Success means something different for everyone. The measure of success varies greatly from person to person. Some may feel successful by obtaining material things. The next person may measure success because they have achieved a goal that they set for themselves. You may be a success due to overcoming something that was out of reach. Wealthy people may say they are successful due to the size of their bank account.
In the digital age, there are many people who measure success by the number of followers they have on social media. Musicians are successful when they have topped the charts or surpassed a certain number of sales.
Success can be as simple as providing for yourself. Working, by either self-employment or a company is a way to have success. Securing a place to live, being employed, having a vehicle. Continually meeting personal milestones is another way to measure success.
Kinesics or better known as non-verbal communication. This includes facial expressions, body language, and posture. Whether we know it or not we communicate in many ways. It may just be habit and it can also be intentional. Let’s look at some ways that we communicate without saying a word. Tone of voice is another way to express our emotions.
Folded arms can be interpreted as being close minded, or anti-social, disinterested or aloof. When we see people with their arms folded, we view them as unhappy or defensive. In reality, that person may just be cold and are folding their arms trying to stay warm. Are you buying it? Well, it could be true. Since we are not mind readers, we will never know.
Smiling
A smile tells a lot. If you see someone with a smile on their face it would indicate that the person is happy. They do not have to say a word. It is all over their face. You can even also read a smile in a telephone conversation. Smiling is seen as a positive gesture and would indicate that someone is approachable, happy, open and nice.
Did you know? Smiling relieves stress and elevates mood.
Eyes looking downward
In conversation, a person who avoids eye contact and looks down may be deceitful. They are hiding something. If their eyes shift downward when asked about something or talking about something uncomfortable, watch the eyes. Downward eyes can also indicate someone who is embarrassed or ashamed.
Standing up straight
Good posture, such as sitting or standing up straight shows confidence. You are occupying space in a positive way. Slouching, on the contrary may show boredom or disinterest. It can also indicate that one who is slouching is tired.
Hand on the hip
Gesturing with hands on the hip can be seen as a challenge. The person showing this sign may be upset or defiant. This is usually not a positive non-verbal gesture. However, depending on the context, using both hands on the hip may be showing power or assertion.
Leaning in and/or tilting head to one side
This gesture can show that you are interested in what others are saying. Leaning in should not be to the extent of invading the other person’s space. Just enough to show that you are paying attention. In addition, tilting the head to one side shows that you are concentrating and are genuinely interested in what the person is saying.
Frowning
One of the most used and most obvious, is frowning. When you see someone frowning, you can imagine that the person is not happy. They are showing their displeasure by frowning. To the ladies out there who walk around frowning, be aware that this makes you unapproachable. No one wants to speak to you or approach you with a scrunched up or frowning face. Just be conscious of this and correct it when you feel yourself doing this. You would be surprised what a difference it makes in your interactions, mood and experiences with others.
Kinesics: Tells of Your Emotions
As you can see, we communicate both verbally and non-verbally. It is important to be aware of this, so not to unintentionally present with the wrong idea. Of course, we cannot control how others perceive us. We can control how we present ourselves in the most flattering light. A simple facial expression can change the trajectory of an otherwise, healthy and positive interaction.
Tone of voice is also important. If we speak to people in a disrespectful way or with arrogance, people will perceive us in that way. If you speak in an even tone and unassuming manner, we will be perceived as open and easy to talk to. How do you communicate?
Wardrobe, clothing, attire, outfit, duds whichever name you want to give it; what color is yours? When it comes to clothing, we have many options. Some of us are drawn to bright colors like, yellow, orange, and reds. Others like darker hues like black, gray and navy blue.
Why do you think that is? Do you think it has to do with our personality? There does seem to be a connection to this. Depending on who you ask, if you wear a lot of black clothing you are seen as depressed, introverted, shy. On the other hand, black clothing is seen as a power color. It says that you are elegant and bold, confident too.
Considering your choice of color comes into play when attending certain functions. Also, your mood may dictate the color of your outfit. People wear certain colors for various reasons. Wearing black has the slimming effect, so some people wear it for that reason. Others avoid it because it makes them feel down or depressed. White is another color some like to wear, and others avoid it because it makes them feel like they look heavier. Some people wear clothes that complement their complexion.
Color Palette for Occasion
Blending in- to blend in you may pick gray or black. These colors are neutral and do not draw attention, like its brighter counterparts.
Standing out- Red is bold and an attention grabber. If you are trying to be noticed red is the way to go. It is also the color of romance. If you are on a romantic date, you might wear a red dress or the LBD. Little black dress is a good choice too.
About business- if you are attending a business function or interview, try blue or black. Blue portrays security and shows that you mean business. Black is another power color to wear to a business meeting. It shows authority.
Being playful-this calls for colors like pink, yellow or even orange. Yellow is a color that brings out happy vibes, brightness, and positivity. Pink is a softer color which shows openness and friendliness. Orange, although bright can be a cheerful color too.
What Color to Choose?
No matter which color you choose to wear, do it with confidence. How the color makes you feel and how others see it will not always align. So, it is important, to wear what makes you feel good. It is all a personal choice. What color is your wardrobe?
Music has the power to take you places, you didn’t think it could. It evokes emotions like happiness, sadness, love and confusion. Another thing music does is to inform. If you listen to socially conscious songs you will definitely get an education.
Music genres like jazz, Reggae, neo-soul, R &B, Rap/Hip Hop, House, gospel, funk and Disco all reflect a time that most can relate to. I will focus this post on Reggae and Disco.
Did you know that International Reggae Day is celebrated every year in Kingston, Jamaica on July 1? Reggae is a combination of R&B, African, calypso and Latin music. While this style of music started in Jamaica it is popular in the United States, Africa and Great Brittain.
On this day you might want to cook some Carribean food and try a new recipe. Watch a movie or documentary inspired by and about Jamaica and its culture. Play your favorite Reggae music.
Who are some of your favorite Reggae artists? What does Reggae music represent to you?
July 2
National Disco Day
Music makes you smile, cry, dance, sing, and nod. You know those days when you need a little pep in your step, just play something up-tempo, like Disco.
National Disco Day is July 2. Disco was popular during a time of crime, political unrest, gang violence and a time of rising homophobia.
Disco was a time of bell bottom pants, platform shoes, afros, the club scene with strobe lights and disco balls. It was an era with a lot of partying happening. This partying provided a way to take your mind off of some of the social plights going on at the time.
Photographic shots of life, just lying in the pasture. Life’s moments just abandoned and left for the taking. Who would do this? Who would leave those captured beautiful moments. These are the events of life that are one of a kind, never to be duplicated.
Baby pictures, pictures of grandma. Captured moments at the beach or the park. Candid shots just doing nothing. Pictures of you in your best outfit. Vacation pictures.
Milestones captured of your first car, first house. Pictures of those sweet moments with your man or woman. Graduation day, that proud moment of holding your degree.
You can call this the basket of memory lane. A basket that is priceless. When you look at the images captured you know why you saved all of them. What the photos meant to you and how you felt at that moment. Nostalgia, no? Perhaps. But how can you stroll down memory lane, when the snapshots are left out in the pasture?
Snapshots that contain a lifetime of memories. Of childhood dreams, triumphs and disappointments. Moments that made you laugh and cry. Proud moments and times of regret.
Think back on your life. Now, would you leave your snapshots out in the pasture? Of course not! Reclaim your best and worst accomplishments and own every single one of them. After all, they are your snapshots.
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Snapshots Out in the Pasture was written in response to Sadje’s prompt:
Fathers are such an integral part of the family. We look to them to be the providers and to be the strength as protectors. Besides that, they are people too and as such need to feel appreciated and loved. We often place more emphasis on Mother’s Day, but fathers are important too. On Sunday, let your dad know just how special he is to you.
For years fathers have been caretakers of the family and have really stepped into and embraced this role. Some fathers do not get the recognition they deserve. On Father’s Day, which is usually the 3rd Sunday in June, call your father and all the fathers you know. Wish them blessings for a happy Father’s Day. It will lift them up and make them feel good about their role.
Depending on where you live in the world, there are a myriad of ways to celebrate. Some people give gift cards or buy gifts. Some popular gifts are work tools, ties, car accessories, or grooming products. For the Dads who love to grill out, you can gift some items for the “grill master”.
Another way to celebrate your father or father figure is to spend time with him. Time is something precious that we can never get back and what better way to show your love than to spend some time with Dad.
If it is not physically possible to see your Dad; talk to him in prayer. Remember those favorite things about him that make you smile. Play his favorite song, wear his favorite color, make him a greeting card and keep it in remembrance of him. Whatever you choose to do, make it special.
Artificial Intelligence software for writing. Yes or no?
Do you feel that using artificial intelligence (A.I.) software to write blog content, articles, etc.. is cheating? If you can plug in certain parameters and the software translates it for you, is that being original?
Most people who create content for their blog or other writing usually enjoy the writing process. Coming up with their own ideas and incorporating the exact thoughts that they want to convey.
Using A.I. takes away from that. Sure, it is faster and saves you some time. It does help with grammar and spelling mistakes.
But, I equate that to DJs who use a computer for their set, instead of spinning the vinyl. Or, artists who use ghostwriters for their music.
A canopy of protection is a place that most are familiar with and frequent very often. If you don’t recognize it, then you may want to make some adjustments. The canopy of protection is not a place that you invite everyone. It takes special and select people to be allowed to enter. This is a place that you create and set the tone. If anyone dares to defile it, then they must be escorted out. Do not allow anyone to darken, your canopy of protection or cause it to collapse. It is one of the few places where you can truly be you and not have to make any apologies. Be your true self and make it as loud or as peaceful as you want.
Where is your canopy?
Your canopy of protection is anywhere you want it to be. It can be physical or mental. What do I mean? A physical canopy of protection can be a place like your home, the park, a restaurant. The place you sleep at night. Also, it can be a she-shed/man cave. Make it a special place that you go when you want some peace and quiet. A place to be alone with your thoughts.
A mental canopy of protection is when you go to a place; metaphorically, in your mind when things are in chaos. It is when you think of certain things or places in your mind and you stay there for as long as you need or want to. It’s your place of protection from outside forces and elements. To counteract stress, picture or think about more pleasant things, and you are left feeling unbothered.
Who is Allowed?
The answer to this is truly a personal choice. You can let people who are close to you under your canopy. You may only let your family and/or pets in. Some people may be allowed to enter for a short time. Some may be allowed permanent access. Maybe no one is allowed. We all process the elements of life differently and may want the solitude. So, in this case the canopy of protection is a place to be solo. No exceptions.
Why is it needed?
The canopy of protection is necessary for many reasons. The whys will vary from person to person. It is a tool to use when you may feel overwhelmed, sad, stressed, depressed or just in a funk. The canopy of protection is there too because of the times we are faced with a difficult decision.
When do you go there?
During those times of uncertainty, ambiguity, confusion and chaos. Those are the essential times when you go to your canopy of protection. Doing so will usually provide some clarity and/or answers to those daunting questions. You will find that taking a step back and going to your canopy will bring you out in a much healthier and happier state of mind.
Even when you do not come out with a solution, you will be much more peaceful for it. You can come back to a situation with a clear mind and a new, more positive outlook.
June is national gun violence awareness month. Let’s take time to be cognizant about the violence carried out by gun usage. Also, this is a time to remember the survivors of gun violence. During the warmer months there is usually an uptick in violent crimes by gun. I am reposting this reminder of my original post published in April 2022.
Gun violence continues to be a problem in this country. It is senseless killing and the loss of innocent lives that really makes the problem such a sore subject. Everyone has the right to bear arms and protect themselves and their families. The use of guns for robbing, stealing and inflicting harm on others is the ugly side of it all. It is sad when children are the victims of stray bullets, or anyone for that matter. How do you protect your children when they are home in their bed and struck by random bullets? Even if the child pulls through it changes the course of their lives forever.
Gun violence begs the question, how do you protect yourself and your children from being shot? It is not something you want to think about on a daily basis as you try to go about your life, but it is very real. Especially, when you are at home and a stray bullet comes through the walls or windows. You go to your car in the morning and its shot up with bullet holes. All you have to do is walk down the street and catch one just for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.
In my line of work, I regularly see the faces of these young children and teens who sustain gun shot wounds. It makes no sense that their lives are FOREVER changed due to gun violence. Some of them are now confined to a wheelchair, some are on crutches for a while, some are still able to walk. Depending on what organs were damaged will determine how much of their lives they get to enjoy from now on. Some unfortunately did not survive the violence by a gun. I just think to myself that this can be my child. Bullets have no names.
Guns In School
You ever wonder why kids are packing guns with their lunch these days? I know that some kids don’t have lunch; but they have a gun in their bookbag. It makes you wonder; if a child is bringing a firearm to school, is it because they are being bullied. Also, I wonder where they got the gun from. Maybe they are just showing off to their friends in an effort to fit in. Is the student involved in a gang? Whatever the reason, it makes me wonder what is wrong with this world. Why would a child feel the need to bring a weapon to school? Whatever the reason is, it has to stop.
So, should the answer be to install metal detectors at school? Maybe make the kids carry clear bookbags so that the contents are visible while at school? We all know that there are too many politics involved to actually make this a reality. And even if it did happen, would it make a difference? Is it enough?
Senseless Acts of Violence
Being shot over a gas pump at the gas station is not enough reason to justify a life being lost. Accidentally, stepping on someone’s sneaker is not a reason to be shot. Sitting on your porch or being in front of your building, minding your own business is not a reason to be shot. Brushing up against someone in a crowded room, is not a reason to kill someone.
Believe it or not, it happens more often than you think. There is no regard for life these days. Over the past two years, we have already lost and continue to lose people every day due to Covid-19 and then we add the number of people being killed by guns. Sometimes you don’t want to go out and enjoy life because something might pop off out of nowhere, and over something so small. It is not a good idea to live life afraid to go certain places, but it is a reality for some people.
Drive by Shootings
When drive by shootings happen a lot of times people who have nothing to do with the beef get hurt. An unfortunate fact but something we live with in this world. Consider yourself lucky if you haven’t been a victim of gun violence. The people who commit these crimes have no regard for who else will be affected by whatever drama they have going on. Usually, it is over something trifling, like whose block they on and all the other nonsense.
Road Rage
Everyone is in such a rush these days. Some are just plain rude and like to cut people off on the road because they think they can. It makes no sense to shoot someone because you think they stole your parking space. Maybe they were driving too slow and they wanted you out of the way. People, slow down!! Where ever you are going will still be there when you arrive. The goal is to arrive in one piece.
You may have looked at someone too long or in the wrong way and that person took offense. The next thing you know, you are minding your business at work and you get shot for something that was misinterpreted by the person who shot you. It has happened, this is not made up. People are so much in their feelings about small things and therefore just looking for a reason to jump. Why?! Get over yourself and just drive your car man! If I’m driving too slow, go around me. If I mistakenly cut over into your lane, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.
Conclusion
In my opinion, you shouldn’t have to worry about your child coming home from school. Wondering if they are going to make it through the day at school. They are there to learn but it seems that they have their safety to worry about too. What happened to worrying about if you are going to do well on a test? If you made it on the sports team or into a club at school? Now, you have to watch your back and hope nobody tests you in ways other than academically.
Do we need to equip everyone with bullet proof vests? Are all the stores going to install plexiglass? Maybe businesses will install metal detectors for all patrons coming into their establishment. Better or newer gun laws might help. Harder punishment for perpetrators of gun violence? More education about the proper use of guns might help to prevent accidental discharges. I’m not sure what the answer is but something has to change.
Gun Violence- We Can Do Without It was originally posted on Inspire By O’Nika, April 19, 2022.
Can you answer this? To tip or not to tip; that is the question. People who work in the restaurant/customer service industry have a hard job. They are dealing with the public and trying to do a good job by delivering great service. Do you feel that they should be rewarded for a job well done or should they not receive a tip at all? How do you weigh in on this?
Is the tip amount dependent on how well their service was during your visit? Do you feel like this their job and as long as you paid your tab there is no need to tip? What about the servers who are just plain rude and have no interest in serving you with kindness?
Look at me with this bag on my hip
This is some kind of a trip
What kind of dog has to wear such a thing
This kind of attention is not what I want to bring
The bag has the nerve to read, grin
Wearing this is much to my chagrin
My human likes to play tricks
Meanwhile, all I want is to throw bricks
When they come my way with something weird
Their wayward thoughts I try to steer
Away from the clothes and people gear
I’m a dog, rules to which you must adhere
No fanny packs, no tutus, I just want to play fetch
Instead, they take my picture, makes me just retch
No more pictures please, no more pictures
Written in response to Sadje's prompt, What Do You See #187
http://What do you see # 187- May 22, 2023
You are my mom, tried and true
You cheer me up, when I am blue
When I need a hug, you are there
I can turn to you, when it’s too much to bear
You take me to the park
I can see the dogs play and bark
You make me laugh and smile
You wear motherhood with much style
Thank you for being my mother
Your role, invaluable, like no other
Have I told you lately?
You are loved by me, greatly
---O'Nika McGill---
May is mental health awareness month and it is a time to bring awareness to the challenges faced by many people across the world. Mental health does not discriminate and can affect individuals of all backgrounds and age groups.
Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness Month takes place during the month of May. It can be caused by genetics, childhood trauma, physical or emotional abuse. A person with BPD may exhibit dangerous behaviors. Symptoms may manifest by:
Abusing substances, like drugs and/or alcohol.
Real or imagined feelings of abandonment.
Emptiness or feelings of loneliness.
Suicidal tendencies.
Risky sexual behaviors.
Fits of uncontrolled anger.
Borderline Personality Disorder Awareness month is a time to encourage those diagnosed with BPD to talk about and highlight their strengths. The more people can talk about it the more it is understood and can help lessen the stigma. A person with BPD may have trouble with relationships, thinking and overall emotions in stressful moments. Other mental health concerns may occur with BPD.
Seeking help through therapy may lessen the effects of BPD and help the individuals improve their lifestyle. Treatment may include medication depending on the symptoms. Of course, there is no one-size-fits all approach. If you know someone who lives with the disorder this is a good time to learn more about it. Educate yourself and share with others so that it is better understood.
BPD is more prevalent among women. Also, it affects teen and adult populations. Let’s learn about the disorder and show compassion so that people will have hope and feel supported.
So, you are thinking about getting a household companion? While pets are cute and cuddly, they also come with responsibility. Before you adopt a pet think about what you are taking on. The last thing we want to happen is for a pet to be adopted and then sent back to the animal shelter. And who knows where they will end up from there.
Cats are a very independent species. They are nocturnal too, so keep that in mind. While you are trying to sleep, they might be up to shenanigans. Cats are self-sufficient, with cleaning themselves. They need fresh food and water. Also, their litter box should be cleaned often. Keep plenty of cat toys available too. They love to paw at things. The laser light keeps them occupied too. Felines have razor sharp, quick reflexes.
If you have a rodent problem, cats will keep that at bay. Sitting in the window is another past time that they like. I’m not sure why but some cats do not like you touching their bellies. Beware of the claws.
Dogs are another great and loyal household companion. They require more attention, with the need for daily walks. Dogs are great protectors and can ward off people with ill intent. Some dogs will destroy the house out of boredom. Make sure you have time to invest in your four-legged companion. Canines, like felines need toys, fresh food and water.
Both cats and dogs help to relieve stress. They give us a feeling of happiness. Another thing that is great, is that they are judgement free. They will love us just like we love them too. I think the answer depends on your energy level, household makeup, lifestyle and finances.
So, can you answer this? Is a cat or dog a better pet? What do you say?
