautiful is compassion; for yourself and for those around you.”
Black people come in a myriad of different skin tones. Due to this, some are discriminated against because they are either too light or too dark to be Black. This discrimination happens within our own community, as well as, by people outside of the Black race. That’s the sad part about it.
Light Skin
Light Skinned Complexion Photo by Nicole Berro on Pexels
If you are Black and are of a lighter complexion, people think that you are conceited. Some people say that you think you are, “all-that” and that you think you are better than other Black people who have a darker skin tone. While some light skinned people do act that way and fit the description, it is not because of the color of their skin. I attribute those characteristics to the individual person and not their complexion. Just note, that there are darker skinned Black people who possess the same traits. They think they are better than other Black people and there are some who are conceited too.
A perception exists that lighter skinned people are smarter, have more privileges and are more successful than darker skinned people. Being of a lighter complexion leads some people to say that you are not, “black enough”. Just based on your skin tone. Also, there is this kind of acceptance that some people seek just to prove their, “blackness”. This backward thinking is a part of what’s wrong with the world today. It goes back so many years and you would think in the year 2022, we would have progressed.
A person’s success in life depends on the efforts of that individual and not some unfounded belief that it is because they are light skinned. The world is so focused on outward appearance. Nowadays, people don’t take the time to see what others are truly made of and who they are beyond their skin tone.
We can’t help how we were made, and we were made the way we are for a reason. It is no excuse to call people names and insult them because they are not the same complexion as you. Light skinned people have been called derogatory names like red bone, high yellow, light skin, and pale face, just to name a few.
Being a Black person and having a dark skin tone comes with some negative preconceptions too. People think that if you are dark skinned that you are unintelligent, unsuccessful and not attractive. Again, this is so superficial and another stereotype that needs to be broken. Some people with a dark skinned complexion feel the need to compete with light skinned people. Meaning, that some women go to the extreme of bleaching their skin. I attribute this to the pressures of society to fit some unrealistic mold.
Darker skinned people are just as smart, beautiful, and successful as people of lighter skin tones. It can be hard for some to truly believe this when everyday someone tries to make them feel otherwise. We have to erase the color lines and lift each other up. It is so unfair to judge someone by their complexion before getting to know them. People of darker skin tones get labeled as, “too ethnic” and are passed up for certain career opportunities.
Some negative names that dark-skinned women have been called are jigaboo, darkie, black and burnt. Imagine what this does to a person’s psyche. There are many more derogatory names that people of both light and dark skin tones are called but this is just the abbreviated version. I truly believe that you should not navigate your life based on what other’s think of you. Pave your own way and don’t worry about people’s opinion.
Takeaway
Your complexion should not influence how far you go in life. My advice is to believe in yourself and go for what you want in life. It’s okay if you get passed up for an opportunity. That means it wasn’t for you and there is something else out there. Keep going! Do not be discouraged! It’s hard enough out here being judged by the masses. Why are we being judged by our own too? Let’s embrace each other and help each other out.
