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Can You Answer This? Is Lack of Eye Contact Narcissistic?

Can You Answer This? Is Lack of Eye Contact Narcissistic?

Why don’t you look at me? I’m talking to you.

Eye contact is an essential part of communication. It is a non-verbal way to connect with each other. As vital as it is for effective communication, it is sometimes overlooked. No pun intended. How much importance do you place on the use or lack of eye contact in conversations? Do you prefer people to connect via eye contact or the averted look?

Some people feel uncomfortable making eye contact or when someone looks at them too intently. Shyness is one reason why people may avoid eye contact. I’m sure if you ask around you will get varying reasons of why people prefer not to make eye contact. You may think it is rude or downright disrespectful. Anxiety or nervousness are also causes for this type of avoidance.

Lack of eye contact is a tactic of narcissistic individuals. Not to say that everyone who avoids making eye contact is a narcissist, as there are many reasons for this. It is used to up play the narcissists feelings of importance. By avoiding eye contact while speaking with others shows that they are not interested in making a true connection with the person to whom they are speaking. It makes them feel superior with a thought such as, “I do not need to look at you, I am above you”.

Weigh in on this and share what you feel on this topic.

As always, thank you for reading.

Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

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Self Awareness Topic Words of Wisdom

Nappy and Happy; a Renewed Perspective

Nappy and Happy; a Renewed Perspective

Photo by SUNDAY II SUNDAY on Unsplash

Nappy and happy; a renewed perspective describes the sentiments of better health and vitality. The crown, better known as our hair, is something that most women pride themselves about. It is a part of who we are and our identity. Arguably, too much emphasis is sometimes put on hair. Depending on your heritage and upbringing you may agree or disagree on this subject.

Putting hair over health is something that happens often but no one acknowledges that fact. Personally, I have seen many times that physical health/self-care takes a back seat due to not wanting to “sweat one’s hair out”. Sweating your hair out, is not welcome because you invest a lot of money and time into your hair. Why then would you risk messing it up with sweat from physical activity? You know, the kind of activity that is essential to long life and health. Why on earth would anyone want to do that? Crazy right?

Renewed Perspective

If you are someone who has decided to incorporate more physical activity and exercise into your life, you understand the benefits of doing so. Being healthy, feeling good, getting in shape and knowing that exercise/physical self-care is important is a hard pill to swallow for some. The healthier you become the happier you are too.

Personally, I have begun to make self-care a priority, instead of an option. Inconsistency with exercise was the road I travelled. Knowing that life is short, and I have no idea how long I have to be on earth is why I can say that I am nappy and happy. Of course, you can get hair styles that are more friendly with working out and are easy to maintain. For me, I would rather have improved health and vitality than great hair and bad health.

What is your take on great hair versus bad health? Do you feel that we can only have one over the other or both great hair and great health? How do you take care of your crown while maintaining good health?

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Topic Words of Wisdom

Diverse and Beautifully Made

Diverse and Beautifully Made

Diverse and beautifully made with 
Blemishes that confirm your true existence
Extravagance with your style of dress
Authenticity in the way you deliver grace
Unapologetic in your conviction for life
Thoughtful when expressing strong opinions
Intentional in your approach to love and kindness
Flawed only to those who do not understand you
Unique in your lens to the world
Lavishly, loving life and doing it all with a smile
Diverse and beautifully made, that's you, with all
These colorful qualities wrapped into one

Image credit: Tom Barrett on Unsplash

Diverse and Beautifully Made is written in response to the prompt by Sadje, What do you see #243

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Can You Answer This? What is the Best Place You Have Travelled?

Can You Answer This? What is the Best Place You Have Travelled?

Travelling

Name a place that you have been to that you really enjoyed. What did you most like about it and would you travel there again? Was it the culture, the food, the scenic views, music, people, etc…

Image by 宅-KEN from Pixabay

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Topic Words of Wisdom

Quote of the Day-Life

✴︎ Life is a Gift

“Never forget to enjoy and bask in every moment that you are in.

Author Unknown

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Self Awareness Topic

Back to Basics, Why Representation is Important

Back to Basics, Why Representation is Important

Back to basics, why representation is important takes a look at how we represent ourselves. I do not mean in a court of law but in general day to day life. We say so much without speaking a word. Just by how we present at the first outward appearance. Like it or not, we are judged before we utter a single word. However, I do not agree that we should be judged in this way, it does happen.

It brings to mind the saying, “do not judge a book by its cover”. I agree that one should not be judged by how we appear. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. People form an opinion of us within the first few minutes of meeting us even before we say our name. Which is why I think bringing it back to basics is important.

Take the Time

Take the time to iron or steam clothing before leaving the house. It doesn’t require a lot of time to do this. It is one of those small details that sometimes gets overlooked and seen as unimportant. Presenting yourself in ironed or steamed clothing sends the message that you do care and you took pride in how you represent yourself.

If you show up to an important meeting or appointment and are in wrinkled clothing, do you think you will be received well? Take the time. The person(s) you are meeting may perceive you as being lazy, unprepared, or incompetent.

Leave the Bonnet Behind

Leave the bonnet behind when going outdoors. The bonnet, head scarf, head wrap, whatever you like to call it is meant to protect and preserve your hair while sleeping. Wearing this outdoors is not a good look. Just imagine you slept in the bonnet then go out shopping. When you get back home, you will sleep in that same bonnet and bring all those pollutants back into your house and into your bed.

It also sends the message that you weren’t too bothered or concerned with combing your hair or putting it in a ponytail. We want to be taken seriously and showing up anywhere but the hair salon or hospital with that bonnet on is not the way. Medical and religious reasons are excluded for the purpose of this post. Back to basics, take the time. Even if that bonnet matches your outfit, leave it at the house. This is not a fashion accessory.

Sleepwear; Oh Dear!

Sleepwear like pajama pants is made for sleeping. So many people are outside wearing pajamas at restaurants, shopping, appointments, etc. You slept in those and went to an establishment and are going back into your home and will sleep in those same PJs. It only takes a few minutes to put on apparel meant for the outdoors. Yes, they are comfortable but when you are seen outdoors in PJs it sends the message that you just woke up and went out without the proper basics.

Although, we do not sleep in our bed slippers I have to add this to the list. Slippers like the fuzzy pink or black ones with the toes out are meant for the house. I know you just got your toes done and you want to show them off. Throw on some sandals or flip flops. Also, the cute fluffy animal slippers. Those slippers ae cute in the house not outdoors picking up all kinds of dirt and germs that you track back into the house.

The Basics

The basics are simple and short steps we can take before presenting ourselves to the world. We are human and no one is perfect. We can bring it back to basics with these small details. There are times we will skip certain things for various reasons. We might not feel well, or wake up late for work, etc. We must give ourselves grace.

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Topic Words of Wisdom

Choose Love and Drop the Ills

Choose Love and Drop the Ills

If you are ready to drop some ill talk or action on someone, stop and drop some good will or cheer instead. For example, if you are about to say something foul to someone, especially someone that you love or who loves you. Stop and say something nice instead. It can be so easy to take those closest to you for granted. Those closest to us, sometimes do not get the best of us. This is because we figure, I see this person on a daily basis, so I do not have to be on my best behavior or give my all.

If you are going to say something that you know is hurtful to your loved one, give a complement instead. Forget about the argument you just had. Let it be. After you have decided to say something nice and complementary, it will make the other person feel good and you will feel better as well. Try it. What do you have to lose? Ok, I will tell you. By saying something positive about someone, you lose stress and anxiety. Ill feelings that increase cortisol in our bodies. You want to release dopamine and endorphins, the feel-good hormones.

Lose the negativity and grudge feelings. Love rules over everything. Be slow to anger and quick to love. Becoming angry is so easy and that is exactly why we must challenge ourselves. Embrace love and forgiveness.

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Blended Families and Discipline Rules

Father’s Day Series, Part 3.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. Please know that you are seen and appreciated for all that you contribute and do for your children. The dads who take the responsibility seriously and do what they need to, in support and love of their children. I hope you smile today and every day knowing in your heart that you are special, important, loved, needed and cherished.

Blended families and discipline rules

Blended families exist and they can be rewarding but also come with some demands. Meaning, that the non-biological parent in the family may face some opposition when trying to discipline a child in the home. The child may feel like they do not have to abide by rules of someone who is not their biological parent. You know how defiant kids can be. So, that brings the question of what the rules are with discipline. Is it okay for a parent other than the biological mother or father to discipline a child?

One thing I think most of us can agree on is that children require discipline. The method of discipline varies greatly and is a personal preference. Nonetheless, it is a necessary part of a child’s growth and development.

Some families are blended, and some are strictly nuclear. As such, it creates a situation where the biological parent is either the mother or father but not both. I pose the question of whether or not it is okay for a man or woman other than the biological parent to discipline the child?

Let’s look at dads who take on the responsibility of another man’s child with his girlfriend or wife. Do you feel that he should have a say in what the child does and whereabouts of the child? Should he be concerned with things relating to household chores, school and extracurricular activities? At the very least, he should feel respected by the child, no matter what. After that I think if he helps support the child, he should be able to apply discipline strategies. Whether that means taking away privileges, punishment where they are restricted from certain activities or getting a beating.

What’s Your Take?

In my opinion, I believe that the parents should come to an agreement and understanding of what that discipline should look like. And stand firmly on that without veering away from those rules. Of course, it will be different for every household but as long as the parents of the house are on the same page, I think it is possible for blended families to work and it can be so rewarding. What do you think?

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Do Fathers Get the Credit They Deserve?

Father’s Day Series, Part 2.

Do Fathers Get the Credit They Deserve?

The countdown is on. Only 1 week left to show those men how much they are appreciated. Do fathers get the credit they deserve? Fathers are very important and sometimes they do not get their deserved credit. People may say that they are supposed to be there for their children and take care of them. Indeed, but why not give them their flowers too?

Afterall, we all want to feel appreciated right? Yes, we do.

In honor of those special men, think about what they mean to you and the role they play in your life. What is special about your father that stands out and makes you want to extoll him? I’m sure you can come up with a few. Thinking about the moments in life that you and your father shared, how can you express your appreciation? Make sure that he knows what those moments mean to you. Additionally, remember to extend that gratitude long after June 16, 2024.

Is there is a memory or time that you most cherish with your father? It would be nice to recreate that moment and relive it all over again. If you cannot physically be with your dad, call him up and reminisce about that memory. I’m sure it would make him smile to know that you remembered it too and cherished the time just the same, if not more.

Dads don’t ask for much, they just want to know that their efforts are not in vain. It is nice to get a ‘thank you’ from someone. It lets them know how much they enjoyed an event or moment spent together. Although, we think they already know how we feel, nonetheless, say it anyway. Even if your dad is not be the sentimental type, and he likes gifts and/or gestures instead. Well, do that. He might want something as simple as watching a sporting event on television. He might want you to just spend time with him. And for the dads who like to receive gifts, make it possible for him. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant.

Some ideas to get you started on a gift that your dad will love:

  • Music lover- headphones or earbuds
  • Formal dresser- new tie, cologne, or cuff links
  • Carpenter types- new drill or tools for his tool box
  • Business man- new briefcase, new desk accessory, monogrammed pen set
  • Sports fanatic- tickets to a sporting event, personalized sports gift

Do fathers get the credit they deserve? What are your thoughts on the subject? Leave a comment and share your opinion.

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Topic

What Qualities Make up a Good Father?

Father’s Day Series, Part 1. What Qualities Make Up a Good Father?

Father’s Day this year, in 2024 is on June 16th. You still have time. Do not forget about this celebration. Fathers are very important and are a much-needed part of society and family. Sometimes, they do not get the recognition and are not celebrated like they should be. There is time to change that.

Also, the month of June is Men’s Health Awareness Month. Urge the men in your life to get a checkup. Even if they feel fine. Some medical conditions do not show up by symptoms and they may feel ok. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Part 1 of the Father’s Day Series is about what qualities make up a good father. A loving man who demonstrates the love of their child, a good listener, the man who shows interest in their child’s goals in life. Discipline and structure are also important.

Is it the one who is there emotionally and physically? The one who listens and talks to their children. The man that attends extracurricular activities. The one who actually spends time with their children.

Or is it the one who provides financially. He is the one who can buy clothes and food. Provide a home. But he is not around. He doesn’t invest time and/or effort. The father who writes the check but is absent otherwise.

What do you think is more important?

Of course, the child’s basic needs should be met. Is it too much to ask that the father provide and be there emotionally?

Fortunately, there are men out there that do just that. It doesn’t matter if the child lives in the same household or not. The man makes an effort to see his children and provides financially too.

June 16th let’s not forget Father’s Day. The day is coming up, there is still time. Show the dads out there that they matter and are loved and appreciated.

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Self Awareness Topic

Mental Health and Well Being

By now, most of you know that the month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month.  It is the time of year when we check in on our wellbeing. This includes psychological, emotional and physical health.   

What exactly is Mental Health? It is how you feel on a daily basis.  Your overall state of mind.  Are you happy, sad, depressed, feeling anxiety, etc.  Our state of mind determines how well we can adapt and deal with challenges that come our way.

Please know that mental health are two words that are healthy and not dirty words. Some people shy away or feel like those are forbidden words. The more we embrace the concept the better we can understand it. It can lead us to learn more about ourselves and learn to open our minds and hearts.  

How about we assess how we are doing mentally?  I propose an assignment for the next few days.  Keep a journal of how you are feeling. You can use your cell phone or write it in a journal, whichever you choose.  Note any events that caused a change in mood.  An event that made you happy or something that was stressful.   

The purpose is to take note of your general state of mind so that any concerning areas can be addressed.  Depending on how far or deeply you want to go, you can pursue counseling, behavior modification and lifestyle changes.  Try exercising, a change in your eating habits.  Getting on a regular sleep schedule.  Engaging in things that make you most happy.  If that means more social outings, then just do it! Get out more, socialize with friends, family, colleagues.  Your happy place might look very different in comparison to others. You might be most happy at the gym, working out or joining a Yoga class.  Maybe you are a dancer and like to join a Salsa class. 

Mental Health Awareness

  • A-Ask yourself the question, “How am I really feeling?”
  • W- Wake up with a spirit of hope
  • A- Aim to find the positive things in your day
  • R- Relax and be kind to yourself
  • E- Exercise forgiveness of others and yourself
  • N- Negativity has no place in your life
  • E- Express gratitude, be thankful
  • S- Say no when your plate is too full, and you are overwhelmed
  • S- Start looking at the glass as half full and build on that

The month is almost over but that does not mean that we should stop caring about our mental health. We need to be aware of our overall well being all year long. Start today and see what a difference it makes.

Within you is the power to control your happiness.  

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Topic Words of Wisdom

Luminous Ones

Luminous ones
Flying high above
Breath escaping lungs
Beautiful, beautiful belove

Spreading light into the dark
Shards of lightness lend a spark
To an otherwise blind sky
Your brightness leading the eye

Helping to make things clear
Letting the night lift the fear
Accompanying the moon, you are near
When the sun goes down, luminous ones appear

The night no longer scary
Look up and you discover
Concerns of danger are nary
No longer lurking, no room to hover

Luminous ones, luminous ones
So dear to me, flying so light and free
Teaching many to see the bright side
It’s always there, use your cre a ti vi ty

Luminous Ones is written in response to Sadje’s picture prompt.

Image credit: Leon Contreras on Unsplash

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Cracking the Concrete Stone

Image Credit: Marianna Smiley on Unsplash
Concrete outer shell
So hard and cold
Full of cracks
From head to toe

Break through
Will quickly reveal
The hardness is hollow
Not as solid as it seems

Beneath the facade
Softer inner core
Unveiled and vulnerable
Out there for all to see

Hardness uncloaked
Softness appeared
With eyes closed
It's difficult to see

Widened pupils recognize
Duality unfolds
Revealing what's underneath
The crackling concrete stone

This writing is in response to the picture prompt by Sadje.

Categories
Self Awareness Topic Words of Wisdom

10 Reasons to Say, Thank You

10 Reasons to Say, Thank You

The words thank you come with so much gratitude and humility. Two words that are often overlooked and underused. I have found 10 reasons to say thank you.

10 reasons to say, thank you are:

Opening your eyes in the morning- you are able to live and see a new day

When someone holds the door open for you- it shows that there are
still courteous people out there

Receiving a compliment- the kind words may have been
just what you needed that day

Reaching into the refrigerator and finding something for
nourishment- a simple pleasure of life often taken for granted

When you really need someone to talk to and they answer the phone- you can now discuss what is on your mind and gain some valuable insight

When you have a reason to smile- life is short, relish those
moments

Having a friendly person who is willing to lend a listening ear-you can now vent and get something off your chest instead of internalizing it

When you have someone to share your life with- companionship is
very valuable and should not be taken lightly

Finding comfort in those closest to you- it is nice to have someone who can comfort you just by simply being in their presence

When you can find laughter even during those difficult times-
these are the times when laughter is the best medicine

I don’t know about you, but I can keep going with the list. How many more reasons can you come up with? Personalize the list and add to it or take some things away. Use it on a daily basis. Choose the ones that are most important to you.

As always, thank you for reading.

Categories
Topic Words of Wisdom

Sisterhood in Mourning

Is Sisterhood a thing of the past? 
Judgements and criticism
Are the reasons I ask
Maybe it is due to stigmatism

Why not encourage and support
Things that can only uplift and empower
Let's form a coalition and abort
Foul behaviors of those who cower

At the thought of us celebrating each other
Knowing that love conquers all
Lifting sister’s up one after another
Silently they are hoping that we will brawl

Congratulate your sister, do not frown
Judge not your sister, hold your horses
Let us not divide with in-fighting, settle down
Already are we deemed unfit by outside sources

Incapable of being amicable to our kin
Women, sisters, confidant and friend
I ask again, is sisterhood a thing of the past?
Something so vital cannot come to an end