Can you answer this? To tip or not to tip; that is the question. People who work in the restaurant/customer service industry have a hard job. They are dealing with the public and trying to do a good job by delivering great service. Do you feel that they should be rewarded for a job well done or should they not receive a tip at all? How do you weigh in on this?
Is the tip amount dependent on how well their service was during your visit? Do you feel like this their job and as long as you paid your tab there is no need to tip? What about the servers who are just plain rude and have no interest in serving you with kindness?
What’s on the exterior is not a reflection of the whole person. This message is to young girls and anyone who feels like they do not measure up. Society has women in this cookie-cutter image. Just know that we are versatile. Inner beauty, self-love and confidence is what we are made of. Do not let other people define who you are.
The world we live in today is very shallow and based on outer looks. People sometimes only look at the exterior with no further thought about the entire person. There is nothing wrong with being beautiful. After you get past the beauty what is inside? Do you want to be judged only by how you look? In some industries, beauty is paramount in your success in that particular field. But make sure you are being true to yourself.
Self-love is very important. If people gravitate to you because you look a certain way, but you feel like you are less than. Ask yourself, “what is wrong with this picture?”. Just remember that no one is perfect. At the end of the day, we are all human. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you do not “fit the mold” of what society says you should look like. Love the skin you are in.
If you have big thighs, so what. Embrace it and make it your strength. If your lips are fuller than the masses. Guess what; God made you that way for a reason. Love those lips, they are uniquely yours. It does not matter what your nose looks like or your feet. Have compassion and love for yourself. Accept yourself how you are. If anyone does not recognize the beauty you are inside, love yourself anyway!
“You can‘trelyon how youlookto sustain you, what sustains us, what is fundamentally beautiful is compassion; for yourself and for those around you.”
What should you do when operating a motor vehicle? Pay attention to the road. Keep the distractions and other activities at bay. Simply by giving attention to the task of driving can save so many lives. It can also, lessen the number of car accidents. Let’s face it, we do not want the hassle of dealing with police, car insurance companies, a total stranger and all that comes from being involved in a car crash.
April is Distracted Driving Awareness Month. Every time we get behind the wheel of a car, we need to think about the ramifications of driving distracted. Fatal car crashes happen, all too often and people get seriously hurt.
Distracted driving, what is it?
Driving and not totally engaging on the task at hand. If you have to look away from the road or take your hands off the wheel, you are driving while distracted. Operating a motor vehicle is serious business. These days people take it for granted and are overconfident while behind the wheel. Even if you are a skilled driver, you still have to drive defensively due to all the other cars on the road.
Some examples of distracted driving are eating while behind the wheel, applying makeup, talking or texting on the cell phone, and using GPS. Basically, anything that requires you to take your hands off the steering wheel or take your eyes off the road. Tending to small children in the car while in motion or driving with pets unrestrained can lead to distractions. Even for very short periods, this is dangerous.
What can we do?
Slow down and be alert. Keep in mind and take into account your surroundings. Where you are driving and be proactive about potential dangers. Example is while driving in a parking garage. There are people on foot who can step into your path. Keep in mind, the blind spots. You are in a moving vehicle, they are on foot. Watch for people who may be walking in the parking garage.
Park the car while you are eating. Do not start the engine and get on the road while you are eating food or drinking. Especially, hot beverages like coffee or tea, which can scald you if you spill your beverage. Eating requires you to use only one hand while driving and the other hand is holding the food. You can easily lose control while you only have one hand free to drive.
Apply your makeup at home before leaving the house. Get up earlier and make sure you apply your face before endangering the lives of others. You cannot focus on the road and drive safely, while you are looking in the mirror and putting on eye makeup, lipstick, etc.
Pull over and put the car in park if you need to text or call. It only takes a few extra minutes to ensure your safety and other drivers on the road. Too often I see people driving down the road with the cell phone and both hands on top of the wheel while they are texting. Or, the dead giveaway, is when the driver is looking down instead of straight ahead at the road. Better yet, keep the cell phone out of reach while driving.
Using GPS, global positioning systems are a great tool to have on the road. It also creates a distraction while driving. One way to use it safely is to pull over. Depending on the car you drive or the kind of GPS you are using, it may require you to take your eyes off the road and/or at least one hand.
Pay Attention to the Road
Another form of distracted driving is being on the road while under the influence. Whether you have been drinking or using other substances, this can severely alter your reaction times. Destroying people’s property and possibly killing someone is not worth it.
Driving while sleepy is another way we are on the road being distracted. If you are sleepy, you may nod out at the traffic light. Also, you may veer into oncoming traffic. It is very dangerous. Pull over and take a nap. Better yet, make sure you are well rested behind getting behind the wheel.
Distracted driving causes fatalities and changes the course of people’s lives forever. What are you going to say to the family of someone that you have murdered with your vehicle? I’m sorry is not going to cut it. Car accidents happen so fast but can also be avoided when we pay attention to the road. Think about pedestrians who may be crossing the street. Driving too fast can cause a person to lose control of the car. Everyone is in a rush these days. Slow down!
What are some tips that you use to cut down or stop distracted driving?
What does it mean to be humble? What do you think of when you hear this word? On Wednesday, February 22 it’s all about being humble. Take this day and ground yourself. Bring it down a notch. Do not brag, boast or exhibit pride. It is a day to come down to earth and come to grips with the fact that you are not perfect. Think of ways to humble yourself.
Remember that we are human and make mistakes. Accept that and embrace it. Even if you do not accept the faults and imperfections of others, do it for yourself. Put your ego aside. For some, this is a hard thing to do. Just practice some humility and you will see and feel the difference.
Being a well-accomplished person is no small feat. Just try to keep it under wraps for the day. It does not mean that you have low self-esteem or are downgrading what you have achieved. Instead, about having that personal knowledge of your achievements and not feeling the need to verbalize them at every turn.
Examples
Listen to others who are speaking, without interrupting. This shows the person that you are truly listening to what they have to say. You are putting them first in that moment and not just concerned with what you have to say.
Pride has no place on Humble Day. Put others first. Doing so opens us up to new experiences. When we get out of our own head, we have room to grow and see things from another perspective.
Be mindful of your actions and words. Being mindful shows that even though you may feel a certain way, keep it to yourself and consider the other person’s feelings. Little things do matter.
For those with children, teach them how to humble themselves. Explain to them why it can change their outlook and make them go deeper to learn some things about themselves.
Instead of seeking out attention, give attention to someone else. See how you feel afterward.
Outcomes
Come to the realization that life is not always about ourselves but about embracing others too. When we celebrate others, it is all a trickle affect and it comes back around.
Know that boasting proves nothing. Keeping it to yourself sometimes can be a good thing. Your accomplishments will be obvious. No need to brag and tell everyone. Your inner light will shine through.
Humbling yourself does not diminish who you are. The practice of being humble gives us the chance to look outside of ourselves and see other things and people. It forces us to see life through a new and different lens.
Bring It Down a Notch
Putting away the selfishness and pride truly does make a difference to all mankind. When we humble ourselves, we are more likely to help others. This practice lends us with more awareness of what is happening around us and in the world. It is a way of enlightenment.
Humble Day is on February 22nd but who says it has to end there. If you have a humbling experience that changed your life, consider sharing. It may inspire others and let them see the light. If you don’t want to share, that’s okay too. Go back to that moment and use that experience as an example to guide your actions on Humble Day.
January O Enero, New Beginning. Happy New Year! It’s 2023 and time for a new beginning. What do you resolve for the new year? This is the chance for new goals, new wishes and a time to reflect. Reflect on the year gone by and how you want to spend this next year. Pledge to yourself to add a new skill and/or hobby, pledge to make your health a priority. Pledge to be a little nicer to others as you are to yourself. Think about what you can change to make this year better than the last.
Women Rock! Day
January 3
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels
Women Rock! Day brings to mind, Tina Turner, Pat Benatar, and Aretha Franklin. Women have blazed a trail into the male dominated industry of Rock N’ Roll. Aretha set the stage for being the first woman to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Other women to join the ranks of the Queen of Soul, Aretha, include Stevie Nicks, Janis Joplin, Tina Turner, Gladys Knight, Etta James, Debbie Harry, Madonna and a host of others. A notable performer is Pat Benatar who came on the scene in the late 70s with her debut album, “In the Heat of the Night”. Tina Turner, Queen of Rock N’ Roll, has been in the music industry for about 40-50 years. These women, among others came in and made their stamp on music for women performers today.
Braille is a form of writing for the visually impaired or blind. This was created by Louis Braille who himself became blind, at 10 years of age, due to a self-inflicted accident. The Braille system uses touch and a six-dot formation. The creation of braille is invaluable to those who cannot see. It has allowed the visually impaired the ability to communicate and read like those who still have sight. Since 2018 the United Nations General Assembly declared this a national holiday. On World Braille Day help raise awareness. Learn Braille so that you can help people who may not know how to read it. Braille helps to make people who have lost their sight feel inclusive. Even though individuals may not be able to see, they have other senses to use in order to go about their daily lives. January is also Braille Literacy Month.
Did you know? You can buy toys in Braille. Also, Math and Science has a form of Braille called the Nemeth Code.
Epiphany, Three Kings Day, Día de Los Reyes is January 6th. It marks the last day of the extended Christmas holiday in many Latin American countries. On this day, it is said that the 3 wise men gave gifts to Baby Jesus. Of course, good food is involved for this occasion. Some families enjoy a meal outdoors. More like a feast which includes dishes of beans with rice, slow roasted meat, plantains, soups and other traditional Latin cuisine. Also, king cake is a part of this celebration. This is a ring-shaped cake with a hidden doll baked inside. The doll symbolizes Baby Jesus. Should you be the one to get the doll inside it means that you have to bring the next king cake. Also, it signifies that you will have prosperity and luck.
Today we observe the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr who was born on January 15, 1929. He was a non-violent, civil rights leader.
Why is he celebrated?
He had a hand in desegregation. Gone are the days of separate water fountains, bathrooms and seating on public transportation among Black and White people.
Dr. King fought to eradicate racism. He fought for civil and economic rights of people.
MLK was the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize.
The voting rights act of 1965 is to his credit. Had he not persisted and held the Southern Christian Leadership Conference in Selma, Alabama, this law might not have been passed.
As you can see, he is responsible for bringing people together and effecting change for the better. And not just Black people, but all people.
Did you know?
Samuel L. Gravely (1922-2004) was the first African American to command a United States Navy Warship. He also joined the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity., the first fraternity for African Americans. He accomplished a lot of first achievements in the military for African Americans.
National Puzzle Day is a way to exercise your brain. Whether you like Jigsaw puzzles, crosswords or Jenga it does not matter, they all provide benefits for the brain. Doing puzzles are stress relievers and fun. You can do a jigsaw puzzle by yourself or with friends and family. You can start off with a small jigsaw and work your way up to 500-1000 pieces. Enjoy yourself, these are not just for kids but there are plenty of adult puzzles out there.
Stalking– the act or crime of willfully and repeatedly following or harassing another person in circumstances that would cause a reasonable person to fear injury or death especially because of express or implied threats.
In January we bring attention to this important topic. Stalking is a crime in all 50 states and Washington D.C. This is not limited to physical stalking but cyberstalking as well. Women are stalked almost 3 times more than men. In 2011, former President Barack Obama made the first proclamation for stalking awareness. If you feel that you are being stalked and are in immediate danger, call 911. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Let your family/friends know if you feel like you are being followed, receiving threats, getting unwanted attention. Do not engage with a stalker. If you can, gather evidence. We all have the right to feel safe at work, home or anywhere we go. Spread awareness and be safe.
Is it better to be wealthy with little to no true friends or humble/poor with many friends?
Wealth affords a lot of things. Alternatively, having friends are an advantage too. You can consider yourself rich if you have both wealth and a network of friends. True friends. Sometimes when people are financially wealthy, they have people around them but not necessarily all of them can be called a friend. You know, there are groupies, moochers, free loaders, etc. It can be hard to tell if those people are truly your friend or just hanging around because of what you have. And more importantly, what they can get from you. Call it what it is, I’m sure you have all seen this scenario before.
Having friends provides an emotional support system
A listening ear is just a phone call away in those times when you just need to talk
Feeling of community
Social life is always possible
Being humble/poor with many friends gives you the feeling that the people in your life are there for you. They are not concerned with what you have or do not have. You don’t have to wonder if they are around for some other reason. Genuine friends are hard to come by and when you don’t have much in the way of material things, but you have friends, that is nothing to take lightly.
Having money is good but it comes with some downsides too. Like not knowing who has an agenda or ulterior motive. You can buy many things with money, but you can’t buy friends or love. Money does not buy happiness.
On the other hand, having friends does provide happiness. You have people around you to celebrate you and in return; you them. Maybe being humble/poor causes stress in your life. That friend(s) sometimes makes it all better when they still visit you. They don’t judge you for your humble wardrobe or humble home.
Shakira was getting ready for her special date. She had all her “accessories” lined up and ready to go. The wig that she just bought, the fake eyelashes and press on nails were all on the dresser in her bedroom.
Suddenly, as she is sitting there at the vanity, getting pretty she sees her teenage son in the mirror. He had just walked in without knocking.
He got scared at the sight of this “stranger” in his Mom’s room. There Shakira was without her wig, nails and lashes on. No make-up either. He ran out of the room and came back with a baseball bat. “Who are you and what are you doing here?!” he demanded. “Where is my Mom?”
Shakira stood up in her bra and butt pads, turned around to face him then he realized who she was.
She snapped at him, I done told you about coming in my room without knocking first boy! You don’t listen. Now you got me all riled up. I’m gonna be late getting ready for my date.
Totally embarrassed by walking in and seeing his mom that way, he just walked out and went back to his room. That’s a sight he wants to forget; sooner rather than later.
Lesson learned, never enter a room without knocking. You never know what you will find on the other side of that door.
Speaking to someone in passing
Saying, hello
They seem to just look over you
Like you aren't there
Asking a question
The silence creeps in
No one replies
Hello, is anyone there?
Being seen and heard
Not much to ask
Doesn't cost anything
No credit card or cash
Perhaps it's lazy lips
No need to part your mouth
In an effort, to be civil or kind
Just keep your head down looking south
Are you that self-centered
Too busy to speak
How does it feel when it happens to you
You are not so unique
Get out of your head
Come back down to earth
Live in the real world
Not in a fictional place instead
Too much of a burden to exchange a greeting?
To smile or wave to someone in passing
Just a simple gesture between people
Try it, it is not so fleeting
--O'Nika McGill--
Chasing away the chaos. Ever wonder when you turn on the TV if there will be good news? The war in Ukraine is still ongoing. Gun violence is still rampant. Gas prices are on the rise, once again. Food prices are steadily increasing. Housing costs are through the roof. Is there any relief in sight?
The chaos that goes on today poses a question about what to do to find some semblance of calm? One way to chase away the chaos is to stop watching the news. I can’t remember the last time I saw something good on the news. While it is imperative to stay informed about what’s going on, it is also sad and depressing.
Changing the world is no easy task but we can start with changing the way we see things. Look at things in a positive light and focus on that. It is very easy to fall into the negative zone and the gloom and doom takes over. Think of someone who always has something to complain about. Something is always a problem, or they are always, “in their feelings”.
Things may not be sweet all the time but there is always something positive in every situation. In some cases, people choose to focus on the negative aspect. Why is that?
Below is a previous article about inner peace. Maybe it will help with chasing away the chaos in your world. I hope it sheds some light and helps to turn things around for those going through a dark situation.
Check out Tha Du-Ja Show. This episode is about Mental Health.
Congratulations to Duquan Hicks and Aa-son Jasim for 1 year of their awareness podcast. Keep it up and much success to you both!!
Some of the topics they have covered include social injustice, dating, an interview with DJ Shakim, loose conversation, and the latest episode on Mental Health. Check out their YouTube channel, Tha Du-Ja Show to see other episodes. Enjoy!
It’s time for us to check some health exams off of the list. If we don’t take care of ourselves we certainly can’t take care of everything else in life. Being a woman comes with a lot of responsibility. We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we both look and feel good. Kids, family, career, spouse/significant other are all very demanding. We can handle it though. It’s not easy but we can do it. We have days when we might not feel up to it and that is ok. But, keeping up on our health is important. If we don’t feel well it affects our quality of life.
Physical Exam
A yearly physical exam is usually performed at your primary care physician’s office. The doctor will check your vitals, blood pressure, pulse, and listen to your chest through the stethoscope. Also, they check your ears and eyes as well. Some PCPs will perform a breast exam, if you request it. At the physical the doctor will ask you general health questions about any medical family history of certain illnesses. This helps the provider assess your risk of developing health issues. Also, blood tests and/or urine tests will be done at this visit.
Why get a physical exam?
It helps to find out if there are medical issues that need to be addressed. You can learn things about your body like whether or not you are anemic, in which case you might need to take some kind of iron supplements or get the needed iron from food. You might have high blood pressure or maybe your blood sugar is too high or low. Just simple blood tests can help you determine if your cholesterol is too high. This testing can also detect any problems with your kidneys. After learning what your blood results are you can start to take steps to improve your health.
Depending on what the results show it may be a matter of changing your diet and/or exercise. Some conditions may require medication. But having these yearly physical exams keeps you informed about your health.
Breast health is very important for women. A mammogram is a radiology test that takes images of your breast tissue. It can detect whether you have healthy breast tissue or breast cancer. The actual test is not the most comfortable but at least, in most cases, you only have to have a mammogram once a year. Your healthcare provider can specify how often you will need to have this performed.
If you notice any changes in your breasts, like their appearance or the way they feel, it is worth it to get checked out. Self-breast exams at home are important too. This way you know what is normal for you and if something feels off, you will be able to recognize it.
A gynecology exam is a pelvic exam to look at the reproductive organs. The exam can help to detect cancers like ovarian cancer or cervical cancer. Also, the gynecologist can visually look for any signs of thinning/thickening of the uterine lining. The vulva, vagina, uterus and cervix are the areas that will be examined. The provider can also see if you have fibroid tumors and/or any other abnormalities., like a cyst on the ovaries. A breast exam is also included in most gynecology exams. During this exam, a PAP smear is performed and sent to the lab. Usually, a gynecology exam is performed yearly and PAP smears done every 3 years, if normal. A PAP smear looks for any abnormal cells of the cervix.
Having a gynecology exam can be uncomfortable because a stranger is looking at the most intimate parts of your body. The reason it is important is for early detection of any serious illness. The sooner a potential problem is found, the sooner treatment can begin, if needed.
Eye Exam
For obvious reasons, eye exams are important. Good vision is essential if we are going to carry on in our day-to-day activities. Certain health conditions have an effect on our vision, so even more reason to have your eyes checked. Diabetes, high blood pressure, liver disease, sickle cell disease and shingles all play a part in how our eyes function. There are other factors too that contribute to poor eye health.
Malnutrition can also cause problems. If we are not eating right and getting the proper nutrients we need, it affects our overall health. Without the proper vitamins and minerals that we get from food, over time puts us at risk for developing macular degeneration.
Oral health is important. Especially, if you are a happy person and you like to smile a lot. You want your smile to be bright. Also, you want to have a healthy mouth and fresh breath. Routine dental exams are where we can start. Regular dental cleanings can detect any problems, like cavities, periodontal disease or maybe you have teeth that overlap and need braces.
We have all heard it; brushing at least twice a day, and flossing daily is the minimum we should do. Just pause and think about how often we actually floss… Brushing does not get all the “bad” things we need to reach between teeth. Flossing is a very important step but many of us skip this part or don’t do it as often as we should. I admit; I am one of these people.
If you notice swollen or red gums, bad breath, bleeding gums, these are all signs that something needs attention. Our oral health, if left unchecked can have negative consequences on our health. Inflammation in the mouth can let bacteria into the bloodstream and can lead to inflammation in other parts of the body. There is a correlation between gum disease and diabetes, heart conditions and respiratory problems.
You Matter
We only have one life to live so let’s make it a great one! In recognition of Women’s History Month, let’s do something for ourselves and keep our health in check. Now, if you are already up on all of these things, then you are definitely ahead of the game. Keep it up!
This is just for men; check yourself for good health. Let’s talk about it. This is for all the dads, uncles, nephews, brothers, sons and cousins. We all know that men pride themselves for being the protectors and providers of the family. You have to be strong. Yes, this is true to some degree. Because you are such an important part of the foundation of family, we need you to be around. We need you to be healthy, not just for family but for yourself. This is an appeal to you, to take care of your health before it is too late.
Put your testosterone aside. Leave the machismo at home for a minute. Drop the bravado. There are things that need to be checked for health reasons and longevity in life. Even if you do not have any symptoms and think that everything is fine; get a check up anyway. You may be thinking to yourself; I don’t need nobody poking at me, looking at things that ain’t none of their business. Please put that notion aside for a minute.
Ladies, please urge all the men in your life to get a check up.
Let’s look at some conditions that black men face.
Heart Disease and African Americans
African Americans are more prone to heart disease and are at higher risk for developing heart issues. 44% of African American men have some form of heart disease. Some other conditions that contribute to this are diabetes, hypertension, obesity and high cholesterol levels. Some ways to stay ahead of this is by getting regular check ups and knowing the specific health risks for you.
Check your blood pressure, blood glucose levels, and cholesterol. All of these things combined will give a better overall picture about your heart health.
Be pro-active and get more physical exercise, eat a healthier diet and drink more water.
Prostate Health and You
Please consider getting a prostate exam. Talk to your healthcare provider about your risks for prostate cancer. The earlier this condition is found the better the chances are for treatment. Prostate cancer is one of the most common forms of cancer among men. Also, it is one of the leading causes of cancer death in men. Especially, men of a certain age should consider talking to their doctor about this. Just because all of your parts are working does not mean everything is everything. Some types of prostate cancer have no symptoms at all. Compared to white men, the number of new prostate cancer cases in Black men is 60% higher.
Many black men face mental health disorders. Anxiety disorders, depression, mood disorders and PTSD; just to name a few. Some men were not taught how to process and express their emotional feelings. As a result, many start to feel angry, resentful and isolated. It may have something to do with holding things in and not wanting to be vulnerable. Also, within the black community there is distrust with medical professionals. This adds to the barriers of seeking professional help when needed. If you are a man who does not trust medical professionals, talk to someone you know and trust.
A lot of men feel the financial pressures of providing for their families. So, when money problems occur, they are hesitant to speak on this. Some are afraid that they may be perceived as being weak. It takes strength in order to want to get help and tackle the situation, rather than let it linger on and on. It helps to get it out. Talking about issues that you are facing can reduce anxiety and stress. It is okay to talk about these things without the stigma that exists within the black community. Therapy or counseling is a taboo subject in the black community. It is not something that is openly discussed and rarely brought up at all.
Diabetes and What to Know
Type 2 diabetes is more common in men compared to women. 90-95% of people with diabetes has type 2. Diabetes can lead to other problems with vision, kidney disease and heart disease. Type 2 diabetes is preventable and if you already have it, it can be managed with lifestyle changes, diet and/or medication. Poorly controlled diabetes increases blood sugar levels in the bloodstream.
Some ways to prevent diabetes
Drink plenty of water. The more water you drink helps to avoid intake of extra sugar from other drinks.
Get regular exercise. More physical activity helps to keep blood sugar levels under control. Choose activity that you like to do and something that you will stick with for the long haul.
Watch portion sizes and try to eat a low-carb diet. By lessening your carb intake your body will require less insulin to maintain your blood sugar level.
Some ways to manage diabetes
Monitor blood pressure- try to maintain a reading of 130/80 or below.
Check cholesterol levels-try to keep the LDL (bad level) less than 100 mg/dl.
Check hemoglobin A1C- this reading shows how well blood sugar is being managed in the body. A level of less than 7 reduces the risk of damage to eyes and kidneys.
As you can see, heart disease, prostate health, mental health and diabetes are very important things to monitor. These are real things that happen to real people. The sooner you keep tabs on your health, the better your chances are of improving your health. Remember, we need you to be around. To be here and healthy!
So, let’s talk about self-esteem and why it’s important. Self-esteem is how you see yourself. You are worthy and you know how to put a value on the person that you are. Self-esteem is very important because it is going to guide you in life, it drives your decisions. It is very important because with it, no one can try to make you feel small; well, they can try. Ultimately, you know that you are worthy and that is enough. Without it, you might think it is ok for someone to treat you badly.
I don’t want anyone to lose sight of their self-worth because that is something that no one can give you. It is something that you have to search within yourself to bring out. Realize your potential because without self-esteem things can go in a totally opposite direction and we don’t want that! We want to keep it positive! We want to keep ourselves uplifted! Unfortunately, even when you are minding your own business, at some point trouble will find you. So, it’s best to power up your self-esteem, I’m talking about positive self-esteem. Once you fully believe it you tell yourself; yes, I’m worthy of respect, love, and I deserve to be treated well. Once you tell yourself these things you will have a brighter outlook and the confidence to move ahead.
It is not enough to just think these things you need to speak it out loud. I mean to affirm these things when you’re alone or in trusted company. First, you have to think it, believe it and know it. Secondly, say it out loud. Vocalizing it gives you power. Lifting yourself up and speaking positive things about yourself is very helpful. Highlight some physical attributes. Say, I’m beautiful, I have a beautiful smile, I have beautiful eyes, I have nice legs, I have a beautiful personality or I’m a good friend. Affirm the things that you know you possess, whether it is a characteristic or something physical.
Self-esteem gives you empowerment. It gives you confidence. You will be invincible in the way that if someone makes a certain comment about you, it’s not going to ruin your day. Certain comments are not going to bring you down and turn your bright outlook into something negative There are people who will try to insult others, just so that they can feel better about themselves.
Remember that someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t validate who you are. Everyone has their own opinion and that’s OK. We are not going to be liked by everyone we encounter, it’s perfectly fine. The reason it is fine is because the people who belong in our lives are the ones who will stick around. They are going to be in our lives for more than a season.
Scenarios
If someone approaches you with an off the wall comment. It’s best to walk away or just kill them with kindness. Kill them with kindness. Even though your first instinct may be to punch them in the face. Come back with something nice about them. That’s all you have to do. Because they are not going to expect that. They will not know how to react. This will throw them off. You don’t even have to stick around to see their reaction just walk away. Another tactic is to ignore them, tune them out. OK, that is a skill that I have mastered myself.
There are bullies out there, both children and adults. The ones who never have a nice word to say about anyone. More times than not its because they feel inadequate about themselves. Don’t let them reign their negativity on you and ruin your day. Self-esteem prepares you and you exude confidence with your body language. Stand tall and hold your head up.
If you walk around with slumped posture and looking down, this is no good. People can pick up on that energy and then you become a target. You may be perceived as weak. Because you are showing that you are in a down mood people will prey on you. Even if you are in a down mood, do not let this show! It is especially necessary on these days that you may not feel so sure of yourself, that you show up and show out! Let the world know that you are ready and unstoppable. Walk with purpose!
With self-esteem you will not question when someone is nice to you. Everyone doesn’t have a hidden agenda. Everyone is not out to get you. Without self-esteem you question certain things. You think to yourself; why are they being nice to me? And I say, well, why not you? Of course, you deserve to be treated nicely, you deserve to receive love, you deserve respect. On the other hand, we have instincts or intuition so don’t let your guard down with everyone. We all know better than this. What I am saying is that when certain things happen to you that are good, embrace it, receive it. Don’t block your blessings!
The same exact thing can happen to me and my friend but it may take me two weeks to get out of it, it may take her three days. It’s different for everyone so we can’t measure our own healing or grieving process against others. What I’m saying is we have to move on, we have to get out of that at some point. We cannot stay in that state of feeling like we’re not deserving of certain things because it’s just simply not true.
Self-esteem helps us deal with people and/or relationships. You may have a toxic personality in your life and especially if it is someone who’s close to you, those may be the hardest ones to disengage from. Sometimes, you have to cut people off just to let them know that they are not going to speak to you any kind of way, they cannot treat you any kind of way. They may have been around for a while but you just have to do it. It is not going to be easy but it is necessary. If for nothing else, your own sanity, your own self-esteem and respect.
Walk In Your Power
Just know that self-esteem matters. Tell yourself that you are a good person, you deserve respect, you deserve kindness. If someone has drilled it in your head that you are anything less than magnificent, don’t believe it. Be brave enough to showcase that. It’s one thing if this starts in your childhood because when you are a child everything soaks in like a sponge. Children are impressionable. As you grow to be an adult you know the difference. The minute you assert yourself people will look at you like; who is this, is this really you, did you just say, that, did you just do that. It only takes one time to make a believer out of them. Don’t be afraid!
The pandemic has changed our lives in so many ways. People are going through so much. Some people have lost their jobs, they are being displaced from their homes, schools are closed, etc. Therefore, parents can’t go back to work because they don’t have childcare. There is a lot of domestic violence happening as well because families are stuck together every day. with mounting pressures. Food is expensive, housing is expensive and it’s not the easiest time to navigate, it’s not as easy to bounce back right now. This is a time of low morale for some. It is important that we walk in our power. Go and be around a person or people who are always upbeat. They always have a kind word; call that person up, text that person.
Lastly, please do not mistake self-esteem for arrogance, egotism and conceit. Having a high regard for yourself is not the same as having an inflated sense of self.
So, do you see why having self-esteem is important?
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