October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The theme for 2023 is Every1KnowsSome1. People in our lives may be in a domestic situation and we might not be aware of it. The situation is not evident, but DV happens more often than we think.
I would like to highlight a very serious and sensitive topic. Domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence. If you or someone you know is in an abusive situation, please consider getting help! Do not suffer in silence.
Know the signs
If you are being put down or called names and insulted
Partner tries to stop or discourage you from seeing friends and/or relatives. Doesn’t want you to go to work or school
Shows physical violence by hurting you, your children or pets in the home
Partner is possessive and always makes accusations of you being unfaithful
Apologizes for their bad behavior and says it won’t happen again
Tries to control what you wear and where you go
Please see the number and link for more information.
Behind the Screen of the Electronic Age (Audio only)
Once upon a time kids played outside. What happened to the days when kids talked to each other and made friends? The electronic age happened. The computer screen, tablet, cell phone screens all came into play. Back in the day, they didn’t have to know each other in order to play a game of hide and seek, jump rope, dodgeball, hopscotch, hand ball and the all the other games kids played. Since the internet and the electronic age, there is a lot less socialization. As a result, children have become too reliant on cell phones, tablets, computers and video games for their entertainment and socialization.
Everyone is behind a screen browsing the internet, watching videos and/or movies, texting or playing video games. No one talks to each other anymore face to face. It is crazy how you can have a room full of people sitting together but they are not talking to each other. Everyone has some kind of device in their hand staring at a screen. Not to mention people walking in the street looking like zombies with their phone in hand not looking where they are going. It’s dangerous, very dangerous!
Video Games
Video games provide some form of entertainment for kids. Kids need some kind of outlet. The problem comes in when they are on the game for hours on end. It is up to parents to limit the time spent playing these games. It hurts their vision the longer they use the game. It makes kids sit for long periods of time. As a result, they are not getting any physical activity. It lessens time spent in the real world talking and socializing in person.
The internet allows for accessing information quickly. No need to get in the car to go to the library to check out a book or look up something in an encyclopedia. Children can research information needed for homework and other school projects. The dark side to the internet is that there is so much information out there it is easy for kids to see inappropriate content. Just a few keystrokes and kids can be exposed to things that are not age appropriate.
Social Media
Social media, just like anything else on the internet has changed. In some ways for good and some ways bad. The good part of social media is that you can stay in contact with people who are across the country from you. You can find long lost relatives and friends without doing a lot of leg work.
Social media is also a good way to advertise your business. If you are a business owner, it is a great marketing tool. It is a lot faster than word of mouth advertising.
Social media is also a place where you can showcase your personal skills. If you have a hobby and create things in your spare time, what a better place to show that. You might be good at sewing and like to make clothes. Maybe you like to put outfits together and give people inspiration. You may be a good singer and want to post videos of yourself singing songs that you wrote.
You name it and you can do it on social media. There are so many platforms. Just keep in mind that there will be critics. When you put yourself out there, the critics will come. And, it’s ok. It’s ok because no matter who you are or what you do, there are always people hiding behind the screen. In my opinion, don’t write something about someone that you are not willing to say to their face. If you can’t say it in person, don’t write it.
Conclusion
The electronic age has made things easier for everyone. It is not all bad. You can accomplish a lot of things without leaving the house. It only gets problematic when too much time is spent staring at a screen. Especially, children who are so easily influenced. We need to be mindful and very watchful of what children view online.
The more time kids spend behind the screen, the less physical activity they get. This can result in them becoming overweight. They will lose much needed socialization skills the more time they are sitting on their computer and/or cell phones.
What can we do to get back to people and strike a balance between screen time and face to face interaction?
March 8, 2022 is International Women’s Day. This month is also Women’s History Month. Let’s celebrate each other ladies!! What a wonderful way to truly bring light to women all over the world. Oftentimes, we do not get the recognition that we deserve. We are women, mothers, wives, business owners, providers, educators, nurturers and then some.
Sometimes we are overlooked for certain career opportunities. We are paid less than men, but we are just as valuable. We contribute as many ideas, hours and truly bring value to the workplace. Women are often seen as the “weaker” sex. I’m here to tell you that nothing can be further from the truth. We are just as capable as men in the world.
Even though we are nurturers we also hold our own in many, many ways. We wear many hats and are stronger than we look; both mentally and physically. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Don’t sleep on us because we look a certain way. Women have the capability to adapt to situations and rise above adversities in life.
I encourage every woman to let their light shine and don’t be afraid to stand tall and DO YOU!! Don’t dumb it down just so that everyone around you can feel comfortable. No, be YOU in all your glory, beauty and brains!
We have a lot to offer and that is why as women we need to continue to lift each other up. Not just in times of need but in every way that we can. You never know who you can encourage and lift up just by your kind words, smile and advice.
Black history month is almost over but that doesn’t mean that we stop making history. This is America; after all. Just because it’s almost March does not mean we stop remembering the contributions made by the black community. After the month of February we are still here and doing great things. Black history should be remembered and celebrated all year long.
Being African American, Black, Afro-Latino, Black American, American or however you identify yourself comes with great responsibility. I’m talking about having to work twice as hard and prove yourself worthy just for a seat at the table. Let’s be clear; we belong at the table! Unfortunately, not everyone sees it that way. I’m talking about showing up and making sure that you don’t give people a reason to doubt who you are as a productive member of society.
I’m talking about making sure that as a black woman or black man you make people notice you and make your presence known. Stand up for what you believe in and make a difference. In doing so, you may not get recognition or a pat on the back. Don’t expect it because it’s not about that. You are using your gifts. That is satisfaction in itself. When you can say that you are holding your own in this world called America, that is enough.
We have done, are doing and will continue to do things that impact all people in a positive way. Not just the black community but the world as a whole benefits from the sacrifices and efforts made by the countless number of African Americans.
Harriet Tubman- She roughed it and helped so many out of enslavement. The Underground Railroad is how she helped a lot of people escape slavery. It was not an actual train but called underground due to the secrecy of the help she received along the way. Hidden compartments and secret hiding places is how she was able to make her escape and help others get away. Harriet Tubman braved the dangers for the betterment of black people. She was a soldier and very brave for what she did.
Malcolm X- By any means necessary! Does that sound familiar? If you have seen or heard him in action then you know he had a no-nonsense approach to the disparities going on at the time. He was not afraid to use a little muscle and manpower to get the job done. Malcolm X was a pillar of the Muslim community and fought for civil rights of his time.
Barack Obama- The 44th President of the United States of America. First African American president of the USA. This was not his first involvement in politics. He was also the senator of Illinois. During his presidency, Osama Bin Laden was located and killed. A terrorist who was on the run for many years. Also, President Obama turned the financial crisis around during his time in office. He brought back the troops from Iraq. Families were able to reunite. Unemployment numbers dropped also while he was in office. He helped businesses open up again and put people back to work. He truly believed his saying that, “yes we can”.
Martin Luther King, Jr- Dr. King who was also a prominent figure for civil rights, helped pave the way for so many. He had a non-violent approach in the way he handled things. Racial inequality, economic justice, voting rights were some of the things he fought for. It was Dr. King that said, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”.
James Edward Maceo West- It was his childhood fascination with taking things apart and then putting them back together, that later gave birth to his invention of the foil style microphone. In 1999 he was inducted into the Inventors Hall of Fame for the electret microphone. The technology used for the electret microphone can also be found in everyday items such as, telephones, camcorders, computers, hearing aids and other electronics.
Madam CJ Walker- She was the first black self-made millionaire in America. Hair care products is how she accomplished her success. Some of the money she made from her hair care products was given back to the community. She donated money for scholarships for women at Tuskegee Institute. Also, she donated money to various other charities.
Black History in America
Entrepreneurs, inventors, civil rights leaders and activists, freedom fighters are just a few who can be attributed to African Americans. As you can see, we have made strides in this country and will continue to do so in order for future generations to continue the legacy of black history in America.
If you are from the Jersey or New York scene and of a certain age, then you know there was a lot of great music from those times. Also, some movies influenced and helped bring recognition to the hip hop culture of the 80s and 90s.
Think back to Krush Groove, Breakin, Juice, Beat Street, Wild Style, New Jack City just to name a few. Back in the days of the 80s and 90s we also had break dancing, roller skating, and a host of other things that came together with the music. I mean skating with 4 wheels, 2 in the front and 2 in the back. Not the in-line skates. We listened to music on a beat box- a big radio that had a handle on top to carry around on the block or to take outside and sit on the steps. Also, we had what was called a walkman- which was a portable music player. We played music on cassette tapes and vinyl records. CDs came on the scene later on down the line.
When I think back to hip hop music of the 80s and 90s these names come to mind:
LL Cool J-14 Shots to the Dome
MC Lyte-Lyte As a Rock
3rd Bass-The Cactus Album
De La Soul- 3 Feet High and Rising
Chubb Rock- And the Winner is
EPMD- Strictly Business
Channel Live ft. KRS One- Mad Izm
Big Daddy Kane-Ain’t No Half-Steppin’
Mobb Deep-Survival of the Fittest
Cypress Hill-Black Sunday
Special Ed-I Got It Made
Big Pun -Still Not a Player
Queen Latifah-All Hail the Queen
King Sun- Righteous But Ruthless
Mad Lion- Take It Easy
Salt N Pepa-Hot Cool Vicious
Lil Kim-Hard Core
Foxy Brown- Ill Na Na
Brand Nubian-One For All
Nice and Smooth-Nice & Smooth
Run DMC-Tougher Than Leather
Onyx-Bacdafucup
Method Man- Tical
Public Enemy-Don’t Believe the Hype
Fat Joe- Jealous One’s Envy
DMX-It’s Dark and Hell is Hot
Mary J Blige-What’s the 411?
Missy Elliott- Supa Dupa Fly
The Notorious BIG- Ready to Die
Craig Mack- Flava in Ya Ear
The Lox- Money Power Respect
Nas- It was Written
Eric B and Rakim-Paid in Full
Jay Z-Reasonable Doubt
Snoop Doggy Dogg-Doggystyle
Tribe Called Quest-Bonita Applebum
KRS One-Return of the Boom Bap
Dr. Dre- The Chronic
Eminem-Slim Shady LP
Back in those days there was a sense of community. You could go out for the day with your family and hear some good music in the street. People would be on the train and bus with their boom box and you can jam all day long, no matter where you went. In Washington Square Park in NYC, you would see people out there skating, some with their headphones on and others listening to people playing music on buckets with their sticks. Families just out taking in the sounds and sights.
Liberty State Park in Jersey City, NJ was another place where you could go and chill with your family. Take in the view of the water, Staten Island Ferry and Lady Liberty. You could also find good street food back in those days too. Think Sabrett Hot Dogs and Grape soda.
Another place to go to hear good music was Exchange Place or the Waterfront in Jersey City. Also, on the water. It was much smaller but still you could get a good vibe and hear people playing music out there too.
Lastly, Central Park in NYC you could go there and walk around. Hear music, see people on their skates and riding bikes. Just having a jam session all day.
You didn’t even have to get on the train or bus, you can go on the block and hear some head bangers. If the music wasn’t coming from somebody’s radio you would hear it in cars driving by. It was an experience back in the 80s and 90s.
If you don’t know these artists, please look them up and listen. A lot of this music is still relevant today.
Hip hop music today is not the same. There is a lot of what I call “mumble rap”. Not to say that there aren’t some new artists out there that are good but it is just not the same.
RESPECT
Rest in peace to the ones who left their stamp on the Hip Hop Music Culture:
Jam Master Jay
Prodigy
ODB- Ol’ Dirty Bastard
Craig Mack
Biz Markie
Biggie
2 Pac
Big Pun
Phife Dawg
DMX
My memory is only but so long, so no dis to anyone that I forgot. If you can think of someone not on the list, leave a comment and let me know.
We all need help from time to time. There is nothing wrong with that. But; sometimes people try to take advantage of your good nature by trying to get you to do this and that for them. Instead of attempting to do something for themselves.
I am not talking about elderly people, small children or people who cannot physically or mentally do for themselves. I’m talking about grown adults.
When we help each other, it feels good. It’s a win-win situation for everyone. The problem comes in when the person on the receiving end tries to abuse the situation. It is at these moments when we have to pause and think. Sometimes it is best to show someone or tell someone the steps they need to take to achieve what they want. It might not feel like a good thing at the time, and you might feel like it is easier to just do it for them. Not in every situation. You have to create a balance. Only you know when you have reached that point.
When it comes to able bodied individuals, they have to learn to do some things for themselves at some point in life. Being an enabler and allowing people to drain you for this or that is not helping you or the other person. Life is about trial and error. The only way we grow and learn in life is to experience things. These things may not always be comfortable, but we get through it and keep it moving.
So, when do you stop and say enough is enough? Do you run yourself ragged until you have nothing left or do you recognize that this is too much and draw the line? Everyone is different and some people have a higher tolerance for others who may be more dependent. Some people may feel that if they stop doing something for someone else, it might cause hurtful feelings.
Relationships need communication. I know, I know how many times do we hear this? A lot. Even though we often hear how important communication is, how often are we actually doing it? In order to keep our relationship healthy and keep communication open, we have to talk to each other. We cannot assume our husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, significant other knows what we are thinking or how we feel. Do not expect your partner to work a miracle by whipping out the crystal ball to enter the depths of your brain. It is not going to happen. If you keep feelings inside and do not speak up for yourself, you will never get what you want in life. You have to advocate for yourself; if you don’t who will?
In a relationship, it is important to talk about the everyday things as well as the deeper issues. Every relationship will have its ups and downs. The best way to work through any problem is to talk. It won’t be easy all the time, but the important thing is that you hear each other. Not saying that you will always agree, but at least listen to each other. Obviously, you value this person, so at least take the time to listen to the other’s point of view. When you love and care for someone, you will want to give that extra attention.
When an issue comes up and you feel a certain way about it; speak on it. I know that everyone is not easy to talk to, but this is where you will have to be creative and find the best way to approach the situation. If you already know that a frying pan will be coming across the side of your head, obviously you want to talk in a public place. Do not attempt a difficult conversation at home when it’s just the two of you. This is, of course an extreme example.
Relationships=Affection
Affection comes in more than one form. It can be physical, spoken or by way of deeds. We are human and we all need love. If you are a tactile person; meaning you like the physical touch and are hands on, naturally you will be more prone to the physical form of affection. You may prefer to hold hands in public or at home while watching a movie. You may like to hug a lot. Maybe you like to kiss. Also, sex may be your primary form of affection. Let your partner know what you like. If you don’t, you may start to feel neglected when you don’t get those hugs or kisses, you might feel that your partner doesn’t love you.
On the other side of that, you may not be a touchy-feely person or affectionate at all. You might not like holding hands or being touched all the time. You may not enjoy the embrace of a hug. Whatever your style of affection, make it known to your partner. This goes back to communication. If you are not affectionate but your partner always wants to hug, you might feel smothered. We use affection as a way to show our love and attraction to our partner. Be it a physical or mental attraction. Often, it’s both physical and mental.
Affection can also be spoken. You can show your affection by giving your partner a compliment. Also, by being supportive of your partner’s successes and accomplishments are another way to show affection. Celebrating your partner’s wins, no matter how big or small. You may think the other person doesn’t notice or appreciate but it goes a long way.
Relationships come with some level of responsibility. Our actions can make or break a relationship. That’s why we have to come with some “act right”. If we own up to our …ISH and admit when we are wrong or may have made a misstep. it makes things a lot easier. We have to know that our relationship will only grow when we are making positive moves and treating our partner with respect. On the other hand, when we are not being respectful, we have to know that it will definitely cause static. Static that we might not be able to fix.
There is no such thing as a perfect person so there will be no perfect relationship. Taking responsibility for being respectful and trustworthy only adds to the value of the relationship. It makes the union last longer and more enjoyable for both parties involved. Take pride in knowing that you can hear the smile of your partner on the other end of the phone because they feel valued. Take pride in knowing that your partner wants to see you after a long day at work. The reasons are because you make your partner feel that you are present and you care and love them.
Being responsible means that you understand how to conduct yourself in a way that doesn’t offend your partner. If you are in the streets a lot and do not spend time together, that is not cool. There has to be a balance.
Relationships=Effort
Effort must be applied in a relationship or it will not stand a chance. Not saying that all relationships will be successful but you have to put some work in. Just like you show up for your job to ensure you get paid. Think of your relationship the same way. Put that work in! Put the conscious effort into your relationship like you would your job, but only the relationship is more fun and rewarding.
You know you are in a healthy relationship when you look forward to seeing your partner. When they call you, they can hear you smiling on the other end of the phone. You get excited to go home to your partner. If this is not the case for you just ask yourself, what can I do to make things better? What is missing in the relationship? One way to find out is to ask your partner. Maybe talk to someone you trust who may be able to give some good advice.
The one thing you don’t want to happen is to take each other for granted. Don’t just go through the motions. Put the electronics down and engage each other. Step away from the TV. Go for a walk together. Ladies dust off the lingerie. Fellas put on some cologne. Romance each other. Don’t be lazy with the sex. Your partner is not going to dig into their bag of tricks when you are not putting in effort.
Keep the Spice Going
Think back to when you first met and plan something that you both liked to do in the early stages of the relationship.
Go on a date night, maybe where you had your first date. If not the first date, then someplace different from where you usually go.
Tell your partner you love them.
Surprise your partner with a “thinking of you” card and write something in it. Yes, I said a greeting card from the store. And, yes, write something nice in your own writing. Be genuine with your words. (Don’t send a text, I see you :-))
Do something nice for your partner. It doesn’t have to be anything extreme. Give him/her a foot rub or body massage.
Cook a romantic meal complete with music, candles and lighting. You know what to do.
Just think back to what attracted you to your partner in the first place and go from there.
Surprise your partner with a gift, just because.
Take care of your relationship and it will take care of you.
This is just for men; check yourself for good health. Let’s talk about it. This is for all the dads, uncles, nephews, brothers, sons and cousins. We all know that men pride themselves for being the protectors and providers of the family. You have to be strong. Yes, this is true to some degree. Because you are such an important part of the foundation of family, we need you to be around. We need you to be healthy, not just for family but for yourself. This is an appeal to you, to take care of your health before it is too late.
Put your testosterone aside. Leave the machismo at home for a minute. Drop the bravado. There are things that need to be checked for health reasons and longevity in life. Even if you do not have any symptoms and think that everything is fine; get a check up anyway. You may be thinking to yourself; I don’t need nobody poking at me, looking at things that ain’t none of their business. Please put that notion aside for a minute.
Ladies, please urge all the men in your life to get a check up.
Let’s look at some conditions that black men face.
Heart Disease and African Americans
African Americans are more prone to heart disease and are at higher risk for developing heart issues. 44% of African American men have some form of heart disease. Some other conditions that contribute to this are diabetes, hypertension, obesity and high cholesterol levels. Some ways to stay ahead of this is by getting regular check ups and knowing the specific health risks for you.
Check your blood pressure, blood glucose levels, and cholesterol. All of these things combined will give a better overall picture about your heart health.
Be pro-active and get more physical exercise, eat a healthier diet and drink more water.
Prostate Health and You
Please consider getting a prostate exam. Talk to your healthcare provider about your risks for prostate cancer. The earlier this condition is found the better the chances are for treatment. Prostate cancer is one of the most common forms of cancer among men. Also, it is one of the leading causes of cancer death in men. Especially, men of a certain age should consider talking to their doctor about this. Just because all of your parts are working does not mean everything is everything. Some types of prostate cancer have no symptoms at all. Compared to white men, the number of new prostate cancer cases in Black men is 60% higher.
Many black men face mental health disorders. Anxiety disorders, depression, mood disorders and PTSD; just to name a few. Some men were not taught how to process and express their emotional feelings. As a result, many start to feel angry, resentful and isolated. It may have something to do with holding things in and not wanting to be vulnerable. Also, within the black community there is distrust with medical professionals. This adds to the barriers of seeking professional help when needed. If you are a man who does not trust medical professionals, talk to someone you know and trust.
A lot of men feel the financial pressures of providing for their families. So, when money problems occur, they are hesitant to speak on this. Some are afraid that they may be perceived as being weak. It takes strength in order to want to get help and tackle the situation, rather than let it linger on and on. It helps to get it out. Talking about issues that you are facing can reduce anxiety and stress. It is okay to talk about these things without the stigma that exists within the black community. Therapy or counseling is a taboo subject in the black community. It is not something that is openly discussed and rarely brought up at all.
Diabetes and What to Know
Type 2 diabetes is more common in men compared to women. 90-95% of people with diabetes has type 2. Diabetes can lead to other problems with vision, kidney disease and heart disease. Type 2 diabetes is preventable and if you already have it, it can be managed with lifestyle changes, diet and/or medication. Poorly controlled diabetes increases blood sugar levels in the bloodstream.
Some ways to prevent diabetes
Drink plenty of water. The more water you drink helps to avoid intake of extra sugar from other drinks.
Get regular exercise. More physical activity helps to keep blood sugar levels under control. Choose activity that you like to do and something that you will stick with for the long haul.
Watch portion sizes and try to eat a low-carb diet. By lessening your carb intake your body will require less insulin to maintain your blood sugar level.
Some ways to manage diabetes
Monitor blood pressure- try to maintain a reading of 130/80 or below.
Check cholesterol levels-try to keep the LDL (bad level) less than 100 mg/dl.
Check hemoglobin A1C- this reading shows how well blood sugar is being managed in the body. A level of less than 7 reduces the risk of damage to eyes and kidneys.
As you can see, heart disease, prostate health, mental health and diabetes are very important things to monitor. These are real things that happen to real people. The sooner you keep tabs on your health, the better your chances are of improving your health. Remember, we need you to be around. To be here and healthy!
Martin Luther King, Jr. was born on January 15, 1929. He was a very influential Black, civil rights activist. and minister. One of the things he was known for is the, I Have a Dream speech which he recited on August 28, 1963. He gave this speech at the March on Washington in D.C. This speech was a call to end racism and for civil and economic rights. His non-violent approach is something he was also known for, which was due to his Christian beliefs.
The Montgomery Bus Boycott was to his credit also. This boycott lasted for a little over a year and started in 1955. Rosa Parks was arrested during the boycott for not giving up her seat to a white person. This boycott came about in Montgomery, Alabama because of racial segregation on the public transit system. Black people had to sit in the back of the bus.
In October 1964, he won the Nobel Peace Prize. He was the youngest person to receive this honor.
On April 4, 1968 he was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee. Riots ensued after he was killed in cities all around the United States.
Martin Luther King, Jr. is the only non-president to have a national holiday.
In 1986 his birthday was observed in the United States as a federal holiday. Even though various states established his holiday as early as the year 1971.
Martin Luther King, Jr. positively changed the lives of African Americans, not only in his time but in many years after his death. People no longer have to sit in separate sections on the bus or drink from separate water fountains. He had a talent for bringing people together for a common goal. He was responsible for the Civil Rights Act and the Voting Rights Act, just to name a few.
King has afforded, not only African Americans, but also the world as a whole with a lot of advantages that we might not have otherwise known today. His tireless efforts to protest and fight for equality and rights has truly paid off. We still have a long way to go in society but some progress has been made.
Ok, ladies let’s talk about hair! If you have ethnic hair you will be able to relate. Some of us have been called nappy, some of us call our hair “bad hair”, some say you have thick hair, etc. Let us just embrace what we have. If you have ever asked yourself whether you should relax your hair or go natural, this might shed some light. Tackling the simple task of washing hair can be very time consuming without a relaxer. Detangling is a task in itself once it gets wet. Both relaxed and natural hair have advantages and disadvantages.
Having ethnic hair allows us to be versatile with the type of hair styles we create. Even though we can do a lot with this hair texture, the maintenance of it all is a challenge. Relaxed hair is easier to maintain and style but it can be flat and/or dry. I have had relaxed hair for as long as I can remember. I enjoyed being able to go out and not worry about the weather and if my hair got wet. It was also so simple and quick to wash and style my hair at home. Then I started to think about the harmful chemicals in relaxers. I started to wonder what it was doing to my body.
Relaxers can cause chemical burns to the scalp and/or skin, if not applied correctly. It can also do damage if left in for too long. You can also lose some hair as a result of improper application. Some of these products contain formaldehyde. If you have ever heard of formaldehyde, you know that this is probably not something you want in your hair. I’m surprised I still have hair left with the many years I have used relaxers.
On the other hand, wearing natural hair is no picnic either. It kinks up at the slightest amount of moisture in the air. You know that thing called HUMIDITY! Such an ugly word. 🙂 Depending on where you live in the country humidity can be a year-round thing. I would see some women leaving their scarf on to walk into work and then combing out their hair once inside. It takes a lot to keep natural hair intact.
Don’t get me wrong, there are harmful chemicals in other hair products that we use on a daily basis. Aerosol sprays contain harmful chemicals and other products can cause breakage on the hair. Some shampoo’s have harmful chemicals too.
We do have other options for our hair other than relaxing. Please don’t curse me out if you have a relaxer, I am not picking on anyone. We all have our reasons and we do what is best for our budget and our time schedule. It is a choice.
Let’s explore some other options and see which one fits you. As for me, I have stopped relaxing my hair for about 2 1/2 years and I am still getting used to how long it takes to get it to look halfway decent. I almost went back to relaxing. I am glad I changed my mind, even though it takes me longer to wash, condition and blow dry or wet set my hair. Right now, it is the best option for me.
Natural Hair
Natural hair is just that, no messy jheri curl juice (like back in the 80s), no caustic chemical relaxer, just what grows naturally from your scalp. The good thing is that there are different ways to wear natural hair. You can cut it low, twist it, braid it, wear it in an afro, wear it in the natural curly pattern or flat iron it for a straight look. If you want to have big hair, a fro is always a good choice. It gives lots of volume to hair. It also gives the woman who wears it some attitude!!
Wearing natural hair requires some extra time and patience. Of course, we must remember to moisturize and condition our hair. Very important step is to moisturize, moisturize and what… MOISTURIZE. Yes, that’s right! If we let our hair get too dry, it will cause breakage and look dull. Another tip to prevent breakage is to keep the ends trimmed. Trimming the ends keeps the hair from getting tangled and coming out with regular brushing and/or combing.
The bad part about wearing natural hair is that it is time consuming. Just to wash natural hair takes twice as long as it would if it were relaxed. Also, with natural hair you have to be careful not to get it wet. If it is raining outside we must have an umbrella or hood to cover our hair. Also, we have to be careful not to get it wet in the shower. Natural hair is a nightmare if your scalp sweats a lot too. It makes the roots and edges start to curl up and look nappy. You know the thing called, snap back! Who wants that?! Edge control gel is your friend!! Natural hair is not for those who do not have time or patience. It requires more trips to the salon, just to keep it looking fresh.
Let’s look at other things we can do with our hair instead of relaxing
Wigs
Wigs have come a long way. You can purchase virtually any style you want. The options are endless. Some wigs can be pricey, depending on the type of hair you buy but there are affordable choices. Wigs are also an option for women who may be affected by alopecia or a similar problem with hair loss. Believe it or not, women are affected by hair loss too. It is not just a man’s problem. Hair loss can either be hereditary or can be the result of how we manage our hair. Wigs are fun if you like to change your look often. You can find wigs in different lengths, colors and styles. Wigs are also a quick option when you don’t have a lot of time to spend on getting your hair ready. Wearing wigs also gives you a chance to try out a new hairstyle, before actually getting it cut.
Just a side note to treat your wig right. When you take it off don’t just throw it on the dresser or in the closet. Talk to it and give it a name. Once we name something, it becomes more personal. Be sure to detangle it with fingers and smooth it out before putting it to bed.
Weaves
Weaves can protect the hair, it’s what is referred to as one form of protective styling. These styles may take about 1 1/2 hours to install but is worth the time. If you get a basic sew in, your hair is braided down and then the extra hair sewn in. The time a weave will last depends greatly on how it is maintained, and the type of hair used. A touch up may also be needed at the salon. Try to keep it from getting wet, unless washing. Also, keep the tangles out. Weaves are also available in straight styles, wavy, curly, etc.
Extensions/Braids
Adding hair for braided styles is another option. You can pick the color you want, and you can pick how long or short you want the style to be. You can also style the braids in cornrows, twists, box braids, goddess braids, etc. Depending on how intricate the style is, it may take about 3-5 hours to install. If you get microbraids, plan for an additional 2-3 hours or longer. Putting braids in can last a minimum of 4-8 weeks. We have to remember to moisturize. It is important to remember that with braids, it affects our edges. The longer you keep the braids in and the more frequent you get hair braided will start to make the edges go away. It will affect your hairline, and not in a good way. It will start to recede. We must keep this in mind. There are so many cute styles and braids are so convenient, but the weight of the extensions and the tightness is what can cause problems in this area.
Hair Straightening/Blowout
If you are more into straight styles try hair straightening with either a flat iron or get a blowout. Hair can be straightened by using a flat iron or any heat appliance. Be mindful to use a heat protectant with any heat styling. You can achieve the look of relaxed hair without using the chemicals. Getting a blowout requires a lot of heat to the hair. This kind of styling can damage hair over time. Even though a blowout makes the hair look so silky and makes it flow. it is best to limit blowouts to prevent heat damage. The result of getting hair blown out is beautiful but like most styles comes with the risk of damage.
Relaxed Hair
Relaxed hair requires applying chemicals to hair. You can purchase a kit from the beauty supply store to apply at home or you can go to the salon for a professional look. Relaxers come in lye and no-lye formulas. Some of these relaxers have formaldehyde. You know, the stuff that funeral homes use. Depending on your budget, applying a relaxer at home is the cheaper way to go. Please follow directions included in the box.
Relaxing hair only needs a touch up about every 6-8 weeks. Also, it is easy to wash, condition and moisturize. It does not require a lot of time just to keep it maintained. Relaxed hair is also very manageable. You don’t have the worries about humidity and/or rain when outdoors. It is less of a hassle. At night, it helps to wrap the hair and tie it down. Using a silk scarf is best because cotton will take the hair out.
Conclusion
If you have ever asked yourself if you should relax your hair or not, you have to decide what method works best for you. I hope I have shed some light and helped you get closer to making the decision. There is no right or wrong way to wear your hair. It is a personal choice. I am just bringing some awareness to the good and bad of using relaxers. Yes, we pay the price for beauty. So, no matter what you choose, you are beautiful!
Today, January 6th is Three Kings Day! Today is also known as Epiphany or El Día de Reyes. I just want to take a minute to recognize today since I am Boricua too. Although, I am still learning about the traditions of this holiday. I have my Titi in Puerto Rico to thank for keeping me up to date with the culture. This day marks the end of the Christmas holiday celebrations. Three Kings Day is celebrated in Mexico, Spain, Puerto Rico, Argentina and Peru, just to name a few.
As you can imagine, the celebrations involve family. It also involves gifts for the children. During this holiday some traditional dishes are arroz con gandules, pasteles, and roasted pork. Add to that, Puerto Rican eggnog which is called Coquito (little coconut). Another tradition is caroling (parrandas) while singing aguinaldos or Christmas songs. Some musical instruments used during a parranda are maracas, guitar, cuatros and guiros. Wepa!
Welcome back to Can You Answer This? I will start this off by answering the question. Is forgiveness or justice more important? I would definitely say that it depends on the situation. If you are on the receiving end of a crime, justice may be the first and only thing that comes to mind. I say that because if someone has committed a crime against you, of course you want them to pay for what they did. It sets the tone for others to think twice before doing the same thing, when a person or person(s) are prosecuted for their misdeeds. Some people learn from this, but others don’t. This is not a perfect world so we cannot be surprised by what we see going on.
If the crime only involved material things and something was stolen, then forgiveness comes into play. Things can always be replaced. On the other hand, if the crime involved losing a loved one then justice needs to prevail. Sadly, a lot of these cases do not end in justice.
Forgiveness is not only for the person who committed the crime but also for the victim. If someone has hurt you in some way and you choose to forgive, it has an advantage to you too. That advantage is that it lifts some burden and stress from your life. When we forgive, it allows us to move on and not let it hold us back. I’m not saying that we forget what happened but it gives us some level of peace to be able to forgive. If we want others to forgive us for our mistakes, we must forgive too.
Just a quick note to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! The year 2021 is coming to an end and it went by so fast! This time of year brings some nostalgia with all the shopping, gifts, get-togethers and festive events. Let’s not forget the good food.
Things have been a little different with Covid-19 and it has put some of those get-togethers and events on hold. Even still, being with loved ones; family, significant others, and friends is still very important. Let us not forget our fur babies too.
If you have not spoken to someone for a long time, reach out. Call, text, email. We never know how long we will be here on earth. If someone has been on your mind a lot lately but you are afraid to call or see them, just do it. It might change your life in a good way. Even if it doesn’t at least you will not go on wondering; what if. At least you tried.
The year 2022 will bring new adventures and some challenges. We will embrace and welcome the adventures. We can face those challenges head on with a smile and confidence.
Whatever your holiday traditions are I wish everyone the best. Have a good time and enjoy friends, family and good food. Be safe and I wish everyone a prosperous and healthy new year.
Teaching our children the value of money is about providing the tools they will need as they grow up. One of the basic things we know about money is that it does not grow on trees. Kids don’t think about that when they want something. All they know is gimme, gimme, gimme while they have their hand out. As parents, we have seen this all too many times. It is up to us as parents to educate our children about the value of money.
A conversation needs to happen with our children so they know and learn about financial responsibility. I don’t mean we need to sit down and go over the bank ledger or spreadsheet of all the household monthly bills. After all, they are kids, they are not interested in this. But, they do need to know the basics. I must confess that I did not do this with my child. Looking back, I wish I had. That doesn’t mean it is too late for some of you.
A simple way to do this is when we are shopping at the grocery or department store. If they see something that is not in the budget or on the list, they want it right? Well, that is when we have to first, learn to say no. We have to let them know that everything on the shelf is not for the taking. Maybe today they cannot have that shirt or snack but the next time; maybe.
Secondly, we must also let them know not to spend everything they have, just because they have it. Save some money for a rainy day. Just because you have $150 does not mean that you should spend it all. Save a portion of this so that you will always have something in your pocket.
Ways to teach children about money
GET A PIGGY BANK
A piggy bank is a good start depending on the age of the child. But, for an older child they may want to use something else. A shoe box, canister, or an envelope. Anything they feel comfortable stashing their money in, let them choose. Encourage them to count their money at least once a week. This will build excitement and they can see how much their money is growing. Let them know also, that not everyone needs to know where their money is or how much they have.
GIVE AN ALLOWANCE
An allowance does 2 things. The first thing is that it teaches the child responsibility. They know in order to get their allowance they have to do something, like chores around the house. They are not just being given money. Secondly, it gives them a sense a pride to know that the money they are getting is because they worked for it. Anything they use the money for will be more meaningful to them.
TAKE YOUR CHILD TO THE BANK
Going to the bank lets them see how bank transactions work. This way they will know how to make a deposit and/or withdrawal. I know this sounds simple but there are some out there who do not know how to complete a bank transaction. Alternatively, you can open a bank account in your child’s name and show them how to balance their account.
LET THEM SHOP WITH THEIR MONEY
When making a purchase, let them use the money that they have saved. When they realize that they are using the money they earned, they might be a little more selective about how much they spend and on what they spend their money. It may give them a healthier overall attitude about spending. When they learn that Mom and Dad are not just going to buy something for them, they will cherish the item more and be smarter about what they buy.
EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF PAYING WITH CASH
Instead of credit cards pay in cash. I know you are thinking, kids don’t have credit cards. Well…some do but that is for another discussion. This is just something to mention to them in their early life, to prepare them for later. Hopefully, they will remember this lesson. When paying with cash you can only spend up to the amount that you have on hand. You cannot overspend for something that you know may be overpriced. Also teach them to comparison shop. At the grocery store have them compare the same or similar products and not just grab the first one they see. Most times, the more expensive products will be at eye level and the easiest to find. This is what the retail giants want us to do as consumers.
Do’s
Do encourage paying with cash- this helps to prevent overspending
Do take care of personal belongings- taking special care and pride will make things last longer and keep them looking newer longer. You never know when/if you will get another
Do shop around for the best price- always check other options available for the item you are looking for
Do stress the importance of counting change after each transaction before leaving the counter
Don’t just buy the first item you see on the shelf-Compare prices or look for sale items
Don’t spend all the money you have- Save a portion and spend wisely
Don’t be careless with your things. Put things away in their proper place so that it does not get damaged
Don’t loan an amount of money that you cannot afford to give away- We don’t always get paid back the money we lend; so be sure what you lend you can afford and not be adversely affected if you don’t get the money back
So, what do we know? We know that money does not grow on trees, someone has to work to bring that money into the home. Children need to learn this. I’m not saying to never, ever again buy anything for them. All I am saying is to help them understand the value in what they receive.
Kids also need to know that when they are being given something, to take care of it. Don’t treat it like tomorrow they can just get another one. When we see them taking pride in receiving then we are more inclined to give a little more. If a child demonstrates that they appreciate what they have by being responsible with it and taking care of it, this is always a good thing.
Another thing they should be taught is that money is not always about spending. Keep some in your pocket. We are not trying to keep up with the Joneses. Just because your friend down the street bought something new, so what!! You mind your own pocket. That new pair of shoes or new video game will be out of style soon. Keep your pocket full. Keep your pocket full.
What is something that you were once afraid of but are not scared of now?
This can be a fear of spiders or a fear of flying, or maybe you are afraid of heights. Some people are afraid of clowns. Anything that comes to mind that you have overcome. It can be something funny or something serious. Anything you would like to share. Please tell us how you overcame this fear. It might help someone else out there who is experiencing the same thing.
I will start off with… (but don’t laugh)
Michael Myers from Halloween. I was traumatized as a child! You hear me; TRAUMATIZED by Michael Myers when this movie first came out. (I see you laughing).
It took me years, but I realized that this is a fictional character. He is not hiding in my closet or standing behind the curtain. I forced myself to watch him in the Halloween movies, even though I was terrified! The scariest thing about him was the mask and the music from the movie.
Now, I love Michael Myers. He is my favorite scary movie character 😉
