Chasing away the chaos. Ever wonder when you turn on the TV if there will be good news? The war in Ukraine is still ongoing. Gun violence is still rampant. Gas prices are on the rise, once again. Food prices are steadily increasing. Housing costs are through the roof. Is there any relief in sight?
The chaos that goes on today poses a question about what to do to find some semblance of calm? One way to chase away the chaos is to stop watching the news. I can’t remember the last time I saw something good on the news. While it is imperative to stay informed about what’s going on, it is also sad and depressing.
Changing the world is no easy task but we can start with changing the way we see things. Look at things in a positive light and focus on that. It is very easy to fall into the negative zone and the gloom and doom takes over. Think of someone who always has something to complain about. Something is always a problem, or they are always, “in their feelings”.
Things may not be sweet all the time but there is always something positive in every situation. In some cases, people choose to focus on the negative aspect. Why is that?
Below is a previous article about inner peace. Maybe it will help with chasing away the chaos in your world. I hope it sheds some light and helps to turn things around for those going through a dark situation.
Independent by choice or force, which are you? Someone who is independent does not rely or count on outside things. An independent person may also be considered self-sufficient. Being independent comes with both positive and negative judgements. Let us look at both sides of the coin.
Independent by choice
I got this Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels
A person who is independent by choice may be seen as egotistical, head-strong, unyielding or even arrogant. People who choose to be independent are those who feel they have something to prove. They have to show others that they can do for themselves without assistance from anyone else. They have it in their mind that if someone helps them, they are weak. Maybe people will see them as incompetent. On the other hand, they may feel like they owe someone who lends a helping hand. Having access to resources but not using them is another way to exhibit being independent by choice. If you have a support system but choose to do everything yourself and not accept help, then this would be a choosey independent.
Independent by force
Mom working at home with the kids Photo by Ketut Subiyanto: on Pexels
Being independent by force is more of a survivalist style of living. If you are independent by force it means that you do not have a support system and have to mostly rely on yourself. There are no close friends or relatives in easy reach that you can call on. In this case, you only have you. It takes a lot to deal with and handle everything that is necessary for everyday life. Especially, if you have medical and/or physical limitations, or are economically strapped for cash.
In some of these cases, people will just give up because they are tired. Mentally and physically exhausted. Even when local resources are available, you may not be able to get to the place to receive services. For example, someone without a car does not have a ride to sign up for services. Some individuals may not have fare to ride public transportation, even if this is available in their area. It is difficult to be in this situation, but some people manage just fine. They have it in their mind that they have to get it done and find a way.
Independence in relationships
Man offering helping hand Photo by Robin Kutesa on Pexels
In relationships, this is a topic that rears its ugly head. Some of our sistas are out here being strong and independent. That’s cool, that is great, but… don’t overdue it and make your man feel that he cannot do for you. I know it can be hard at times to let the wall down and let someone get close to you. This mindset of having the wall up and being independent comes from being a product of your environment, in some cases.
Meaning, we have single mothers taking care of the kids alone. The fathers are not around for whatever reason. Sista’s in relationships with men who are not holding up their end of the relationship. Being a bum and letting the woman carry them. This behavior is enabling and can only have a negative effect on the relationship in the long run.
Holding your own is a wonderful thing and gives you purpose and a feeling that you can do for yourself. Beware, shutting your partner out will cause a divide. Just know that your man wants to feel like a man and be there for you too. Let him in. Let him feel important in the relationship, like he can be there for you, the same way you are for him.
Independent by Choice or Force
Sometimes we can’t help our circumstances. We can only do our best to make sure that we maintain our livelihood. Just remember, there is nothing wrong with asking for help. Especially, if you are in a position to seek assistance from those close to you. We all can use a helping hand at one time or another in life.
On the other hand, there are individuals who do not care to do anything for themselves. They just wait around and if something happens it happens but if not, then oh well. This type of mindset does not make for being a productive person. Life is so short. We have to try our best to make things happen.
Let us be a participant in life and not a spectator.
For anyone who missed the show, Da Hip Hop Barbershop Presents on iHeart Radio- WDRB Media- The Voice of the Community. You can check it out here. Thank you all for listening!
The host, Ock the Barber will be interviewing me to promote my blog, Inspire By O’Nika. Topic discussion will include my posts on Hip Hop Music Culture of the 80s and 90s, Gun Violence- We Can Do Without It, Self Esteem and Why It’s Important and a host of other things.
A little about the show, Da Hip Hop Barbershop Presents. The host is Ock the Barber and he is also the owner of a mobile barber shop. As the name of the show indicates, the show is related to Hip Hop. You will hear Ock along with Louis Hicks, Jr. tackle some subjects like stress, ghostwriting and a tribute to DJs. Even if you do not listen to Hip Hop, you will hear about other things happening in the community. The show will not disappoint. If you want to hear some grown up, clean discussions and music which also includes other things going on take a listen to this radio station.
Da Hip Hop Barbershop Presents airs on Sundays at 12:00 am on iHeart Radio-WDRB Media- The Voice of the Community.
I want to give a big thank you to Ock the Barber and Louis Hicks, Jr for making this opportunity possible!
Black people come in a myriad of different skin tones. Due to this, some are discriminated against because they are either too light or too dark to be Black. This discrimination happens within our own community, as well as, by people outside of the Black race. That’s the sad part about it.
Light Skin
Light Skinned Complexion Photo by Nicole Berro on Pexels
If you are Black and are of a lighter complexion, people think that you are conceited. Some people say that you think you are, “all-that” and that you think you are better than other Black people who have a darker skin tone. While some light skinned people do act that way and fit the description, it is not because of the color of their skin. I attribute those characteristics to the individual person and not their complexion. Just note, that there are darker skinned Black people who possess the same traits. They think they are better than other Black people and there are some who are conceited too.
A perception exists that lighter skinned people are smarter, have more privileges and are more successful than darker skinned people. Being of a lighter complexion leads some people to say that you are not, “black enough”. Just based on your skin tone. Also, there is this kind of acceptance that some people seek just to prove their, “blackness”. This backward thinking is a part of what’s wrong with the world today. It goes back so many years and you would think in the year 2022, we would have progressed.
A person’s success in life depends on the efforts of that individual and not some unfounded belief that it is because they are light skinned. The world is so focused on outward appearance. Nowadays, people don’t take the time to see what others are truly made of and who they are beyond their skin tone.
We can’t help how we were made, and we were made the way we are for a reason. It is no excuse to call people names and insult them because they are not the same complexion as you. Light skinned people have been called derogatory names like red bone, high yellow, light skin, and pale face, just to name a few.
Being a Black person and having a dark skin tone comes with some negative preconceptions too. People think that if you are dark skinned that you are unintelligent, unsuccessful and not attractive. Again, this is so superficial and another stereotype that needs to be broken. Some people with a dark skinned complexion feel the need to compete with light skinned people. Meaning, that some women go to the extreme of bleaching their skin. I attribute this to the pressures of society to fit some unrealistic mold.
Darker skinned people are just as smart, beautiful, and successful as people of lighter skin tones. It can be hard for some to truly believe this when everyday someone tries to make them feel otherwise. We have to erase the color lines and lift each other up. It is so unfair to judge someone by their complexion before getting to know them. People of darker skin tones get labeled as, “too ethnic” and are passed up for certain career opportunities.
Some negative names that dark-skinned women have been called are jigaboo, darkie, black and burnt. Imagine what this does to a person’s psyche. There are many more derogatory names that people of both light and dark skin tones are called but this is just the abbreviated version. I truly believe that you should not navigate your life based on what other’s think of you. Pave your own way and don’t worry about people’s opinion.
Takeaway
Your complexion should not influence how far you go in life. My advice is to believe in yourself and go for what you want in life. It’s okay if you get passed up for an opportunity. That means it wasn’t for you and there is something else out there. Keep going! Do not be discouraged! It’s hard enough out here being judged by the masses. Why are we being judged by our own too? Let’s embrace each other and help each other out.
Check out Tha Du-Ja Show. This episode is about Mental Health.
Congratulations to Duquan Hicks and Aa-son Jasim for 1 year of their awareness podcast. Keep it up and much success to you both!!
Some of the topics they have covered include social injustice, dating, an interview with DJ Shakim, loose conversation, and the latest episode on Mental Health. Check out their YouTube channel, Tha Du-Ja Show to see other episodes. Enjoy!
March 8, 2022 is International Women’s Day. This month is also Women’s History Month. Let’s celebrate each other ladies!! What a wonderful way to truly bring light to women all over the world. Oftentimes, we do not get the recognition that we deserve. We are women, mothers, wives, business owners, providers, educators, nurturers and then some.
Sometimes we are overlooked for certain career opportunities. We are paid less than men, but we are just as valuable. We contribute as many ideas, hours and truly bring value to the workplace. Women are often seen as the “weaker” sex. I’m here to tell you that nothing can be further from the truth. We are just as capable as men in the world.
Even though we are nurturers we also hold our own in many, many ways. We wear many hats and are stronger than we look; both mentally and physically. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t sleep on us because we look a certain way. Women have the capability to adapt to situations and rise above adversities in life.
I encourage every woman to let their light shine and don’t be afraid to stand tall and DO YOU!! Don’t dumb it down just so that everyone around you can feel comfortable. No, be YOU in all your glory, beauty and brains!
We have a lot to offer and that is why as women we need to continue to lift each other up. Not just in times of need but in every way that we can. You never know who you can encourage and lift up just by your kind words, smile and advice.
So, let’s talk about self-esteem and why it’s important. Self-esteem is how you see yourself. You are worthy and you know how to put a value on the person that you are. Self-esteem is very important because it is going to guide you in life, it drives your decisions. It is very important because with it, no one can try to make you feel small; well, they can try. Ultimately, you know that you are worthy and that is enough. Without it, you might think it is ok for someone to treat you badly.
I don’t want anyone to lose sight of their self-worth because that is something that no one can give you. It is something that you have to search within yourself to bring out. Realize your potential because without self-esteem things can go in a totally opposite direction and we don’t want that! We want to keep it positive! We want to keep ourselves uplifted! Unfortunately, even when you are minding your own business, at some point trouble will find you. So, it’s best to power up your self-esteem, I’m talking about positive self-esteem. Once you fully believe it you tell yourself; yes, I’m worthy of respect, love, and I deserve to be treated well. Once you tell yourself these things you will have a brighter outlook and the confidence to move ahead.
It is not enough to just think these things you need to speak it out loud. I mean to affirm these things when you’re alone or in trusted company. First, you have to think it, believe it and know it. Secondly, say it out loud. Vocalizing it gives you power. Lifting yourself up and speaking positive things about yourself is very helpful. Highlight some physical attributes. Say, I’m beautiful, I have a beautiful smile, I have beautiful eyes, I have nice legs, I have a beautiful personality or I’m a good friend. Affirm the things that you know you possess, whether it is a characteristic or something physical.
Self-esteem gives you empowerment. It gives you confidence. You will be invincible in the way that if someone makes a certain comment about you, it’s not going to ruin your day. Certain comments are not going to bring you down and turn your bright outlook into something negative There are people who will try to insult others, just so that they can feel better about themselves.
Remember that someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t validate who you are. Everyone has their own opinion and that’s OK. We are not going to be liked by everyone we encounter, it’s perfectly fine. The reason it is fine is because the people who belong in our lives are the ones who will stick around. They are going to be in our lives for more than a season.
Scenarios
If someone approaches you with an off the wall comment. It’s best to walk away or just kill them with kindness. Kill them with kindness. Even though your first instinct may be to punch them in the face. Come back with something nice about them. That’s all you have to do. Because they are not going to expect that. They will not know how to react. This will throw them off. You don’t even have to stick around to see their reaction just walk away. Another tactic is to ignore them, tune them out. OK, that is a skill that I have mastered myself.
There are bullies out there, both children and adults. The ones who never have a nice word to say about anyone. More times than not its because they feel inadequate about themselves. Don’t let them reign their negativity on you and ruin your day. Self-esteem prepares you and you exude confidence with your body language. Stand tall and hold your head up.
If you walk around with slumped posture and looking down, this is no good. People can pick up on that energy and then you become a target. You may be perceived as weak. Because you are showing that you are in a down mood people will prey on you. Even if you are in a down mood, do not let this show! It is especially necessary on these days that you may not feel so sure of yourself, that you show up and show out! Let the world know that you are ready and unstoppable. Walk with purpose!
With self-esteem you will not question when someone is nice to you. Everyone doesn’t have a hidden agenda. Everyone is not out to get you. Without self-esteem you question certain things. You think to yourself; why are they being nice to me? And I say, well, why not you? Of course, you deserve to be treated nicely, you deserve to receive love, you deserve respect. On the other hand, we have instincts or intuition so don’t let your guard down with everyone. We all know better than this. What I am saying is that when certain things happen to you that are good, embrace it, receive it. Don’t block your blessings!
The same exact thing can happen to me and my friend but it may take me two weeks to get out of it, it may take her three days. It’s different for everyone so we can’t measure our own healing or grieving process against others. What I’m saying is we have to move on, we have to get out of that at some point. We cannot stay in that state of feeling like we’re not deserving of certain things because it’s just simply not true.
Self-esteem helps us deal with people and/or relationships. You may have a toxic personality in your life and especially if it is someone who’s close to you, those may be the hardest ones to disengage from. Sometimes, you have to cut people off just to let them know that they are not going to speak to you any kind of way, they cannot treat you any kind of way. They may have been around for a while but you just have to do it. It is not going to be easy but it is necessary. If for nothing else, your own sanity, your own self-esteem and respect.
Walk In Your Power
Just know that self-esteem matters. Tell yourself that you are a good person, you deserve respect, you deserve kindness. If someone has drilled it in your head that you are anything less than magnificent, don’t believe it. Be brave enough to showcase that. It’s one thing if this starts in your childhood because when you are a child everything soaks in like a sponge. Children are impressionable. As you grow to be an adult you know the difference. The minute you assert yourself people will look at you like; who is this, is this really you, did you just say, that, did you just do that. It only takes one time to make a believer out of them. Don’t be afraid!
The pandemic has changed our lives in so many ways. People are going through so much. Some people have lost their jobs, they are being displaced from their homes, schools are closed, etc. Therefore, parents can’t go back to work because they don’t have childcare. There is a lot of domestic violence happening as well because families are stuck together every day. with mounting pressures. Food is expensive, housing is expensive and it’s not the easiest time to navigate, it’s not as easy to bounce back right now. This is a time of low morale for some. It is important that we walk in our power. Go and be around a person or people who are always upbeat. They always have a kind word; call that person up, text that person.
Lastly, please do not mistake self-esteem for arrogance, egotism and conceit. Having a high regard for yourself is not the same as having an inflated sense of self.
So, do you see why having self-esteem is important?
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