Shakira was getting ready for her special date. She had all her “accessories” lined up and ready to go. The wig that she just bought, the fake eyelashes and press on nails were all on the dresser in her bedroom.
Suddenly, as she is sitting there at the vanity, getting pretty she sees her teenage son in the mirror. He had just walked in without knocking.
He got scared at the sight of this “stranger” in his Mom’s room. There Shakira was without her wig, nails and lashes on. No make-up either. He ran out of the room and came back with a baseball bat. “Who are you and what are you doing here?!” he demanded. “Where is my Mom?”
Shakira stood up in her bra and butt pads, turned around to face him then he realized who she was.
She snapped at him, I done told you about coming in my room without knocking first boy! You don’t listen. Now you got me all riled up. I’m gonna be late getting ready for my date.
Totally embarrassed by walking in and seeing his mom that way, he just walked out and went back to his room. That’s a sight he wants to forget; sooner rather than later.
Lesson learned, never enter a room without knocking. You never know what you will find on the other side of that door.
Speaking to someone in passing
Saying, hello
They seem to just look over you
Like you aren't there
Asking a question
The silence creeps in
No one replies
Hello, is anyone there?
Being seen and heard
Not much to ask
Doesn't cost anything
No credit card or cash
Perhaps it's lazy lips
No need to part your mouth
In an effort, to be civil or kind
Just keep your head down looking south
Are you that self-centered
Too busy to speak
How does it feel when it happens to you
You are not so unique
Get out of your head
Come back down to earth
Live in the real world
Not in a fictional place instead
Too much of a burden to exchange a greeting?
To smile or wave to someone in passing
Just a simple gesture between people
Try it, it is not so fleeting
--O'Nika McGill--
Chasing away the chaos. Ever wonder when you turn on the TV if there will be good news? The war in Ukraine is still ongoing. Gun violence is still rampant. Gas prices are on the rise, once again. Food prices are steadily increasing. Housing costs are through the roof. Is there any relief in sight?
The chaos that goes on today poses a question about what to do to find some semblance of calm? One way to chase away the chaos is to stop watching the news. I can’t remember the last time I saw something good on the news. While it is imperative to stay informed about what’s going on, it is also sad and depressing.
Changing the world is no easy task but we can start with changing the way we see things. Look at things in a positive light and focus on that. It is very easy to fall into the negative zone and the gloom and doom takes over. Think of someone who always has something to complain about. Something is always a problem, or they are always, “in their feelings”.
Things may not be sweet all the time but there is always something positive in every situation. In some cases, people choose to focus on the negative aspect. Why is that?
Below is a previous article about inner peace. Maybe it will help with chasing away the chaos in your world. I hope it sheds some light and helps to turn things around for those going through a dark situation.
Check out Tha Du-Ja Show. This episode is about Mental Health.
Congratulations to Duquan Hicks and Aa-son Jasim for 1 year of their awareness podcast. Keep it up and much success to you both!!
Some of the topics they have covered include social injustice, dating, an interview with DJ Shakim, loose conversation, and the latest episode on Mental Health. Check out their YouTube channel, Tha Du-Ja Show to see other episodes. Enjoy!
It’s time for us to check some health exams off of the list. If we don’t take care of ourselves we certainly can’t take care of everything else in life. Being a woman comes with a lot of responsibility. We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we both look and feel good. Kids, family, career, spouse/significant other are all very demanding. We can handle it though. It’s not easy but we can do it. We have days when we might not feel up to it and that is ok. But, keeping up on our health is important. If we don’t feel well it affects our quality of life.
Physical Exam
A yearly physical exam is usually performed at your primary care physician’s office. The doctor will check your vitals, blood pressure, pulse, and listen to your chest through the stethoscope. Also, they check your ears and eyes as well. Some PCPs will perform a breast exam, if you request it. At the physical the doctor will ask you general health questions about any medical family history of certain illnesses. This helps the provider assess your risk of developing health issues. Also, blood tests and/or urine tests will be done at this visit.
Why get a physical exam?
It helps to find out if there are medical issues that need to be addressed. You can learn things about your body like whether or not you are anemic, in which case you might need to take some kind of iron supplements or get the needed iron from food. You might have high blood pressure or maybe your blood sugar is too high or low. Just simple blood tests can help you determine if your cholesterol is too high. This testing can also detect any problems with your kidneys. After learning what your blood results are you can start to take steps to improve your health.
Depending on what the results show it may be a matter of changing your diet and/or exercise. Some conditions may require medication. But having these yearly physical exams keeps you informed about your health.
Breast health is very important for women. A mammogram is a radiology test that takes images of your breast tissue. It can detect whether you have healthy breast tissue or breast cancer. The actual test is not the most comfortable but at least, in most cases, you only have to have a mammogram once a year. Your healthcare provider can specify how often you will need to have this performed.
If you notice any changes in your breasts, like their appearance or the way they feel, it is worth it to get checked out. Self-breast exams at home are important too. This way you know what is normal for you and if something feels off, you will be able to recognize it.
A gynecology exam is a pelvic exam to look at the reproductive organs. The exam can help to detect cancers like ovarian cancer or cervical cancer. Also, the gynecologist can visually look for any signs of thinning/thickening of the uterine lining. The vulva, vagina, uterus and cervix are the areas that will be examined. The provider can also see if you have fibroid tumors and/or any other abnormalities., like a cyst on the ovaries. A breast exam is also included in most gynecology exams. During this exam, a PAP smear is performed and sent to the lab. Usually, a gynecology exam is performed yearly and PAP smears done every 3 years, if normal. A PAP smear looks for any abnormal cells of the cervix.
Having a gynecology exam can be uncomfortable because a stranger is looking at the most intimate parts of your body. The reason it is important is for early detection of any serious illness. The sooner a potential problem is found, the sooner treatment can begin, if needed.
Eye Exam
For obvious reasons, eye exams are important. Good vision is essential if we are going to carry on in our day-to-day activities. Certain health conditions have an effect on our vision, so even more reason to have your eyes checked. Diabetes, high blood pressure, liver disease, sickle cell disease and shingles all play a part in how our eyes function. There are other factors too that contribute to poor eye health.
Malnutrition can also cause problems. If we are not eating right and getting the proper nutrients we need, it affects our overall health. Without the proper vitamins and minerals that we get from food, over time puts us at risk for developing macular degeneration.
Oral health is important. Especially, if you are a happy person and you like to smile a lot. You want your smile to be bright. Also, you want to have a healthy mouth and fresh breath. Routine dental exams are where we can start. Regular dental cleanings can detect any problems, like cavities, periodontal disease or maybe you have teeth that overlap and need braces.
We have all heard it; brushing at least twice a day, and flossing daily is the minimum we should do. Just pause and think about how often we actually floss… Brushing does not get all the “bad” things we need to reach between teeth. Flossing is a very important step but many of us skip this part or don’t do it as often as we should. I admit; I am one of these people.
If you notice swollen or red gums, bad breath, bleeding gums, these are all signs that something needs attention. Our oral health, if left unchecked can have negative consequences on our health. Inflammation in the mouth can let bacteria into the bloodstream and can lead to inflammation in other parts of the body. There is a correlation between gum disease and diabetes, heart conditions and respiratory problems.
You Matter
We only have one life to live so let’s make it a great one! In recognition of Women’s History Month, let’s do something for ourselves and keep our health in check. Now, if you are already up on all of these things, then you are definitely ahead of the game. Keep it up!
This is just for men; check yourself for good health. Let’s talk about it. This is for all the dads, uncles, nephews, brothers, sons and cousins. We all know that men pride themselves for being the protectors and providers of the family. You have to be strong. Yes, this is true to some degree. Because you are such an important part of the foundation of family, we need you to be around. We need you to be healthy, not just for family but for yourself. This is an appeal to you, to take care of your health before it is too late.
Put your testosterone aside. Leave the machismo at home for a minute. Drop the bravado. There are things that need to be checked for health reasons and longevity in life. Even if you do not have any symptoms and think that everything is fine; get a check up anyway. You may be thinking to yourself; I don’t need nobody poking at me, looking at things that ain’t none of their business. Please put that notion aside for a minute.
Ladies, please urge all the men in your life to get a check up.
Let’s look at some conditions that black men face.
Heart Disease and African Americans
African Americans are more prone to heart disease and are at higher risk for developing heart issues. 44% of African American men have some form of heart disease. Some other conditions that contribute to this are diabetes, hypertension, obesity and high cholesterol levels. Some ways to stay ahead of this is by getting regular check ups and knowing the specific health risks for you.
Check your blood pressure, blood glucose levels, and cholesterol. All of these things combined will give a better overall picture about your heart health.
Be pro-active and get more physical exercise, eat a healthier diet and drink more water.
Prostate Health and You
Please consider getting a prostate exam. Talk to your healthcare provider about your risks for prostate cancer. The earlier this condition is found the better the chances are for treatment. Prostate cancer is one of the most common forms of cancer among men. Also, it is one of the leading causes of cancer death in men. Especially, men of a certain age should consider talking to their doctor about this. Just because all of your parts are working does not mean everything is everything. Some types of prostate cancer have no symptoms at all. Compared to white men, the number of new prostate cancer cases in Black men is 60% higher.
Many black men face mental health disorders. Anxiety disorders, depression, mood disorders and PTSD; just to name a few. Some men were not taught how to process and express their emotional feelings. As a result, many start to feel angry, resentful and isolated. It may have something to do with holding things in and not wanting to be vulnerable. Also, within the black community there is distrust with medical professionals. This adds to the barriers of seeking professional help when needed. If you are a man who does not trust medical professionals, talk to someone you know and trust.
A lot of men feel the financial pressures of providing for their families. So, when money problems occur, they are hesitant to speak on this. Some are afraid that they may be perceived as being weak. It takes strength in order to want to get help and tackle the situation, rather than let it linger on and on. It helps to get it out. Talking about issues that you are facing can reduce anxiety and stress. It is okay to talk about these things without the stigma that exists within the black community. Therapy or counseling is a taboo subject in the black community. It is not something that is openly discussed and rarely brought up at all.
Diabetes and What to Know
Type 2 diabetes is more common in men compared to women. 90-95% of people with diabetes has type 2. Diabetes can lead to other problems with vision, kidney disease and heart disease. Type 2 diabetes is preventable and if you already have it, it can be managed with lifestyle changes, diet and/or medication. Poorly controlled diabetes increases blood sugar levels in the bloodstream.
Some ways to prevent diabetes
Drink plenty of water. The more water you drink helps to avoid intake of extra sugar from other drinks.
Get regular exercise. More physical activity helps to keep blood sugar levels under control. Choose activity that you like to do and something that you will stick with for the long haul.
Watch portion sizes and try to eat a low-carb diet. By lessening your carb intake your body will require less insulin to maintain your blood sugar level.
Some ways to manage diabetes
Monitor blood pressure- try to maintain a reading of 130/80 or below.
Check cholesterol levels-try to keep the LDL (bad level) less than 100 mg/dl.
Check hemoglobin A1C- this reading shows how well blood sugar is being managed in the body. A level of less than 7 reduces the risk of damage to eyes and kidneys.
As you can see, heart disease, prostate health, mental health and diabetes are very important things to monitor. These are real things that happen to real people. The sooner you keep tabs on your health, the better your chances are of improving your health. Remember, we need you to be around. To be here and healthy!
So, let’s talk about self-esteem and why it’s important. Self-esteem is how you see yourself. You are worthy and you know how to put a value on the person that you are. Self-esteem is very important because it is going to guide you in life, it drives your decisions. It is very important because with it, no one can try to make you feel small; well, they can try. Ultimately, you know that you are worthy and that is enough. Without it, you might think it is ok for someone to treat you badly.
I don’t want anyone to lose sight of their self-worth because that is something that no one can give you. It is something that you have to search within yourself to bring out. Realize your potential because without self-esteem things can go in a totally opposite direction and we don’t want that! We want to keep it positive! We want to keep ourselves uplifted! Unfortunately, even when you are minding your own business, at some point trouble will find you. So, it’s best to power up your self-esteem, I’m talking about positive self-esteem. Once you fully believe it you tell yourself; yes, I’m worthy of respect, love, and I deserve to be treated well. Once you tell yourself these things you will have a brighter outlook and the confidence to move ahead.
It is not enough to just think these things you need to speak it out loud. I mean to affirm these things when you’re alone or in trusted company. First, you have to think it, believe it and know it. Secondly, say it out loud. Vocalizing it gives you power. Lifting yourself up and speaking positive things about yourself is very helpful. Highlight some physical attributes. Say, I’m beautiful, I have a beautiful smile, I have beautiful eyes, I have nice legs, I have a beautiful personality or I’m a good friend. Affirm the things that you know you possess, whether it is a characteristic or something physical.
Self-esteem gives you empowerment. It gives you confidence. You will be invincible in the way that if someone makes a certain comment about you, it’s not going to ruin your day. Certain comments are not going to bring you down and turn your bright outlook into something negative There are people who will try to insult others, just so that they can feel better about themselves.
Remember that someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t validate who you are. Everyone has their own opinion and that’s OK. We are not going to be liked by everyone we encounter, it’s perfectly fine. The reason it is fine is because the people who belong in our lives are the ones who will stick around. They are going to be in our lives for more than a season.
Scenarios
If someone approaches you with an off the wall comment. It’s best to walk away or just kill them with kindness. Kill them with kindness. Even though your first instinct may be to punch them in the face. Come back with something nice about them. That’s all you have to do. Because they are not going to expect that. They will not know how to react. This will throw them off. You don’t even have to stick around to see their reaction just walk away. Another tactic is to ignore them, tune them out. OK, that is a skill that I have mastered myself.
There are bullies out there, both children and adults. The ones who never have a nice word to say about anyone. More times than not its because they feel inadequate about themselves. Don’t let them reign their negativity on you and ruin your day. Self-esteem prepares you and you exude confidence with your body language. Stand tall and hold your head up.
If you walk around with slumped posture and looking down, this is no good. People can pick up on that energy and then you become a target. You may be perceived as weak. Because you are showing that you are in a down mood people will prey on you. Even if you are in a down mood, do not let this show! It is especially necessary on these days that you may not feel so sure of yourself, that you show up and show out! Let the world know that you are ready and unstoppable. Walk with purpose!
With self-esteem you will not question when someone is nice to you. Everyone doesn’t have a hidden agenda. Everyone is not out to get you. Without self-esteem you question certain things. You think to yourself; why are they being nice to me? And I say, well, why not you? Of course, you deserve to be treated nicely, you deserve to receive love, you deserve respect. On the other hand, we have instincts or intuition so don’t let your guard down with everyone. We all know better than this. What I am saying is that when certain things happen to you that are good, embrace it, receive it. Don’t block your blessings!
The same exact thing can happen to me and my friend but it may take me two weeks to get out of it, it may take her three days. It’s different for everyone so we can’t measure our own healing or grieving process against others. What I’m saying is we have to move on, we have to get out of that at some point. We cannot stay in that state of feeling like we’re not deserving of certain things because it’s just simply not true.
Self-esteem helps us deal with people and/or relationships. You may have a toxic personality in your life and especially if it is someone who’s close to you, those may be the hardest ones to disengage from. Sometimes, you have to cut people off just to let them know that they are not going to speak to you any kind of way, they cannot treat you any kind of way. They may have been around for a while but you just have to do it. It is not going to be easy but it is necessary. If for nothing else, your own sanity, your own self-esteem and respect.
Walk In Your Power
Just know that self-esteem matters. Tell yourself that you are a good person, you deserve respect, you deserve kindness. If someone has drilled it in your head that you are anything less than magnificent, don’t believe it. Be brave enough to showcase that. It’s one thing if this starts in your childhood because when you are a child everything soaks in like a sponge. Children are impressionable. As you grow to be an adult you know the difference. The minute you assert yourself people will look at you like; who is this, is this really you, did you just say, that, did you just do that. It only takes one time to make a believer out of them. Don’t be afraid!
The pandemic has changed our lives in so many ways. People are going through so much. Some people have lost their jobs, they are being displaced from their homes, schools are closed, etc. Therefore, parents can’t go back to work because they don’t have childcare. There is a lot of domestic violence happening as well because families are stuck together every day. with mounting pressures. Food is expensive, housing is expensive and it’s not the easiest time to navigate, it’s not as easy to bounce back right now. This is a time of low morale for some. It is important that we walk in our power. Go and be around a person or people who are always upbeat. They always have a kind word; call that person up, text that person.
Lastly, please do not mistake self-esteem for arrogance, egotism and conceit. Having a high regard for yourself is not the same as having an inflated sense of self.
So, do you see why having self-esteem is important?
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