✴︎ Life is a Gift
—
“Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment that you are in.
Author Unknown
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Back to Basics, Why Representation is Important
Back to basics, why representation is important takes a look at how we represent ourselves. I do not mean in a court of law but in general day to day life. We say so much without speaking a word. Just by how we present at the first outward appearance. Like it or not, we are judged before we utter a single word. However, I do not agree that we should be judged in this way, it does happen.
It brings to mind the saying, “do not judge a book by its cover”. I agree that one should not be judged by how we appear. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. People form an opinion of us within the first few minutes of meeting us even before we say our name. Which is why I think bringing it back to basics is important.
Take the Time
Take the time to iron or steam clothing before leaving the house. It doesn’t require a lot of time to do this. It is one of those small details that sometimes gets overlooked and seen as unimportant. Presenting yourself in ironed or steamed clothing sends the message that you do care and you took pride in how you represent yourself.
If you show up to an important meeting or appointment and are in wrinkled clothing, do you think you will be received well? Take the time. The person(s) you are meeting may perceive you as being lazy, unprepared, or incompetent.
Leave the Bonnet Behind
Leave the bonnet behind when going outdoors. The bonnet, head scarf, head wrap, whatever you like to call it is meant to protect and preserve your hair while sleeping. Wearing this outdoors is not a good look. Just imagine you slept in the bonnet then go out shopping. When you get back home, you will sleep in that same bonnet and bring all those pollutants back into your house and into your bed.
It also sends the message that you weren’t too bothered or concerned with combing your hair or putting it in a ponytail. We want to be taken seriously and showing up anywhere but the hair salon or hospital with that bonnet on is not the way. Medical and religious reasons are excluded for the purpose of this post. Back to basics, take the time. Even if that bonnet matches your outfit, leave it at the house. This is not a fashion accessory.
Sleepwear; Oh Dear!
Sleepwear like pajama pants is made for sleeping. So many people are outside wearing pajamas at restaurants, shopping, appointments, etc. You slept in those and went to an establishment and are going back into your home and will sleep in those same PJs. It only takes a few minutes to put on apparel meant for the outdoors. Yes, they are comfortable but when you are seen outdoors in PJs it sends the message that you just woke up and went out without the proper basics.
Although, we do not sleep in our bed slippers I have to add this to the list. Slippers like the fuzzy pink or black ones with the toes out are meant for the house. I know you just got your toes done and you want to show them off. Throw on some sandals or flip flops. Also, the cute fluffy animal slippers. Those slippers ae cute in the house not outdoors picking up all kinds of dirt and germs that you track back into the house.
The Basics
The basics are simple and short steps we can take before presenting ourselves to the world. We are human and no one is perfect. We can bring it back to basics with these small details. There are times we will skip certain things for various reasons. We might not feel well, or wake up late for work, etc. We must give ourselves grace.
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Choose Love and Drop the Ills
Choose Love and Drop the Ills
If you are ready to drop some ill talk or action on someone, stop and drop some good will or cheer instead. For example, if you are about to say something foul to someone, especially someone that you love or who loves you. Stop and say something nice instead. It can be so easy to take those closest to you for granted. Those closest to us, sometimes do not get the best of us. This is because we figure, I see this person on a daily basis, so I do not have to be on my best behavior or give my all.
If you are going to say something that you know is hurtful to your loved one, give a complement instead. Forget about the argument you just had. Let it be. After you have decided to say something nice and complementary, it will make the other person feel good and you will feel better as well. Try it. What do you have to lose? Ok, I will tell you. By saying something positive about someone, you lose stress and anxiety. Ill feelings that increase cortisol in our bodies. You want to release dopamine and endorphins, the feel-good hormones.
Lose the negativity and grudge feelings. Love rules over everything. Be slow to anger and quick to love. Becoming angry is so easy and that is exactly why we must challenge ourselves. Embrace love and forgiveness.
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Blended Families and Discipline Rules
Father’s Day Series, Part 3.
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Please know that you are seen and appreciated for all that you contribute and do for your children. The dads who take the responsibility seriously and do what they need to, in support and love of their children. I hope you smile today and every day knowing in your heart that you are special, important, loved, needed and cherished.
Blended families and discipline rules
Blended families exist and they can be rewarding but also come with some demands. Meaning, that the non-biological parent in the family may face some opposition when trying to discipline a child in the home. The child may feel like they do not have to abide by rules of someone who is not their biological parent. You know how defiant kids can be. So, that brings the question of what the rules are with discipline. Is it okay for a parent other than the biological mother or father to discipline a child?
One thing I think most of us can agree on is that children require discipline. The method of discipline varies greatly and is a personal preference. Nonetheless, it is a necessary part of a child’s growth and development.
Some families are blended, and some are strictly nuclear. As such, it creates a situation where the biological parent is either the mother or father but not both. I pose the question of whether or not it is okay for a man or woman other than the biological parent to discipline the child?
Let’s look at dads who take on the responsibility of another man’s child with his girlfriend or wife. Do you feel that he should have a say in what the child does and whereabouts of the child? Should he be concerned with things relating to household chores, school and extracurricular activities? At the very least, he should feel respected by the child, no matter what. After that I think if he helps support the child, he should be able to apply discipline strategies. Whether that means taking away privileges, punishment where they are restricted from certain activities or getting a beating.
What’s Your Take?
In my opinion, I believe that the parents should come to an agreement and understanding of what that discipline should look like. And stand firmly on that without veering away from those rules. Of course, it will be different for every household but as long as the parents of the house are on the same page, I think it is possible for blended families to work and it can be so rewarding. What do you think?
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Do Fathers Get the Credit They Deserve?
Father’s Day Series, Part 2.
Do Fathers Get the Credit They Deserve?
The countdown is on. Only 1 week left to show those men how much they are appreciated. Do fathers get the credit they deserve? Fathers are very important and sometimes they do not get their deserved credit. People may say that they are supposed to be there for their children and take care of them. Indeed, but why not give them their flowers too?
Afterall, we all want to feel appreciated right? Yes, we do.
In honor of those special men, think about what they mean to you and the role they play in your life. What is special about your father that stands out and makes you want to extoll him? I’m sure you can come up with a few. Thinking about the moments in life that you and your father shared, how can you express your appreciation? Make sure that he knows what those moments mean to you. Additionally, remember to extend that gratitude long after June 16, 2024.
Is there is a memory or time that you most cherish with your father? It would be nice to recreate that moment and relive it all over again. If you cannot physically be with your dad, call him up and reminisce about that memory. I’m sure it would make him smile to know that you remembered it too and cherished the time just the same, if not more.
Dads don’t ask for much, they just want to know that their efforts are not in vain. It is nice to get a ‘thank you’ from someone. It lets them know how much they enjoyed an event or moment spent together. Although, we think they already know how we feel, nonetheless, say it anyway. Even if your dad is not be the sentimental type, and he likes gifts and/or gestures instead. Well, do that. He might want something as simple as watching a sporting event on television. He might want you to just spend time with him. And for the dads who like to receive gifts, make it possible for him. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant.
Some ideas to get you started on a gift that your dad will love:
- Music lover- headphones or earbuds
- Formal dresser- new tie, cologne, or cuff links
- Carpenter types- new drill or tools for his tool box
- Business man- new briefcase, new desk accessory, monogrammed pen set
- Sports fanatic- tickets to a sporting event, personalized sports gift
Do fathers get the credit they deserve? What are your thoughts on the subject? Leave a comment and share your opinion.
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What Qualities Make up a Good Father?
Father’s Day Series, Part 1. What Qualities Make Up a Good Father?
Father’s Day this year, in 2024 is on June 16th. You still have time. Do not forget about this celebration. Fathers are very important and are a much-needed part of society and family. Sometimes, they do not get the recognition and are not celebrated like they should be. There is time to change that.
Also, the month of June is Men’s Health Awareness Month. Urge the men in your life to get a checkup. Even if they feel fine. Some medical conditions do not show up by symptoms and they may feel ok. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Part 1 of the Father’s Day Series is about what qualities make up a good father. A loving man who demonstrates the love of their child, a good listener, the man who shows interest in their child’s goals in life. Discipline and structure are also important.
Is it the one who is there emotionally and physically? The one who listens and talks to their children. The man that attends extracurricular activities. The one who actually spends time with their children.
Or is it the one who provides financially. He is the one who can buy clothes and food. Provide a home. But he is not around. He doesn’t invest time and/or effort. The father who writes the check but is absent otherwise.
What do you think is more important?
Of course, the child’s basic needs should be met. Is it too much to ask that the father provide and be there emotionally?
Fortunately, there are men out there that do just that. It doesn’t matter if the child lives in the same household or not. The man makes an effort to see his children and provides financially too.
June 16th let’s not forget Father’s Day. The day is coming up, there is still time. Show the dads out there that they matter and are loved and appreciated.
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Mental Health and Well Being
By now, most of you know that the month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month. It is the time of year when we check in on our wellbeing. This includes psychological, emotional and physical health.
What exactly is Mental Health? It is how you feel on a daily basis. Your overall state of mind. Are you happy, sad, depressed, feeling anxiety, etc. Our state of mind determines how well we can adapt and deal with challenges that come our way.
Please know that mental health are two words that are healthy and not dirty words. Some people shy away or feel like those are forbidden words. The more we embrace the concept the better we can understand it. It can lead us to learn more about ourselves and learn to open our minds and hearts.
How about we assess how we are doing mentally? I propose an assignment for the next few days. Keep a journal of how you are feeling. You can use your cell phone or write it in a journal, whichever you choose. Note any events that caused a change in mood. An event that made you happy or something that was stressful.
The purpose is to take note of your general state of mind so that any concerning areas can be addressed. Depending on how far or deeply you want to go, you can pursue counseling, behavior modification and lifestyle changes. Try exercising, a change in your eating habits. Getting on a regular sleep schedule. Engaging in things that make you most happy. If that means more social outings, then just do it! Get out more, socialize with friends, family, colleagues. Your happy place might look very different in comparison to others. You might be most happy at the gym, working out or joining a Yoga class. Maybe you are a dancer and like to join a Salsa class.
Mental Health Awareness
- A-Ask yourself the question, “How am I really feeling?”
- W- Wake up with a spirit of hope
- A- Aim to find the positive things in your day
- R- Relax and be kind to yourself
- E- Exercise forgiveness of others and yourself
- N- Negativity has no place in your life
- E- Express gratitude, be thankful
- S- Say no when your plate is too full, and you are overwhelmed
- S- Start looking at the glass as half full and build on that
The month is almost over but that does not mean that we should stop caring about our mental health. We need to be aware of our overall well being all year long. Start today and see what a difference it makes.
Within you is the power to control your happiness.
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Luminous Ones
Luminous ones
Flying high above
Breath escaping lungs
Beautiful, beautiful belove
Spreading light into the dark
Shards of lightness lend a spark
To an otherwise blind sky
Your brightness leading the eye
Helping to make things clear
Letting the night lift the fear
Accompanying the moon, you are near
When the sun goes down, luminous ones appear
The night no longer scary
Look up and you discover
Concerns of danger are nary
No longer lurking, no room to hover
Luminous ones, luminous ones
So dear to me, flying so light and free
Teaching many to see the bright side
It’s always there, use your cre a ti vi ty
Luminous Ones is written in response to Sadje’s picture prompt.
Image credit: Leon Contreras on Unsplash
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Cracking the Concrete Stone
Concrete outer shell
So hard and cold
Full of cracks
From head to toe
Break through
Will quickly reveal
The hardness is hollow
Not as solid as it seems
Beneath the facade
Softer inner core
Unveiled and vulnerable
Out there for all to see
Hardness uncloaked
Softness appeared
With eyes closed
It's difficult to see
Widened pupils recognize
Duality unfolds
Revealing what's underneath
The crackling concrete stone
This writing is in response to the picture prompt by Sadje.
10 Reasons to Say, Thank You
The words thank you come with so much gratitude and humility. Two words that are often overlooked and underused. I have found 10 reasons to say thank you.
10 reasons to say, thank you are:
Opening your eyes in the morning- you are able to live and see a new day
When someone holds the door open for you- it shows that there are
still courteous people out there
Receiving a compliment- the kind words may have been
just what you needed that day
Reaching into the refrigerator and finding something for
nourishment- a simple pleasure of life often taken for granted
When you really need someone to talk to and they answer the phone- you can now discuss what is on your mind and gain some valuable insight
When you have a reason to smile- life is short, relish those
moments
Having a friendly person who is willing to lend a listening ear-you can now vent and get something off your chest instead of internalizing it
When you have someone to share your life with- companionship is
very valuable and should not be taken lightly
Finding comfort in those closest to you- it is nice to have someone who can comfort you just by simply being in their presence
When you can find laughter even during those difficult times-
these are the times when laughter is the best medicine
I don’t know about you, but I can keep going with the list. How many more reasons can you come up with? Personalize the list and add to it or take some things away. Use it on a daily basis. Choose the ones that are most important to you.
As always, thank you for reading.
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Sisterhood in Mourning
Is Sisterhood a thing of the past?
Judgements and criticism
Are the reasons I ask
Maybe it is due to stigmatism
Why not encourage and support
Things that can only uplift and empower
Let's form a coalition and abort
Foul behaviors of those who cower
At the thought of us celebrating each other
Knowing that love conquers all
Lifting sister’s up one after another
Silently they are hoping that we will brawl
Congratulate your sister, do not frown
Judge not your sister, hold your horses
Let us not divide with in-fighting, settle down
Already are we deemed unfit by outside sources
Incapable of being amicable to our kin
Women, sisters, confidant and friend
I ask again, is sisterhood a thing of the past?
Something so vital cannot come to an end
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Risky Business of Complacency
One must not fall into complacency. It is the stuff that makes you stuck and stagnant. As humans, we are not meant to stay in the same place mentally or physically. Of course, our bodies and minds change over time with age. To be complacent means that you are self-satisfied and unaware of any deficiencies. Aloof, and smug also come to mind.
So, you can see that we must not fall into the trap. Being complacent puts us at risk. Again, risk of stagnation leaving no room for personal growth. This is not to say that once you set a goal and have obtained it that you have to continually keep setting more and more non-stop. No, just being aware that you have to work for your spot. You have to earn your position. Do not believe that your presence is all that is required.
COMPLACENT
Comfort, only, makes, people, lazy, and, creates, eternal, nonchalant, traits.
The world of today has a lot of entitlement. Some people feel that because they are popular and, on a sports team, for example, that they don’t have to do the work. Well, while they think their popularity will keep them on the team, there is someone else working up to taking their spot.
Another example is to feel that you can eat unhealthily for as long as you want because you have a thin stature. You have been lucky enough not to go into cardiac arrest due to clogged arteries. Take your health more seriously, and know that it is not a good idea to think it won’t happen to you.
Comfort is okay but only for so long. At some point, you have to intentionally do something uncomfortable. Something that you always felt that you could not do. Because if you stay in that comfort for too long, guess what comes with it? Complacency.
We are not meant to get to a certain place/time in our lives and just stop. If we happen to fall into this trap, we are missing out on many opportunities. It’s okay to pause and take breaks. Just being for the sake of being, yes.
Another analogy is when you successfully find the relationship you want. Then the things you did to attain the relationship stop once the relationship is going well. No, you must continue in order to sustain it.
How about that “diet” you started. Only to go back to those bad eating habits after you have made you weight goal. What do you think will happen next? Of course, that weight is coming back with a vengeance.
Things do not happen to or for us with little to no effort. We have to work for change and forward movement. It is only to our benefit. We cannot risk our health, hearts, body and minds to being complacent. If you feel yourself getting too comfortable, do something about it. Also remember to be kind to yourself in the process.
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Overshadow
Overshadow
Optimistically
Viewing
Everyone
Rallying
Surely
Having
Absolute
Determination
Optimizing
Wisdom
Overshadow was written in response to Sadje’s prompt, what do you see?
Image credit: Tom Barrett on Unsplash
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Waiting and How It Changes Us
Waiting! Who has time for that? In today’s world a lot of things are instantaneous. We are expecting everything to happen at the speed of light. Well, I hate to break it to you but, sometimes you have to wait.
Waiting teaches us valuable lessons in life.
- Patience
- Peace
- Creativity
- Relaxation
We may try to move things along by making phone calls or going to speak to someone in person. This approach does not always work. It’s during those times that we get to regroup and refresh our minds. I know we can become frustrated while waiting but that’s where we begin to have patience.
Patience because we have no choice in that moment. Waiting is a humbling experience too. We think we can control the what’s, when’s and how’s but not always. Some things we can do while waiting are straighten up your dresser or bookshelves. Finish that project you have put off for months.
Let peace enter your life. By doing this we can lessen stress by not having to check our busy schedules. While waiting, do the things you like and not the things you have to do. Just be. When was the last time you were in a state of just being… I’ll wait.
Think about it. While waiting you can learn more about who you are and what things bring you peace. Think about the things that bring a smile to your face. We all have ups and downs. While we are in between those two places, waiting is pivotal. We come to the realization that being normal for a day or two and not over-scheduled is wonderful. That is the peace I’m talking about.
When we lack something and are waiting, this is a time that waiting breeds creativity. A short example is if we do not have gas, we lack the ability to drive our car. We may be waiting for payday to fill up again. Take this time to enjoy yourself. No need to stress about driving across town to do an errand you didn’t want to do in the first place.
Waiting also teaches us that it is not always about us, what we want and when we want it. We lose the sense of entitlement, which is where the humble comes into play. We do not have to fill up every slot on our daily calendars. Our bodies and minds need that time of rest and relaxation.
Has waiting changed you in any way?
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Do Not Let It In
Do Not Let It In
When you hear something scurrying about
It is so tempting to open the door to investigate
Only to discover when you do
It is none other but the horned figure
The horned figure who is a chameleon
Disguising itself as something other
Other than the green-eyed bandit
Just lying in wait ready to use their pointer
The pointer to out everyone but themselves
When eyes are turned their way
They start to retreat and hide away in the shadow
Voice drops from 3 octaves down to one
One day they are dressed as a psychic
The next as a black belt in karate
Wonder what they will be the next time you see them
Maybe that same horned figure in dirty crocodile shoes
It can be tempting but don’t answer the door
Once the door is open the urge is hard to resist slamming it shut
Let the horned figure stay busy trying to get in
For they have nothing else to do
Do not let it in!
Image by David Senior from Pixabay